rant

I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you're experiencing this. It is often so frustrating when people we love remind us that they aren't as accepting as we are, or who we are. My FW's dad may not come to our wedding and while I think she has accepted that (better to set expectations low and be happily surprised) it hurts me to think he would take even a second of her happiness away. But we can't make choices for others. I would honestly sit with FH's grandfather and see what he has to say. It sounds like everything is coming from the women in the family.

You're mad at FMIL and her sister for relaying a message from grandpa, is that correct? It doesn't sound like they're the ones being ignorant here. You're taking this out on the wrong people.

I think if grandpa has the problem you should be mad at grandpa. Unless mother in law and sister in law are making things up

View Quoted Comment You are right. I hope he realizes that it isn't about him but both of you. Your love and happiness should be all that matters.

View Quoted Comment Yes, but i have never heard Grandpa be unaccepting of any one. He preaches inclusion and love. He has never mentioned anything of the sort. I just believe its the two hen's making things up and making it seem like everyone else will be upset. FH and I plan on speaking directly to him.

View Quoted Comment

Yeah, I would do that before you decide to uninvite your FMIL and your FH's aunt from your wedding.

You think they're trying to stir up drama ?

View Quoted Comment

The thing is most of the time he is at least kind of ok with it, but he forgets things and one of the things he forgets is that he doesn't get it but isn't upset about it either.

I'm really hoping it works out for you as well.

View Quoted Comment Oh yes. My FMIL has been coming out of left field with drama since wedding planning started. Its sad to say, i used to love and respect this women dearly but lately she has been toxic to the max. Its heartbreaking.

Now, I don't know whether or not they did BUT I would be just as upset as I was with grandpa with my FMIL and her sister if it was clear they didn't stand up for R. Silence is approval and that's the hard, cold truth. NO homophobic person will have a platform at my wedding.

You can be angry with who ever as it's how you feel but you should find out what the Grandfather really feels but if he has decided he doesn't want to do the wedding because of this factor that's his decision to make. Disagreeing with someone's life decisions doesn't make someone a homophobic person. A person can chose to disagree without disliking or being prejudice towards someone. On this forum most people will probably support you how you feel. I would suggest if FH grandfather really won't do it, just find someone else who is willing to do the wedding if your friend absolutely has to wear a dress and your FH prefers to have him dress how he wants over his grandfather marrying you.

I agree with other posters saying that you should clarify Grandpas beliefs first hand. They may just be trying to stir up drama.

View Quoted Comment Thank you for your input. R is like a younger sibling and I am just so happy to see how excited he was with the dress. I just don't want anyone to hurt/upset him 😪. I do have other family members who will happily marry us(and have offered to do so).

I agree with the others that you should speak with grandpa first. He may not have even said anything. Since the dress has already been bought and delivered, this clearly wasn’t a decision that was just made. If someone really had strong feelings about this, there was plenty of time to work it out before now. Not that anyone should dictate who is in your wedding, but if there really is someone who can’t get over their unacceptance of your friend, they should have made that clear a long time ago so you could make other plans (as in drop them, not your friend). I wish you luck!