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Expert October 2019

Rant: unsolicited "advice" and comments

FutureMrsC, on March 21, 2018 at 6:41 PM Posted in Community Conversations 0 65

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So every so often someone will ask me how my wedding planning is going just to tell me it's all a waste of money and to have a "pot luck in a church basement instead" or whatever other unsolicited advice I've been given. Or even worse is when someone proceeds to tell me why they don't believe in marriage. Why are you telling someone who is getting married why you don't believe in marriage?! It's just negative and kinda rude.

I didn't care at first about these types of comments, after all its really no one's business but ours, but It's starting to drive me crazy! And I still have over a year to go

thankfully most people in my life are very excited and positive so I suppose I shouldn't complain but I had to let it out lol

Is there any unsolicited "advice" you're sick of hearing?

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65 Comments

Latest activity by Valentina, on June 16, 2019 at 12:53 AM

Champion August 2017
Mrsbdg · on March 21, 2018 at 6:45 PM
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"Don't put too much money into the wedding. He's using you for a green card." (mhm. okay sure. so why did we date for six years then?)
"Marriage is the leading cause of divorce." (oh thanks, Aristotle. i'll wrap that up in my mind vault for later!)
"You don't know love until you have a child." (cool, i guess i'll go along just "like-liking" my husband forever, then...)
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Dedicated May 2016
Jessa · on March 21, 2018 at 6:48 PM
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“Like-liking” has to be the funniest thing ever
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VIP June 2019
magnolia5 · on March 21, 2018 at 6:51 PM
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"Choose your bridal party already so they can help you plan." -I'm over a year out. I have a wedding planner, so I'll let her do the job I hired her for.

"Use the money for a house down payment instead." -It's my money and I am already saving for that. Even then, I don't want to buy in this market.

Those are my two most annoying ones I've heard multiple times. Most of the time, I just smile and say "yeah, I'll think about it." Other times, I just smile and change the subject.
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on March 21, 2018 at 7:08 PM
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So many people saying why wouldn’t you just use that money for a house instead? First off I live in California, the money we spend on this wedding definitely can’t buy a house! And second I want a beautiful wedding day surrounded by all of the people I love. I only plan on doing this once and if I want to throw an expensive party then please respect that.

Also people saying I shouldn’t worry about how many I’m inviting because not everyone will come. And it’s rude not to invite every distant family member. I must have missed the part where you are writing a check for all these extra people?
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Dedicated June 2019
Lauren · on March 21, 2018 at 7:09 PM
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"Just go to the courthouse, it's so much cheaper!"
^my personal favorite since literally almost everyone I've talked to has said this...
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Champion June 2018
muriel · on March 21, 2018 at 7:10 PM
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People comment on, and will continue to comment on, everything you tell them about for the rest of your life. Smile, thank them for their opinion and let it go in one ear and out the other.
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Dedicated June 2019
Moriah · on March 21, 2018 at 7:16 PM
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“Splurge you only get to have this day once” I don’t want to splurge we want to use some of our money for a down payment!
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Beginner October 2018
Meggy · on March 21, 2018 at 7:23 PM
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I've been receiving that *same* type of "advice". Ugh. We've been dating and living together for 5 years and I think everyone is over the "romance" that comes with planning a wedding because they've been expecting us to get married for so long.
"Just go to the courthouse"
"Get a food truck"
"Buy a bunch of liquor from Costco and rent a speaker for dancing"
For some reason, the people who solicit their advice always seem to justify it with, "your fiancee will like that more." But my fiancee *hates* food trucks, *refuses* to drink anything other than beer, and would rather die than dance! Soooo... nah!
I'm looking at advice as them showing they care. But do any of you have the response after politely telling them their advice won't work, "Ugh you're such a bridezilla!" ??
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Super December 2018
Alyssa · on March 21, 2018 at 7:30 PM
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I hate the you could use that money for something else. Well we already own a house and vehicles etc sooo let me spend the money I work my a$$ off for how I want to
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VIP May 2018
FutureMrsR · on March 21, 2018 at 7:33 PM
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YES!! I always hear that: "You don't know love until you have a child." I don't know what to say to that other than, "okay, well I really like my FH then." Like, WTF?
The most awkward bit of unsolicited advice I received was from my FMIL: "You should have a kid before you get married. You don't really know someone until you have a child with them."
I definitely don't want a child any time soon -- possibly ever. But she says this all the time! Get. Out. Of. My. Uterus!
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Devoted July 2018
Amy · on March 21, 2018 at 7:33 PM
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YES! We're in the Bay Area and there's no way we're buying a house any time soon around here, and the cost of our wedding wouldn't get us too far towards a house (or would require us to go far far out of this area, more like) ! But still, we've definitely gotten this piece of "advice" as well, even though we don't talk about how much we're spending.
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Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on March 21, 2018 at 7:37 PM
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That’s extra funny because if you are going to the courthouse you hear the opposite! Have a bigger wedding, invite people, don’t you want your family and friends to be there? No I don’t lol.
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Expert June 2018
lindseybee89 · on March 21, 2018 at 7:39 PM
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Gosh , thank god no one has said these things to me, I prob would just walk away blank faced at them lol
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Master June 2016
Sarah · on March 21, 2018 at 7:51 PM
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When we were getting married the biggest one was “are you sure you want to do it again” H is my second husband and so naturally he must be the same as the first guy so why would I want to marry him.

Now that we’re married and have two girls (one from my previous marriage, one from ours), sooooo many people say “well don’t you want to give him a son”. Nope. I don’t. Thanks for checking on my uterus plans though.
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Expert February 2018
Kiersten · on March 21, 2018 at 7:55 PM
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I literally spit my drink out at that and proceeded to tell my husband that I only like-like him. 🤣🤣😂😂
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Dedicated May 2016
Jessa · on March 21, 2018 at 7:57 PM
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I think I’ll text mine at work and let him know the same 😂
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VIP December 2018
Xandria · on March 21, 2018 at 8:19 PM
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My fav is "you know its not going to give you a tax break right?"
Sooooo many people say this to us. Like what? I'm not getting married for the taxes!
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Super May 2019
Jessica · on March 21, 2018 at 9:08 PM
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Mine isn't really advice...but if I hear "YOU STILL HAVE A YEAR...WHY ARE YOU.....fill in the blank...ING ALREADY?" I'm going to lose it.
I don't even talk about my wedding with anyone except on here! But any time I have a meeting with a vendor or go to Hobby Lobby I hear this. Like...yea....I know. But it's who I am as a person. I'm also always an hour early anywhere I go and have major anxiety so no one should be shocked that I'm planning a year in advance. Lmao.
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VIP December 2018
Xandria · on March 21, 2018 at 9:12 PM
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A year isn't even that much! I wish I'd started sooner! I'm like 10 months out, and I constantly feel like I'm behind....
But I'm also totally one of those people who's always an hour early.
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Super April 2019
Heather · on March 21, 2018 at 9:13 PM
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“Why are you spending money feeding people just give them cake and send them on their way”

”are you waiting to have another kid after being married so one is legitimate?”
Me “nope only like living in sin over here”

And my personal favorite “you should do blah blah blah because so and so did it like that”
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