Rant - Missing my friend's reception... and I feel horrible.

They were both declines. The other three didn’t decline, send a message on FB, say fuck you…. Nothing. One of these cousins even got married about three years ago! My aunts were better… two came (3.5 hour drive for one, 6 hour drive for the other… I was floored someone would drive 6 hours to come to my reception!) and the other two sent their regrets because they couldn’t get off work. I know I should just think about going to see my aunts, but I’m really hurt and disappointed that I didn’t even get a regrets RSVP from most of my cousins, especially since my friend actually made the effort to come to my reception.

Ugh. Life was a lot simpler when I hadn’t seen my cousins in 11 years and didn’t feel bad about missing things.

Yikes...tough call. If it were me, I'd still be wounded from the declines and would go to my friend's reception....call it cheesy, but friends are the family you choose. And just because you share blood with people does not mean you have to be at their beckon call. I would choose a friend's wedding reception over most events with my family. DH would probably be the opposite.

Since it sounds like the only people you really care to see are your two aunts, is it possible to do a weekend trip near them and spend a bit of time during with them? Maybe go somewhere near the 6 hour away aunt and have dinner and then on the way home stop and see the aunt that lives 3.5 hours away?

Maltese, 99% of the time I agree with you. I am quite baffled at myself that I came to this decision. I must have been having a weak moment.

At this point, I'm stuck with my decision. I've already confirmed with my aunt who is throwing the party that I'm attending, and I don't want to text my friend and be the "hey, I changed my mind again!" person.

Is there anyway you can make an appearance at both? Go to the family get together for dinner and then head to the reception for dancing after dinner, or something along those lines.

Sue took my next question.

Jess, we get to chose our friends, we don't get to chose our family. Looks like your cousins are being ass***(mine are the same way). My friends have always been supportive. If my side of the family would have acted the same way toward my wedding, I would not go to the reunion. Also how close of a friend are you with this girl? A good close friend won't think that you're "chasing mind kind of person", she will appreciate that you value her & her wedding more.

There's no way to be at both. My friend's reception is 3 hours to the west of me and the family party is 3.5 hours south east.

She was my best friend in college. We never get to see each other any more now that she has kids and we live so far apart. Our schedules rarely match up, which is why we were both ok with me missing the reception to instead get together another weekend... we'd have a lot better chance to catch up.

So then the other option is to schedule a day for you and her...and then go to the family party, make your dad and your aunt happy and then chat up the family, showing them that you're the better person and not an asshole like they are (I would have a hard time doing this personally, though) and wont hold a grudge. And then make a mental note that next time one of these cousins invites you to something they throw to not respond or show up.

I guess at this point since you have already told your friend that you won't make it, she seems to understand why you can't make it, and you don't want to flip-flop; you might as well attend your family function and like Maltese suggested, schedule a day for you and her.