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Savvy January 2019

Rant: i really want to elope

Brit, on April 10, 2018 at 12:56 PM Posted in Planning 0 18

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Hi there!

iv been thinking about eloping. A while prior to me getting engaged me and my fiancé talked about doing an elopement ceremony and afterwards have a big reception type party. That’s seemed to work for us until we took family and other priorities into conscideration. Fast forward to now and we are having a full on wedding. It will be a tiny ceremony and a large reception.

Weve been planning it this this past month. We haven’t sent out save the dates yet and have only told a couple people. While we’ve been planning this I’m realizing I’m so in over my head.

im not an expensive bride, I’m a simple bride, but I do want control over certain aspects of the wedding and it seems like I can’t get that without making huge sacrifices.

i will admit full heartedly, I am an emotionally high maintenance bride. I love family and my friends, I also love my fiancé’s familly! But I don’t like dealing with people. When it comes to weddings, people stress me out a lot. Now, the occasional improper etiquette or rude comment isn’t something I take mind to, in fact I’m excpecting it from even the closest of loved ones. What I do mind is people tearing apart the wedding, people inserting themselves into the wedding and micromanaging me (which has already happened A LOT), being the center of attention during my ceremony (even if it’s only 10-20 people), and having to “settle” on a ceremony location because the nature based places that iv always dream of require people to travel and have a low head count capacity.

Over this past month I’ve realized how much I don’t want the traditional wedding timeline of: you spend a whole year stressing about small details, you fork out money for stupid and small things along the way, you have to appease people when all you want to do is make this about the our marriage, Then when it comes to the big day you have to stress about the ceremony AND the reception as well as all of that overwhelming social interaction packed into one day.... oh did I mention that we would end up forking out money we don’t have for things we don’t care for? Even though we have a 6 grand budget, it’s still too much money for us to spend

and btw, I’m not saying this timeline is wrong. In fact I fully support anyone getting married the traditional way it makes a lot of people happy! I’m just different

as I mentioned before, I am an emotionally high maintenance bride. I absaloutly will NOT lash out on people but I will internalize things and eventually fall into a rut during what should be a very happy time in my life. We are one month into planning and I already can’t sleep at night and am at my wits end. Its ridiculous, I know. Something to consider is I have multiple diagnosed anxiety and depression disorders (none of which I am medicated for), also me and my fiancé are poor and have been a struggling with employment this past year so our finances are so tight. It’s been really taking a toll on me and iv been obsessing over all of this which is so so unhealthy.

yesterday the idea of eloping popped into my head. I then did a couple quick google searches as to our options and I just though “ahhh yes, this solves everything”

so we might elope we might not. I’m not sure if my fiancé is really on board. I don’t need any advice I just really needed to get this out of my system(but advice or encouraging words are helpful if you have any)

thank you...also sorry if I sound straight up crazy through out all of this

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18 Comments

Latest activity by Cee Cee, on April 10, 2018 at 4:29 PM

Master April 2018
Mrs. Sponge · on April 10, 2018 at 1:01 PM
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If you really want to elope than do it. I wanted to elope and FH didn't want to upset his family. We almost canceled our wedding because of how FH's family treated us during planning but weren't able to because we would have lost out on so much money. Make the decision while you still have the time if that is what you want.
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Super October 2018
MrsSnez · on April 10, 2018 at 1:19 PM
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We found an elopement package that allows up to 30 guests and that was the perfect solution for us! We're able to bring our parents and siblings and get married in the mountains (where the max number of people for the site including photographer, DOC etc is 35 people). We are also having a reception back home, so the elopement thing isn't saving us money (which was never the goal) but it does make planning the reception so much less stressful because I care much less. We'll already be married so if something isn't perfect, oh well!
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Devoted September 2018
Alysia · on April 10, 2018 at 1:25 PM
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I think eloping is the absolute right choice for some people. I wish you all the best with whatever wedding you decide to have
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Savvy April 2018
Kristine · on April 10, 2018 at 1:31 PM
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Elope!!! That is what we are doing just us and our imitate family we don't have the money for a big wedding and I can't handle the stress with my anxiety either. We are less then 2 weeks out and the closer we get the happier I am we took this path. We are going to do an I Do BBQ over the summer for everyone else but this is for us
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VIP November 2017
Meaghan · on April 10, 2018 at 1:57 PM
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Eloping is definitely the right move for some people, and I'm so glad you've put it on the table for you guys. Full elopement wasn't for me and my husband because of our families, but talking through our desire to elope got us to find the right option for us. We ended up doing a really intimate wedding of just immediate family and small wedding parties (20 total people including us). That worked well for us and may be a good middle ground option if your FH isn't on board with the eloping idea.
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Devoted June 2018
Sarah · on April 10, 2018 at 2:02 PM
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Elope!!! That is what we are doing and when we come back having a party with family and friends. My FH and I wanted something low key and that is what we are doing.
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Master August 2018
Kristina · on April 10, 2018 at 2:10 PM
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If it's what's best for you, elope. You can still bring a small amount of guests and then have a super low-key backyard BBQ reception thing afterwards where you don't have to shell out money for deco, DJ, flowers, etc.
You can always have a bigger wedding to renew vows later on down the road if anyone is really that hung up about it, but always remember it is YOUR wedding and the only opinions that matter are yours and FH.
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Dedicated April 2019
Futuremrsgrill · on April 10, 2018 at 2:31 PM
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We are also doing this, our venue allows up to 36. Everything from the music, to the officiant, and even the cake were included. We aren’t having another reception because we wanted to keep it small and simple. It was a lot less expensive than what we were originally going to do, a lot less stress, and our family’s will still be happy because they can still be a part of our day.
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Super August 2018
Marta · on April 10, 2018 at 2:40 PM
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I think eloping is the right choice. You shouldn’t feel pressured to do something you don’t feel comfortable doing or spending crazy amount of money when you are financially tight. I think if you explain this to your fiancé he will get on board.
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Devoted July 2018
Precious Stone · on April 10, 2018 at 2:49 PM
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I wanted to elope but FH wanted a traditional wedding with my whole family present. Though he has a really small family. So now we are having a fancy wedding (cos with my family its either you have a fancy wedding or elope). It cost so much but truthfully I am excited we took that route. I cannot wait to get married with all my loved ones around.
BUT IF WE DIDN'T HAVE THE MONEY I WILL SURELY ELOPE THAN STRESS MYSELF OUT. SO PLEASE ELOPE IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE MONEY.
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Devoted January 2016
COWS · on April 10, 2018 at 2:54 PM
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Elope, elope, elope. At this point you won't enjoy the process and you'll only end up resenting it. So go elope in that fantastic whimsical nature place, and enjoy the hell out of it, and go treat yourselves to a fancy dinner or something to celebrate. There's NO NEED to spend that money on something you don't want.
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Super June 2018
Future Mrs M · on April 10, 2018 at 2:56 PM
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If you want to do that, then you should. You dont want to be looking at this full blown wedding and photos with resentment years down the road.

Also, the reception is really where the tasks are. So wouldn't throwing a big party require those same stresses?
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Dedicated May 2020
Suzie · on April 10, 2018 at 3:10 PM
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Girl you are singing my time. I’d expected wedding planning to be high stress but I did not expect THIS. And then you factor in what each of these things costs and it’s wnough to make you want to rip your hair out.

But hey, remember this: this day is about you and what represents you. The overinflated wedding industry will make you think there are things you absolutely NEED to do. Well, you don’t. All you really legally need is a licenced officiant and two witnesses. Other than that, you could wear a pink prom dress sitting up in the trees and freestyle rap your vows.

Unless they are funding it, no one else has any input. And hopefully they will respect your choices. If elopement makes you the most comfortable GO FOR IT. Two of my friends eloped without telling anyone and then had a big party a few years later when they could afford it and t was PERFECT.
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Super January 2019
PalmTrees · on April 10, 2018 at 3:26 PM
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Elope! We will be, no reception later on or anything. Just FH and my daughter at the courthouse. Neither of us have any interest in a traditional wedding or a party, we just want the marriage.
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Beginner September 2017
SeptemberBride · on April 10, 2018 at 3:40 PM
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I can relate to a lot of your stress. I would have rather eloped than deal with all the anxiety and sleepless nights for a year. The reality is that if you're having a reception for your whole family, the day is about your guests, not about you, no matter how many people tell you "it's your day". You'll have to decide whether you want to elope and miss out on the typical wedding buzz from friends and family or have some variation of a full wedding so there is no awkwardness about not hosting them. My best piece of advice: you'll be just as married no matter what route you choose, no matter how much you spend, no matter what goes right or wrong, so pick what will bring you and your friends and family the most peace.
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Super April 2025
A_Mart · on April 10, 2018 at 3:45 PM
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THIS! "My best piece of advice: you'll be just as married no matter what route you choose" So true!! It took us months to finally figure out we wanted to elope! If you're feeling this way now, talk to your FH and see if you're on the same page!
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VIP September 2018
Michelle · on April 10, 2018 at 3:53 PM
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If that’s what you want to do and you think it’s best then gosh darn it do it! Lol it’s your life and it’s your day. You should have it just the way you want it
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Devoted August 2018
Cee Cee · on April 10, 2018 at 4:29 PM
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Oh my gosh you sound just like I did a month ago. Then after one too many sleepless nights, FH suggested (for about the 100th time) that we elope and this time I agreed. Shocked the heck out of him! Luckily we’d only paid on the cake and hadn’t put any other deposits down. So I’ll just have a really great birthday cake this year!
We’re taking our kids to Key West for a “family elopement”, and my sisters are meeting us down there. And that’s it. We’re having a tiny little casual ceremony on the beach at sunset then all going out to dinner. While it’s actually going to end up costing more than our big Maryland wedding because of the travel expenses, and there is still plenty of stress involved with the long distance planning, this time it truly is about us and not about trying to please anyone else. And that feels really good.
So, please just do what feels right, then relax once you’ve made the decision and don’t second guess. As others have said, when all is said and done, you’ll be married and however you go about it will be exactly right for you two.
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