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Florida_Bride
Dedicated April 2015

Rant: FMIL is trying to wear ivory to my wedding?! omg.

Florida_Bride, on August 7, 2014 at 12:09 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22
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Hi girls. I am stuck in the worst dilemma... my future mother-in-law keeps wanting to wear a really light color to our wedding, such as ivory, cream, very light (barely) baby pink, etc. Not mention, her first choice was an ivory, lace dress. Guess what my wedding dress is? Yep. Ivory...and lace. (The worst part is, I know she knows better)

I seriously don't know what to do. I've gently suggested that maybe it would look too similar to my dress and offered alternative, appropriate colors for her to look at while dress shopping. And she threw a fit to FH.. Smiley sad

I thought this was supposed to be OUR day, not hers. What is it with people wearing white to other people's weddings? It's just disrespectful imo.

22 Comments

  • R
    Beginner May 2015
    Rachel ·
    • Flag

    I would personally try and lead her towards a lighter color. Offer to go shopping with her and compliment colors other than white/ivory. I am surprised she is so adamant about wearing ivory! I understand why it would upset you- she already had her day.

    • Reply
  • Abbiell
    VIP October 2013
    Abbiell ·
    • Flag

    While I agree that it is disrespectful and maybe even a little inappropriate, I don't think there's much you can do. Have FH talk to her, but if she's already thrown a fit to him, it may not make any difference. If she won't budge, then I guess your only option is to drop it. In the grand scheme of things, it really won't matter. It will be very obvious that you're the bride.

    • Reply
  • M
    Master December 2014
    Melissa ·
    • Flag

    I flat out told our families no one is allowed to wear cream, ivory, white or any color resembling me. I want to be the only one in that color considering it's MY wedding. I went dress shopping with our moms and picked out the color for their dresses lol. I wouldn't care how mad she got I would tell her again you don't want her to wear it or have FH tell her.

    • Reply
  • B
    Expert September 2014
    Blue one 4 ·
    • Flag

    My grandma ( my dad's mom) wore a white floor length gown with a lace long sleeved jacket to my parents wedding. Guess what my moms dress was? A long white dress with long lace sleeves. I was going thru the wedding photos the other day and laughed out loud. If anything showed she was trying too hard. Here's my solution depending on your colors, if possible, order white corsages! Then tell her she might want to wear something darker so the corsage shows up well! My MIL wanted to wear raspberry/ hot pink and I steered her away of it because my corsages are red

    , thank god!

    • Reply
  • F
    VIP October 2014
    FutureMrsS ·
    • Flag

    It is disrespectful and she will look like an ass if she shows up in anything remotely bridal to your wedding. No one will think oddly or less of you but they will all be giving her the side eye.

    • Reply
  • TugBride
    Expert October 2018
    TugBride ·
    • Flag

    Honestly I agree with Melissa, I would be up front and tell her not to wear anything of a similar shade, but don't be disrespectful about it. Be honest with her tell her you don't want her to wear any shades of white, ivory, or light colors because you want to stand out, and you would appriciate that she wore something else, like maybe a silver dress?

    I'm very spiteful personally so if she wouldn't corporate with me I would give her an ultimatum a color I approve or she isn't allowed in the wedding (which I am well aware is childish and a terrible idea but sometimes tough love is best) - but I don't think that would work well in your situation.

    • Reply
  • JustMarried'14
    Master September 2014
    JustMarried'14 ·
    • Flag

    LOL ^^ @ Bride's Daughter....the snarky side of me says to tell her she can wear whatever she wants, but anyone in shades of white other than the bride won't be allowed in photos!

    On the hopefully helpful side, I don't have a problem with guests wearing white to weddings, there is only one Bride. I do have contention with Mothers OF... wearing it. I don't understand the grab for attention. I like the idea of trying to sway her with the flower colors for the corsages. I went with FMIL and FStepMIL because they wanted my input. I personally don't care what they wear, I am in a big poofy ball gown - no one will mistake who the bride is.

    Maybe you can remind her that white is much more a summer color than spring, and you would hate for her to seem unfashionable?

    Good luck!

    • Reply
  • heidi
    VIP October 2014
    heidi ·
    • Flag

    At the end of the day, if she shows up to the wedding in a dress like yours, she'll only be making herself look like an ass. Your guests know who the bride is, and they'll be judging her for trying to upstage you. So keep in mind that what she wears won't effect you at all. You'll still be the bride. It will still be your day. She's the one who will be regretting it later.

    • Reply
  • Sandra
    VIP July 2014
    Sandra ·
    • Flag

    Man, I would just put my foot down plain and simple. you're the bride and she needs to respect that it is for you and your fh. but ditto to heidi. she said it well.

    • Reply
  • Mrs.Matthews
    Master January 2015
    Mrs.Matthews ·
    • Flag

    I would be so mad!Its like when have you ever wore an ivory gown before um never. Good luck

    • Reply
  • T.
    Master November 2013
    T. ·
    • Flag

    "_______, while you look great in ivory, that'll be the color that I am wearing."

    If you think she knows better, then she should get the point through this sentence.

    • Reply
  • Mrs Schmidt
    VIP September 2014
    Mrs Schmidt ·
    • Flag

    I agree w/ tatiana, that is to the point and FH should back you up. I'm sure he would hate if someone outside of his groomsmen wore a tux or suit extremely similar to his.

    Dictate the color she wears if you can.

    • Reply
  • Sarah
    Super August 2014
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    If someone wears a white, lace dress to a wedding it makes them look like an idiot, not you. Keep your chin up and don't worry about what other people are doing that day.

    • Reply
  • SunshineJenn
    Master August 2014
    SunshineJenn ·
    • Flag

    Have FH tell her that wearing white is just fine if she can handle all the petty gossip that will ensue.

    • Reply
  • rusticbride
    Master May 2014
    rusticbride ·
    • Flag

    Don't let it consume any part of you. If she can't be reasoned with by either you or your FH respectively, then just let it be. She will look like the idiot. Not you. She will be the one setting up bad first impressions all over the place.

    • Reply
  • Florida_Bride
    Dedicated April 2015
    Florida_Bride ·
    • Flag

    Thanks for all the advice girls ♡

    • Reply
  • DisneyNut
    Master October 2014
    DisneyNut ·
    • Flag

    As hard as it is, I think this has to be an IDGAF point once you have told her not to do it and she still wants to. She will look like a fool, not you.

    • Reply
  • Kylene
    VIP October 2014
    Kylene ·
    • Flag

    I really think it depends on your relationship, but honestly, I'd stand right in front of her and say, "it seems like we're in a disagreement here and I'm putting my foot down on this one. This is my wedding, I hate to be disrespectful, but I am not at ALL comfortable with you wearing ivory or white and I would really appreciate it if you could respect me, as the bride, and select something else."

    If THAT didn't do anything, then I'd tell her that she will not be allowed in any of my photos because I am not going to look at them for the rest of my life being spiteful at her for what she's wearing.

    I think it's ridiculous that she's being so difficult about it.

    Take note, this is coming from someone whose FMIL is keeping her clothing selection a secret (and it's driving me up the wall).

    • Reply
  • C
    Master July 2014
    csquid ·
    • Flag

    I agree with Disneynut.

    My FMIL wore some white (first picture) but made sure that I was perfectly fine with it after BIL told her she couldn't wear any white lol. I know I am in the minority here when I say that I just didn't care what either mother wore. I knew that people wouldn't mistake who the bride was and my only care was that both mothers be comfortable. Looking through my pics just now I realized DH's cousin also wore a dress dangerously close to white but maybe it's ok for other guests?



    • Reply
  • The New Mrs. Compton
    Super November 2014
    The New Mrs. Compton ·
    • Flag

    I would absolutely speak to her about it and put my foot down. It's just plain rude!

    Try to have FH approach her about it again. This is a day celebrating you and your fiance. Definitely more stress then it's worth!

    Let us know what happens!

    • Reply

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