Random - Obsessing over proposal

Yes absolutely! I also think it’s cringe worthy when the girl gives the guy an ultimatum and then makes him go out with her to buy a ring and then gives him X amount of time to him to surprise the proposal to her. Just my personal opinion, but no one should be forced into marriage.

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Yep! I've seen that before too.

I think it depends on the couple's relationship. After four years together I joking told my FH he had until we'd been dating 10 years to ask or I was leaving lol.

We'd talked about getting married in depth several times, it was just never the right time to actually get engaged. When we actually got engaged it was because we were wandering the mall one day and I joked that we should go look at engagement rings and when he was like 'yes. absolutely' I was horrified and tried to get us to leave because I don't like wasting peoples time and didn't think we were in a spot financially to actually start wedding planning.

For the most part I think someone who's willing to buy those welcome mats are in a healthy spot in their relationship and joking/poking fun at it, but overall pushiness and things like that bother me. If you have to ask your man several times to do something it's because he doesn't really want to and that's the last thing you want when it comes to a proposal :/

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Oh after four years I would absolutely be ready for the marriage talk, too! I think talking about your values and future together is totally normal. The bold jabs like captions, welcome mats, and even really mean comments at the fact that your boyfriend hasn't proposed yet is what is just weird and backwards to me. I don't want to marry someone I have to beg or constantly remind to marry me. But I totally agree!

Personally I feel it's a sad dynamic to have in a relationship. I never wanted to be left waiting in the dark for years for my boyfriend to propose, so I decided to be direct and talk to him. We agreed we wanted to get engaged and married, and agreed on a timeline for both. I felt valued and at ease knowing we wanted the same thing and when. Surprises are overrated when it comes to major life decisions.

I agree with Courtney, I think it depends on the couples relationship!

FH and I have been together for 6 years (7 in August) at his brothers wedding 2 years ago (5 years into our relationship) every one in his family kept asking when it was our turn and I would just look at my FH then "sadly" look at my ring finger. Just poking fun at him.

I knew he was waiting till we were in a place to move out and live on our own prior to being engaged, but it was also just poking fun. Definitely never jabbing in a mean way or pressuring him into doing, though tbh I was getting a little restless at our 6 year mark in August (he proposed on Christmas) but I was still dramatic about waiting lol

I think the social media stuff and ultimatums are cringey for sure. It's also silly, in my opinion, to just passively sit and wait. My husband and I got engaged through a discussion. Maybe not as romantic as a surprise proposal, but it was us. We had been together for about 5 years and living together for 4, and we were discussing our future (I had just gotten into a doctoral program and would have to quit my job). We talked about the next 5 years and what that would look like, and we decided marriage should be part of that plan, so we decided it was time to get married. He did get me a ring about a week or so later, which was a surprise. I feel like if you're too the point where you're posting passive aggressive hashtags on social media, it's maybe more beneficial to talk with your partner. Not give an ultimatum, but discuss your wants for the future and see where that leads.

I think it’s a less-than-ideal way to approach the worry about being a “forever girlfriend.” That can be a really unhealthy relationship dynamic.
We’ve all known at least one couple, with children even, and the man isn’t “ready” to get married. He isn’t sure when he’ll be ready, and not sure what ready is, so she’s always just a bit on edge hoping she’ll be good enough. It’s just sad all around.

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I totally agree with this. My FH and I had discussed our long-term goals, and he had actually planned on proposing to me earlier than he did, but our housing situation got complicated and we decided to buy a house instead of doing a wedding. We talked about it and he said that buying the house would set our engagement back and I was totally okay with that. Then after we had the house for a bit we started discussing engagement again. My proposal was a surprise, but it was something that I knew would eventually happen!

The pressure is cringeworthy. I know that when we weren't engaged, we'd make jokes about it to our families but it was all in good humor between both of us, not me pressuring him to propose. When people do that I just feel like they're pushing the person away more by appearing needy. Just my opinion!

THE WELCOME MAT!?!? Made me gasp....I cannot imagine doing that - holy cow. I can't imagine starting our future with force like that - yeesh

Yes! I think it’s totally cringy! It’s one thing to have a discussion with your SO about expectations of the future, but it’s a complete other to be passive aggressive about it (like the door mat you mentioned, social media posts, picture captions, or passive aggressive comments to SO, or to others in SO’s presence). Not only does it come off as pushy and desperate, but it also ruins the surprise and romanticism of the proposal! And personally, I would always wonder if that person even wanted to propose, or if they only did it because they were bullied into it.

I cringed just reading that! I haven't seen a lot of this personally but I completely believe you when you say it is out there. That being said, every relationship is different. My FH and I talked about getting married long before the proposal and both agreed it was something we wanted. He told me he wanted to ask my parents and do the traditional proposal so I literally spent 8 months knowing that he was planning something but not knowing when it would happen. I am sure I made a few of those cringy comments in that period without realizing it since it really was just a matter of time and him buying the ring.

I think it's normal!

i'm one of those haha. but it's honestly also because my husband is the type where he will not do something unless there's a deadline and even when there is a deadline he will wait until its very last second to do it. but we also did talk about getting married eventually. but the difference is when that "Eventually" would even be. to me it would be realistic like 2-3 years down the line and that's what happened. but for him it could have been like when i was 53 years old or something ya know xD he really doesn't have a grasp of time

I think its super cringy!

If you are forcing a proposal down your SO's throat, why not just propose yourself? Since its usually women pressuring their male partners, I'll throw out there that I feel like a woman nagging her boyfriend to propose is just as untraditional as the woman doing it herself. So instead of being the overbearing girlfriend, take the lead and do the proposing!

There is a difference between having a conversation with your SO about the future, marriage, fears and hesitancies, etc and putting a deadline on a relationship or turning a proposal into an ultimatum. If you and your partner aren't on the same page its time for a serious talk, not pressuring them through social media and other channels.

For the most part I absolutely hate stuff like that. My fiancé and I were together nearly 5 years before he proposed and we'll be together almost 7 by the time we get married - I never cared. Granted, it is most likely because I could take or leave marriage in general and have always said I don't need a ring on my finger to be happy with us and staying together, but that's just the type of person I am. I've had so many people tell me they're glad he finally got his crap together and proposed when they have no clue that we've been open with each other for years about whether we both felt ready to take the next step or not.

My hairdresser is someone I went to high school with and her and her fiancé just recently got engaged after 10 years together. She jokingly posted one of those "together 29475 days and no ring" boards on social media but I believe it was only because she was aware they were finally at a stable stage in their relationship where they were ready for that... and like a month later he proposed and was planning to before she posted anything. For me that was the only instance I haven't believed it was totally cringe-worthy.

Absolutely cringe. That is a private matter that shouldn't be broadcast to the world.

Related things I also loathe and think are cringey:

I have been the "evidence" - we were out at dinner with a couple who had been together four years, and the girlfriend turned to me and asked how long we had been together before we got married. I answered (five years), and she turned and looked pointedly at her boyfriend and said "see? They got married after four years." It was incredibly awkward and embarrassing, and my husband and I had no idea what to say.

I also hate family members/friends who ask "where's the ring?" either in person or on social media. The aforementioned couple, every time there was a Christmas photo or a Valentine's Day post, someone from the girl's family would inevitably comment, "I DON'T SEE A RING ON THAT FINGER STILL" or some other crap. It appeared, to an outsider, that her family was also ganging up on him.

It also completely robbed any joy from the moment when it "finally" happened, because the comments were full of her friends and family saying "ABOUT TIME!!!!!!!!!!" This isn't funny or cute.

Why would anyone ever think this is a normal or acceptable way to approach their expectations surrounding marriage? That should stay strictly between the couple - you should not put it on a welcome mat, post it on social media, or allow your family to get involved. It's one thing to joke about it with your partner, it is another entirely to scream to the world I AM WAITING ON A RING (FOOT TAP), "joking" or not.

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LOL at the first point! I totally agree! My FH and I went out for my birthday last month to a rooftop bar. One of the girls in the group sitting next to us literally asked us 100 questions about getting engaged - every single time she would be like "SEE JOSH! I'm not crazy, they only dated this long before HE proposed!" It really is the most cringe worthy thing. And yes, it's always so uncomfortable when other people make a huge deal out of the fact that you're not engaged yet!

I completely agree with you!

I think it’s cringey when people overshare on social media in general. Couples may have their own personal jokes but at the end of the day people usually post *most* things on social media for attention. So that could be the same with someone posting every place they go, tons of BFF bday posts, all of that I find super cringe.

I'm just laughing at imaging the girls that did do this stuff reading this post like 👁👄👁


Because you know there's some girls like that on here 🤣

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LOL oh yeah without a doubt!!