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Question about being a Bridesmaid in a silly conflict

Leasa, on October 10, 2022 at 5:02 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 5

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My friend is getting married next year and she has made me a bridesmaid.
She recently decided to cut one of her old friends from high school out of her life (and guest list) recently due to unfortunate circumstances and is prepared for the fallout. This person is also a friend of mine, doesn’t know about being cut and is, most-likely, expecting to be invited. Once she finds out and knows my role as bridesmaid, I foresee getting questioned a bit.
I am curious if anyone has been in this kind of situation before and, once planning for save the dates/bridal showers/etc commences, if I end up getting questioned from the cut out friend, is it best to just claim ignorance and pass her along to the bride? Do bridesmaids even know who’s on the whole guest list normally? (Sorry for silly question, first time bridesmaid)

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Latest activity by Jacks, on October 11, 2022 at 3:58 PM

Expert October 2023
Bailey · on October 10, 2022 at 5:22 PM
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Yikes. I would always choose honesty in these situations - is the bride planning on telling her she isn't invited or is she ghosting her?
If she is going to tell your friend she isn't invited, and IF that friend asks you about it, I would say "She had mentioned it but I knew that she needed to be the one to tell you." Hopefully she respects that it has nothing to do with you.
However...if bride is planning on ghosting her and not telling her she's not getting an invite, I would definitely tell the friend IF she brings it up, like 'I still haven't gotten an invite??' I would say something like, "I heard something and I felt like it was my duty as your friend to let you know what was going on. Bride mentioned that since you guys have drifted that she wasn't planning on extending an invitation, I'm so sorry"
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Leasa · on October 10, 2022 at 5:35 PM
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Thanks for your response!
Unfortunately, both parties have not spoken to each other in the last couple months. This does not help much because our friend group is the type to not contact each other for a while and then catch up where we left off.
In this case, while I am not sure how this is going to go, I think the bride will only say something if she is confronted with the question.
I guess a follow up question I would add on my story would be, if this friend finds out and asks why I didn't tell her or why didn't I vouch for her, would it be best to just go "I am sorry, it was something that be best to be told from the bride. I appreciate you both as friends but this is something between you two." (?)
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Devoted November 2022
Allaura · on October 10, 2022 at 7:00 PM
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I would claim ignorance and just say “you might want to talk to the bride. She is in charge.” If she asks why you didn’t vouch for her or something I would just stick with “It’s not my wedding and was not my decision.”
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Expert October 2023
Bailey · on October 11, 2022 at 6:40 AM
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That's a good plan! This is a tough situation and hopefully bridesmaid will understand. It isn't your place to tell her but if she asks, again I wouldn't lie personally!
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on October 11, 2022 at 3:58 PM
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I like this suggestion.
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