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Just Said Yes June 2022

Putting Sister-in-law To Be in Wedding or Not

Lindsey, on February 14, 2021 at 8:46 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 15

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My fiancé’s brother is getting married this September. My fiancé is in the wedding party, but I am not. I really don’t mind this being that me and the future SIL are not super close and haven’t know each other as long as her and her bridesmaids have, ya know? But since we recently got engaged and have started planning, the talk about our wedding party has come up and I’m conflicted. We are planning on announcing and asking our people to be in it in October of this year after their wedding. Should I put her in to be nice since she’s officially a part of the family now? Or should I just leave her out like I intended to in the first place? I should also note that I am incredibly close with two of my fiancé’s cousins and do plan on putting them in my party no matter what. Do you think the SIL would be offended that she wasn’t involved then also? Thanks!

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15 Comments

Latest activity by Judith, on February 15, 2021 at 9:28 AM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 14, 2021 at 9:02 AM
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I wouldn’t include her if you two aren’t close. I don’t think she’ll be offended and if she is, those will be her feelings to deal with and not yours.
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Legend July 2022
Lisa · on February 14, 2021 at 9:28 AM
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If you don't want her in the wedding party, I wouldn't include her. No one should be included out of obligation, or to make the sides even, or because someone else wants you to include them, or because they included you in their wedding, etc. Only include those who you are closest to.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on February 14, 2021 at 9:32 AM
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You shouldn't include someone just because you feel like you have to because that's how conflicts or drama start. Only include people you can't imagine not having standing by your side.
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VIP August 2020
Katie · on February 14, 2021 at 9:41 AM
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My sister in law and I really enjoy seeing each other but we not as close as my girlfriends. Neither of us were bridesmaids in each other’s weddings and it was totally a non-issue. I asked her to say the blessing at dinner (she’s very religious and did an excellent job). Perhaps there is a special part you could ask her to do so she’s included but not in the bridal party? Seeing you are not offended by not being a bridesmaid in hers, I assume she feels the same way- which is totally ok! ❤️
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 14, 2021 at 10:44 AM
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If you have to ask then the answer is no. A bridesmaid is your closest best friend. It is not "I was in her wedding so she needs to be in mine". Follow your gut of who you are closest with to ask. Everyone else will enjoy themselves as guests.
Contrary to popular belief, more people are actually not offended in the least if you don't ask them to be a bridesmaid.
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Super August 2021
Sarah · on February 14, 2021 at 11:23 AM
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If you aren't close then leave her out. And I agree with Michelle on if you have to ask.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on February 14, 2021 at 11:58 AM
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“ I really don’t mind this being that me and the future SIL are not super close and haven’t know each other as long”

This is your answer. DONT include anyone youre lukewarm on “just to be nice” . She really shouldn’t get offended if you don’t include her seeing as she didn’t include you. Sounds like something she should totally understand.
My brother and I both had weddings around the same time, and neither my SIL nor I had eachother in our bridal parties , and it was fine. I love her , so no bad intent at all, we’re just not super close, and we both had small intimate bridal parties of really close friends. It worked well for both of us. BECAUSE we were both planning weddings at the same time, we did become a little closer— texted about plans from time to time, bouncing ideas off eachother , and I think that was nicer for us than sticking eachother in bridal parties ...not being super close , I wouldn’t have wanted the awkward morning of getting ready with her and her bffs, etc — my point is just because she’s not IN the wedding doesnt mean she has to be completely uninvolved or feel left out. I also had my brother and SIL as part of my processional just to honor them. That way they wore what they wanted, sat where they wanted, but still got a little highlight as people that are important to me.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on February 14, 2021 at 12:05 PM
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Definitely don’t include her- putting someone in your wedding out of a feeling of obligation is going to backfire.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on February 14, 2021 at 2:35 PM
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I would advise against asking anyone to be in the wedding you are not incredibly close with. Lots of problems can accure when you choose wedding party based off of feeling obligated.
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Savvy March 2022
lisamarie · on February 14, 2021 at 3:42 PM
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Leave her out - I'm doing the same
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VIP April 2022
CountryBride · on February 14, 2021 at 7:37 PM
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If you are not close then I wouldn't I would stick to the people you want to add into the wedding party.
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on February 14, 2021 at 9:30 PM
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I would say no. Never do that out of obligations
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on February 14, 2021 at 10:00 PM
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I put my FSIL (fiance's brother's fiance) in my wedding for the reasons you described. She picked her bridal party about 4 months later and didn't include me. She wasn't obligated to, but I did feel excluded. Pick who you want.
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Master January 2022
SLY · on February 15, 2021 at 8:10 AM
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Don't include her if you're not incredibly close to her. You aren't obligated to have people in your wedding, and that includes family members.
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Master 0000
Judith · on February 15, 2021 at 9:28 AM
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I cannot imagine that one month after her wedding, she would be upset about not being a bridesmaid in any wedding, for quite a while. I agreed to be in several weddings the sum.er a full year out of grad school, just before meeting my hubby. We had a 5 month engagement, so in the months before I was in 6 weddings. Those were great, a very romantic time. But after my own, one 3 months later. Like taking your hiking boots off mid hike to rest your feet. Then you just cannot put the boots back on. Need a long break.
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