Putting off marriage

My FH was the same and while I never questioned us being together and he never made me feel otherwise it was important to me so we are getting married and he has realized how good it can be legally and lovingly if that is a word. Will he support your career because I do not think marriage can or should change that.

Why would getting married hurt your career?

View Quoted Comment I sing in a duo with my fiancé's dad and also my fiance and his dad have a duo. My work affects our relationship when we all get work of who is getting more work which is stupid. But I also feel juilty becouse I'm getting more work as I have won a award for singing.

My fiancé & I were together for 11 yrs, broke up for 6 & got back together in 2016. He’s a firefighter & does wild land assignments. We’ve discussed the pros & cons of marriage. My major issue is I don’t want to be in my 50’s being introduced as a girlfriend. I need & want the security of marriage. We grew up a lot in the 6 yrs we were apart & know we are meant to be together. Being in his profession, if we don’t get married & something happens, I will have nothing.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this! My hubby works in the elevator business and his job is dangerous, so if something happens I'd have nothing. I'm 26, and we lived together for 2 years. I didnt want to be a live-in girlfriend.

Have you not talked to your fiancé about this before? Like before he even proposed?

Marriage is scary and whether anyone cares to admit it or not cohabiting and marriage are not the same.


I understand your fears, but getting married and your singing career don’t have to change as you don’t have to change your professional name. So I’m not sure how getting jobs being married with your current name would affect?
At the end of the day do you see yourself with your love? If yes, then get married. If not, then have the really awkward conversation.

View Quoted Comment

This is a big red flag, and I would definitely recommend having serious conversations surrounding how this will affect your long term relationship or what changes you can make (perhaps one of you finds a few partner for your duo) so that this no longer remains an issue.

Marriage is a huge commitment and so is having children. Marriage changes everything legally.

I feel like the whole point of being engaged is to get married, so I never understood why people would agree to being engaged but not actually go forward with the marriage part. Typically when people get engaged, one person asks the other "Will you marry me?" not "Will you be my fiance?" I'm assuming your fiance proposed because marriage was the end goal.

You need to have a conversation with your fiance about your concerns and reservations. It's not fair to agree to marry some one and then continually put it off. If you don't see yourself getting married, you need to tell him that. If you just aren't ready yet, but he is, then that is a conversation that needs to happen too. It may be that you just need to work on the jealous issues related to work before you feel like the foundation is there to commit yourselves to one another for the rest of your lives. Counseling may help. Good luck!

If you are scared to get married, then you probably shouldn't get married. If you truly love someone and want to spend forever with them, I'm not sure why you would be scared to get married to them.