Putting off engagement photos because I don't like the way I look

You and I are very much in the same page. About the same size and the same fears. And well, same issues with overeating. Seriously are we twins?

But I had the GREATEST anxiety getting my engagement photos done. I thought I was going to look like a whale, I hated myself. But they came out great. Trust your photographer. Everyone knows what you look like (and you will look great, promise), and the camera really doesn't add 10 pounds.

Well here's your wake up call. If you want to lose weight, here is your motivation! You can do it!

@Nichole Thanks! We do sound like twins. Do you have any clothing tips on what to wear? I picked out a black and grey hoodie/jacket that ties in the middle. Makes me look like I have hips lol. I have no idea what else to wear!

@FutureMrsD It has definitely been a wake up call. Unfortunately I think I'll only be able to lose another 10lbs before our pictures so I'll still feel a bit uncomfortable.

Oh Sweetie, learn to love yourself the way your FS does!

After getting married I got braces and lost almost 40 pounds. I still love my pics! I won't bore you with them but really, your beautiful, happy face is what you will notice in your photos

We picked one "dressier" outfit and one normal outfit. So I wore a nice sundress with a cardigan and FH wore a coordinating shirt (see avatar) and then we wore one everyday outfit just to have some normal ones.

But like Tina said. I kept putting ours off because I wanted to lose weight, but at the rate I'm going they'd never get done. Do them, love them, even if you drop or gain 50 pounds after these pictures, they're still great to have.

I can't exactly help you in what you can wear. I have to dress a certain way since I'm 100% apple shaped and have a big belly with a J cup in the chest section haha.

Engagement pictures are a relatively new thing - you don't have to get them done! Our photographer offered to not do the engagement shoot and just extend our time for her to shoot our wedding.

But now we have a "newlywed shoot" about 3 weeks after our wedding scheduled. Neither of us wanted to do a photo shoot in the heat of summer, I can't do spring (allergies), and we love fall, so we did it this way.

Hey hon, I totally know how you feel. That said, here are three things:

(1) We would love to get to know you. Would you mind putting up a picture for your avi, and a username? Doesn't have to be a personal picture or a picture of yourself--we have one beloved user named Pancakes whose avatar is a picture of her pitbull. And one user named Ally who's avatar is a picture of a dinosaur.

(2) About your body. From your last sentence, I think you are feeling exactly the same way I felt for years. I hated my body, and hated myself for hating my body and not being able to succeed in doing anything about it. I would try to get in the gym and (figuratively) murder myself in there as punishment for my bad habits but I would fail, and then I would feel so depressed that I would eat my feelings, which would make me go back and punish myself in the gym again, which would make me feel bad again, and round and round it went. You can't succeed at punishment. It's a vicious cycle, and a lose-lose situation. Binge eating, anorexia, body image issues, you name it--I've struggled with it (as have many brides on here).

It wasn't until I could shift my perspective and love my body as I was--which at first I thought was impossible--that I started to succeed. FH helped a lot in changing the way I looked at myself. It sounds as though your FH is the same way.

Not to get too spiritual or weird, but your body is your home here, and you only get one. It deserves a little TLC. Love your body, and your body will love you back. When I started loving myself, it was like someone took a heavy weight off my shoulders and I could stand tall and breathe.

Just as I was, I started loving my body. Instead of trying to punish myself with uber strict diets, I started putting in better things--and less of the bad things--to care for and be kind to my body. I started getting in the gym, again, to care for and be kind to my body, to help it be more powerful and better able to function and deal with life. And the best part is, without the feelings of failure and depression, there are so so so many fewer feelings you're tempted to eat. There's nothing to be depressed about if you're only loving the body you have and doing your best to help it.

Before the perspective change, I only gained and gained and gained. But since I was able--with tons of help--to shift my thinking, I've lost 30 pounds and three pants sizes (and that's not the end of my journey yet), and for the first time in my life I am 100% confident in my skin. You. Can. Too.

(3) Pictures. You have a bit of time. I see you say you think you can lose 10 pounds before then. Yay! You can do it! Don't be overwhelmed with how much you have to go. Focus on taking care of yourself, loving your body, and doing what you can.

Best wishes for a healthy, happy marriage and a healthy, happy life.

You also can wait unless you want them for STD. We did them 3 months before since we did plain STD. I was also like you and wanted to loose some weight. I was fearful I would look horrible but they turned out nicely!

Hi!

I understand that feeling totally, I had gained 30 pounds right before we got engaged and felt like I couldn't recognize myself. If you get your photos done now I am sure they will be totally beautiful, but I also understand that fear of being in front of the camera.

Maybe you can aim for a spring engagement shoot and give yourself a little more time to establish a healthy, realistic weight loss plan. Try to imagine how you want to feel on your wedding day, and the kind of energy and health you want to have, and then start with small changes such as drinking more water, decreasing sugar and eating lots of fresh vegetables.

The experience that you're going through (and that I went through) encouraged me to start my blog http://mindbodybride.com/about/ -- you might find some helpful information and motivation there.

I'm so pleased that your fiance is supporting you whole-heartedly, listen to his words and try to speak to yourself with that same love and kindness.

XO

I understand what you mean, but you need to live in the moment. Heaven forbid something happen to you or your Fh. You dont want to regret it. If that were the case, i wouldnt of gotten married last saturday becuase i had lost all of my hair because of my health, but you know..I wore my wig and i got married..Was it what i invisioned ..no, but we did it. no regrets.

If getting engagement pictures is causing you stress- don't do them. They aren't necessary! I didn't do them nor did any bride until very recently. It's a new thing and absolutely not essential. Maybe it's best to hold off and focus on loving your body, like OriginalRandi said, until the wedding day. And then feel much more confident that day when your healthy habits have had time to reflect on your figure. I say, save the money and use it for some boudoir photos I haven't gotten mine done yet but I hear they do WONDERS for your self-confidence!

This is so hard. I hated most of my engagement photos because of my size (I couldn't stop staring at my giant arms). If I would have been able to hold off on photos I absolutely would have. My hope is to have my photographer (who happens to be a good friend) come back next year to take more photos post the wedding. Losing weight is sooooooooo hard :-(

I hated my engagement photos the first time I looked at them. I weight more when I got engaged and married than I've ever weighed - my body feels alien to me. And yet... Everyone loved the photos, and eventually, I did too.

I made myself look at them again and again - not to pick myself apart, but to look for what other saw. When I kept looking for a long time, flipping through over and over, I realized that if I look at them not as me, looking at ME, but look at them looking at US, I see a happy couple in love, really in love.

And your FH can't love the self-loathing out of you - you have to do that for yourself. Your body is not YOU. YOU are you. Make yourself a promise. You will never criticize your body in front of your FH. You will no longer decline a compliment when someone says they like your hair, or you look good, or they like your outfit. Promise yourself that no matter what you feel like when you look at yourself, you will not be cruel to yourself and meangirl yourself. It's really, really hard, and it doesn't mean you stop trying to get healthy for your own sake, but life is too precious to waste a single minute hating yourself.

Now I'm going to get real.... I'm sure you have something in your life that you can use to re-shape your mindset. Here's mine -this is what I think about when I'm down...

I have seen children missing limbs from landmines in their rice fields who are smiling and laughing and playing; I have met women who lost their entire family to genocide and they were still able to smile and laugh; I met teenagers the size of 10 year olds because of hunger who were eager to impress me with their knowledge of my country and focused only on learning... I'm not kidding - it is massively helpful to me to remember that my absolute worst day just isn't that bad compared to many, many people.

For me to spend so much time sad and worried about how my photograph looks feels wrong in that context, and it helps me shake it off and work on being positive. Not saying it's an easy cure - but it helps me stay positive.

Just today, the CEO of my company - a global Fortune 500 company - announced that he has lost an eye due to a freak accident, where he fell down the stairs holding a glass in his hand. He lost sight in that eye first, and due to infection they have had to remove his eye. Again... I don't like my double chin and my arms - but I have both my eyes, and my eyesight. Every day I work on being positive.

You can simultaneously want to look better and work on it, and also not hate yourself for being heavier than you want to be. The self-hate won't help you achieve your goals - being positive will! Hang in there... And here's some of my photos.

You're ashamed of yourself because of your weight? Do you have any idea of how many truly awful people are out there who aren't ashamed of themselves? Don't blur the lines. Shame comes when you've done something wrong. Your body? That's in a different category.

You are you -- whether you are 5'2"and 186 pounds or 5'2" and 96 pounds. Even if you showed up at your wedding having lost 60 pounds, the best you're going to hear is that you look amazing. However, nobody is going to tell you that they love you more, respect you more, envy you more, or want to get together more frequently because you flushed 60 pounds.

I hate the fact that women actually feel compelled to squash or postpone perfectly timed life events because they don't look good enough. You are you. People love you for who you are. That person is in your heart, your soul, and your mind. It's not easy in our society to break free of the unspoken rule (bones equal beauty), but dammit, woman, you are far more than your flesh. The most arresting feature on a woman is her confidence. Believe me, it's far easier to lose weight than it is to gain true, authentic confidence.

If your health is at risk, then pay attention to that. Please, don't go to dangerous, extraordinary measures to lose weight for a photoshoot. It is far more important to work on you. The rest will follow. Now, take those engagement photos and be proud of yourself.

Rebecca, I just wanted to say that you are gorgeous inside and out!