PSA - Addressing a Couple When She Kept Her Name

@CatsBonin - didn't mean it as a call-out! But yeah, when you say one way is the "appropriate" way to do something, you are implying that other ways are INappropriate.

@NowaSeptMrs - in the full link EP covers situations where the woman has kept her maiden name but uses Mrs. Basically, it's about knowing what she uses/prefers and just going with that.

YES.

Honestly, I don't get annoyed when people express surprise that I didn't change my name, but I do get a little peeved when I receive correspondence addressed to Mr. & Mrs. HisName. It's just not accurate and I don't think tradition excuses that.

I've never liked the Mr. and Mrs. His name Last name. Its okay to do Mr. His name and Mrs. Her name Last name.

We addressed all of our STD's using both peoples' first names even if they have the same last name because the whole idea of a woman just being absorbed into the man's identity just bothers me and I'm changing my name! I'm changing it so we can have a family name though not because I suddenly stop existing as an independent entity.

How the F was I implying that other ways were inappropriate. You were reading way too closely into my statement.

Who even cares this much.

I'm irrationally angry about this post.

My mom uses "ms" even though my parents are married and she has my dad's last name. I addressed my stuff to "Mr Him & Mrs Her Lastname" unless it's my mom, then I did "Mr Dad & Ms Mom Lastname"

MS does not depend on marital status! That's the entire reason it was put into use. You can use it for a married or unmarried woman. Surprised people don't know this.

I asked one of my BMs because I knew she kept her married name. I asked her if she signed as Ms. or Mrs. She asked to be addressed as Mrs. but still using her last name, so we wrote it like that.

"You can now acknowledge a woman's identity..." .Ugh I cringe at that. A woman does NOT lose her identity just because she changes her name and everything in the mail comes addressed "Mr. & Mrs. his last name".

I would hope that on the inside of the envelope people put John & Mary. (and they usually do, whether its a holiday card or an invite with the names on the inside invite)

Putting "Mr. & Mrs. his last name" just saves so much ink, time and space!!! You now how confusing/how much time it takes to put "Mr. John Doe & Ms. Mary Smith" ? And that's short names, some people have long names...

I just think the "feminist" movement on this has gone a little too far, changing your name does NOT take the woman's identity away. And, even today most woman DO change their name "still".

The Miss, Ms., Mrs. thing is one of those traditions that I just HATE. A man is Mr. his whole life, but a women get sorted by marital status. Can I go by Ms. HisLastName?

I honestly never use Ms. or Mr. on envelopes for anything, except to FH's grandmother. She is the only person in our circle who prefers it.

Zoe D. -Yes, you can go by Ms. His last name. My aunt does that- she was Mrs. for 40 years, and has been going by Ms. the last 5. They are still very happy- she likes Ms. more.

If someone tries to address something to Mr.---- and Mrs. kept her last name, that doesn't work, because it reads like 'Guy and someone else's wife'. So those of us who keep our maiden names go by Ms.