properly addressing invitations to my feminist friend and her family

I would address the girls as Miss Amanda Smith

You should either ask her or just put "The ______ Family".

I am doing "The ______ Family" if I am inviting everyone in the family.

So Miss is appropriate when adressing someone who is strongly feminist? I've read on their strong dislike for the word, but I've only seen this from an adult approach, not ever in addressing children formally.

And I would put The _______Family, but husband and wife have different last names, and it appears daughters have different last names as well (possibly a combination of both parents last names).

I'm so confused. Thanks for responding.

Can't you just use the little girls first names? It's silly to call a 9 year old Ms or Miss anything... To me, anyway.

On the outer envelope, you would address it to The Smith Family. On the inner envelope, it would be address to Mr. John Smith, Ms. Sally Jones, Miss Amanda Smith and Miss Carolyn Smith

In this case, any of the above suggestions are fine. If you decide to name each child, go with 'Ms.'-- there's absolutely nothing wrong with it.

Seems very resonable to me, my concern is that in saying The Smith Family on the outer envelope would imply (in her view) that I am still insinuating that she belongs to her husband. And this is so new to me because I wouldn't mind if someone addressed an invitation to me as Mr. and Mrs. John Smith. I'm like that. But I very much respect that she isnt, and I'm happy she's in a relationship that embraces it. For me, I'm very traditional.

Well, as a feminist myself, the only thing that I can tell you is that feminists are not a homogeneous group. There are feminists who take their husbands name. There are feminists who don't. We're just regular people who believe in the equality of the sexes. We have as many differing opinions and preferences as any other large group of people. There isn't one widely-held belief that women should be addressed a certain way. Feminism just says that each woman should have the choice and that whatever she chooses should be respected, whether that's reproductive rights, maternity leave, being addressed on an invitation, anything.

Truthfully, I don't think your friend will have a problem with her daughters being addressed as "miss" since they are children. The reason that some women have an issue with miss / mrs. is because it defines women based on martial status, whereas "mr." for men does not. "Mr." can be applied to both married and single men. "Ms." was created as a title for women that is not dependent on martial status, which makes a great deal of sense if you think about it, since you don't always know whether or not a woman is married. It's not necessarily some big "feminist" stance; it is simply leveling the playing field with men with respect to titles.

Anyway, since young children would never be assumed to be married, I think "miss" is always appropriate for little girls. If you are really unsure though, just don't use titles for the kids. Just state "Ms. Sarah Smith and Mr. Peter Jones" on one line, and "Sally and Samantha Lastname" on the next line.

Whew! Sigh of relief. I'm positive I know what to do now. Thank you so much!

As far as the "The X Family" issue, I would just say "The Smith and Doe Family". I'm personally planning on addressing all of my invitations as "Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Smith". I don't want to lose my first name when I get married, I'm not getting rid of my female guests' first names.

I don't think there would be any problem with using "Miss" for children.

FWIW, I hate the term "Ms". Makes me feel old.

I've seen "Miss" for girls, but I can't recall if we are supposed to use "Mister" for little boys. I am so curious about this now.

I addressed couples either:

Mrs. First Name and Mr. First Name Last Name

-or-

Ms. First Name Last Name and Mr. First Name Last Name

I have plenty of engaged couples living together and married women that kept their maiden names.

Ms or Miss should be fine, but the best way to avoid this would be The ______-______ Family

Regardless of what she prefers, I think you need to do what is best for you. As Kendra said, feminism is only about the equality of the sexes and there's no uniform way to do anything. If she's upset about it, you did your best, and there was no harm behind it. I hated the idea of addressing all my invitations as Mr. and Mrs. John Jones and went with Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Jones. If this upset anyone, they were smart enough not to tell me about it lol.

I plan not to use Ms. Mrs. or Miss. I plan to do something like Sally Jones and John Smith. If there are children I'm inviting then Sally Jones, John Smith and Family or if one child that child's name.

I agree with Lisa I didn't do Ms Mrs or Miss.I just addressed everyone by their names. If they had children I just addressed it by family.

Could you just do "The Smith Family" on the outer envelope and on the inner write: Sally, John, Lucy, and Jane. I always figured you could be less formal on the inner envelope.

I kind of have to laugh at this thread, only because everyone is using "The Smith Family". My cousin, Amy, married Jon Smith, so I will truly have an invitation addressed to The Smith Family. LOL.