Proper salutations in a modern (ish) world

I hate and detest the Mrs His first his last too ugh. We just did 'Mr and Mrs Doe' for the invites for those who who are married and took their spouse's name, and John and Jane Doe for the STDs.

I was just venting to my best friend earlier about how much I hate "Mr. and Mrs. John Doe". Like damn, wasn't bad enough to drop your last name, now you literally are just called by your husband's first and last name?

I would say to use the first one if you know they have the same last name.

I did "Mr. & Mrs. John and Jane Doe" for the same reason. I refuse to ever address anyone as "Mrs. John Doe" Will not happen. I don't care if she doesn't care...I care.

We did Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe.

FH asked why not just Mr. and Mrs. John Doe and I stared at him like he had three heads. I was like umm... because she has a first name too?!

The third actually is the "formal" tradition.

Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

Mr. John Doe and Mrs. Jane Smith-Doe

Mr. John Doe and Ms. Jane Smith

Mrs. Jane Smith and Mrs. Joan Doe

Mrs. Jane Smith-Doe and Mrs. Joan Smith-Doe

Ms. Jane Smith (for single or divorced)

Miss Jane Smith (for under 18)

The Doctors Smith (or Drs. John and Jane Smith)

Dr. John Smith and Mrs. Jane Smith (or Dr. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith)

Other ranks (e.g. judge, military) are written like doctor, and also go first whether it's the man or woman.

@miami- YES!!! I keep saying to FH that I have this crazy idea that women can be seen, heard, and even express their own thoughts and feelings, regardless of keeping or changing their names! FWIW, I am changing my name (although undecided what's happening to maiden name), but I don't feel like that makes me invisible. I'm not going to fade into the background just because I'm married.

@stephanie-perfect answer!

Thanks everyone! I'm probably going to go with Mr. and Mrs. John and Jane Doe. It sounds good to me, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't some crazy improper thing. Now I just have to figure out all the other scenarios and get it to the printer tonight...eek!

@SHINY OBJECTS I am not changing my last name and my FH likes to give me a little shit about it once in a while, jokingly. We got a thank you card from the last wedding we went to and it was addressed from Mr. and Mrs. His first and last name. My FH was like "look, she even too his first name! Now that is dedication!" I gave him a death stare and then vented to my best friend.

I like Mr. John and Mrs. Jane Doe. The Mr. and Mrs. John Doe drives me nuts too lol

I did not change my last name and we occasionally get things addressed to "Mr & Mrs. DH" and it makes my blood boil. Like, sorry Aunt Sally, you're adorable Christmas card means nothing to me now, those penguins in santa hats can burn in hell. He thinks it's kind of comical, which usually leads to some sort of physical violence on my part.

I addressed mine like Mr John and Mrs Jane Doe, didn't care what they preferred in that case. I did some Mrs Jane Smith and Mr. John Doe, in the cases that I knew the woman more and she didn't change her last name when she got married.

No one contacted me afterwards to be like, "hey I didn't like this"... but then again who would.

I'm also of the opinion that if someone mistakenly calls me Mrs FH last name, it's not the end of the world. I'll respond to both, but proudly tell anyone who asks/finds out that I'm not changing my name.

I'm replying to bump this thread because I found this discussion extremely useful. Thanks WW!