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VIP April 2012

Program wording-Stepmother and deceased mother

MySharrona, on February 9, 2012 at 6:51 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 8

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I am trying to word the program and here’s the situation:

The FH’s parents have been divorced since 1990 and his Dad remarried in 1994. So, there is a stepmother involved but no one on the FH's side has ever met her since FH’s mom was adamant that she never be invited to any family event (she pitched an ugly tantrum if she even heard that the stepmother was invited)

So, the FH’s mother passed away in November and now the stepmother plans to attend our wedding. YAY-cause I really like her). Except— how do I address this in the program? I don’t want to upset anyone but we think the stepmother has been treated like a 2nd class citizen for 18 years and we refuse to perpetuate that behavior.

Basically, I have a stepmother, a deceased mother and a lot of emotional people.

Help!

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Jenny, on May 26, 2013 at 2:46 PM

Master October 2012
Kimm · on February 9, 2012 at 7:04 PM
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Treat it as if she never pitched the fit in the first place. That happened almost 20 years ago.

You'd be listing FH's parents names and leave it at that and then have a separate section for "In Remeberance" and list FH's mother's name. does that make sense?
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VIP November 2012
Elisa · on February 9, 2012 at 7:21 PM
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I'm with Kimm. It was his mom that had a problem with the step-mom so it's a non issue since his mom won't be there (not to sound insensitive). I would list them both in the program and leave it at that.
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VIP April 2012
MySharrona · on February 9, 2012 at 9:53 PM
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You're all right...just needed to hear it. The FSIL has asked us to not include the stepmother (to honor the mom's wish that the stepmom be excluded) we told her no and that it wasn't her place to dictate who we invited to our wedding. I suppose I can only worry so much...and make sure I assign tables. LOL
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Master March 2008
Hayley C™ · on February 10, 2012 at 2:34 AM
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Parents of the Bride
Mr. and Mrs. John Doe

Parents of the Groom
the late Ms. Kim Jones
Mr. and Mrs. Mike Smith
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Devoted September 2012
Tammy · on February 10, 2012 at 7:56 AM
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Hayley has it perfect.
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Super June 2012
Trice · on February 10, 2012 at 8:02 AM
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I also have a stepmother, her name is under my dad's. I placed my mom 1st and then my dad and his wife. Someone asked me how did my mother feel about me adding her name and she doesn't care. My dad and mom has been divorced for 33 years. I love them both. I know this is no help but I pray all works out for you and your FH. S/N if the Stepmom never did anything to you and FH why do they want you to dislike her? FH parent's isssues are just that his parents issues; jmo
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Master March 2012
Mrs. Lemmon (Amy H.) · on February 10, 2012 at 8:35 AM
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Hayley said it perfect
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Just Said Yes May 2013
Jenny · on May 26, 2013 at 2:46 PM
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I am a stepmother of the groom and married to the grooms father for over 26 years and the wedding program did not have my name as married to the grooms father. The program only listed my husbands name and his late wife. We, along with anyone who knew us were totallly embarrassed by this lack of ettiquette and only showed the rudness of both the bride and groom by skipping his stepmothers name... Especially when he walked me down the aisle ... and everyone can see we get along fine. His late mothers name along with my name next to the parents of the groom should have been mentioned! this type of attitude has only created hurt and embarrassment for whoever made the decision on the wedding program.
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