Processional question about groom...

Why doesn't he want to see your mom?

That's an odd request, but it's his wedding. I would just have the parents enter first, then your FH with the officiant.

That is a very strange request. I would have your mom escorted down the aisle then have the officiant (best man) and your fiance walk to the front. This seems very odd to me.

View Quoted Comment

He holds some resentments towards her. She has some mental illnesses and has made some choices in the past while I was growing up that hurt me, but she and I worked through them ourselves and we have a pretty good relationship that is well-managed. He's pretty unforgiving of her, and he holds onto those things that have happened. Even though she and I have worked it out and are totally fine. So I feel like I'm at an impasse.

View Quoted Comment

It is odd.... and it feels super funky. I'm going to try to talk to him again about it, but I feel like I need to have a better idea of alternatives before talking to him about it again.

I'm sorry, but that is a completely unreasonable request on his part. I understand he has strong feelings about her, but she is important to you and "traditional wedding" or not, he can manage his own eyeballs (look somewhere else) and feelings for that short period of time. If he really won't budge, then insist he comes up with a solution on his own (but it can't be a solution that hurts your mom or you). Personally, I would quit expending my own emotional energy on this.

View Quoted Comment He really shouldn't hold things against her that happened in the past especially if you have forgiven her. Mental illness is a tricky thing to deal with and it doesn't sound like your fiance fully understands that.

View Quoted Comment

I agree. It seems kinda petty considering it is for mere moments, and he could just look away or talk to his officiant or something. It is so brief! Thanks for your feedback. I need that sort of reminder!

View Quoted Comment

I truly wish you the best navigating all of this. And I am glad you have been able to repair your relationship with your mom. That is difficult!

View Quoted Comment I think it's perfectly fair for her fiance to have requests. It's not that big of a deal to have the mom walk down the aisle first. It's not like he doesn't want the mom in the processional at all it's just the order it's not a big deal to have whatever walking order

View Quoted Comment

Well... I guess that is what I meant. He doesn't want to see her... doesn't her coming down as part of the processional. He thinks for some reason that my mom is bossing me into this. And I told him that she isn't, that I want her to be walked down in a processional too. It's important to her, and it affects me and matters to me too.

So I was trying to think of a way in the processional in order to better manage that.

Even with your explanation, I think this is a silly thing for him to be stuck on. Not everyone’s relationships with their parents is perfect, but it’s not his job to monitor yours. Furthermore, by marrying you, he is also marrying into your family. He needs to get over his issue with your mother.

However if you are ok with his feelings towards your mom, I think you have a couple options. Have your mom walk out and sit before he goes to the alter. You can have him facing backwards (towards the alter) until you come out, at which time he can turn around to see you and only you. He can simply look away from your mother when she comes out. Or you could make it a cute thing where he’s blindfolded and you take it off when you get to the alter. So then he’d see no one but you. You say you’re not being traditional with your wedding, so you can make up anything you want and it’ll be right.

Yea, I don't know why your FH not seeing your mom is more important than you seeing your mom. To me it sounds really hurtful and like a power move to try to prevent her from getting to be a part of the wedding, especially if it is something that is important to you. If you and your mom are good, I think he needs to budge on this one. It's YOUR mom and YOUR wedding too.