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Just Said Yes November 2018

Private Vows / Reception to Follow

Carolyn, on August 28, 2018 at 1:13 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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Myself and my FH absolutely hate public speaking and/or being the center of attention. Yes, even on our wedding day! We were thinking about doing vows with our very close family only, then having a reception with about 130 people after. It's a huge day and even though I don't want to walk down in front of a crowd, I still felt like it would be nice to have our friends and family there to celebrate!! We booked a ranch for our reception with a caterer, but we are keeping it super casual and fun! Basically an upscale country BBQ with food and drinks!! We know its still our day so well always have eyes on us, but not as bad as vows in front of everyone. (We're super awkward when it comes to that) We were thinking it may be too much to do a small ceremony with the family before the party started so we're thinking of doing it the day before??? Any thoughts???

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Camille , on August 28, 2018 at 11:33 AM

Savvy August 2019
Sierra · on August 28, 2018 at 1:44 AM
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My husband and I had our wedding a month after we got engaged, so there wasn't much planning. But all we had was our closest family, about 15 people for both the ceremony and reception and it was all in the same day. And it was nice, but I'm also bad with public speaking and being the center of attention, so I didn't enjoy our day at all. For our actual planned wedding we plan on doing a private photoshoot for our "ceremony" and a reception with our closest family and friends. It's well worth your peace of mind to do what makes you comfortable because it's YOUR day and youll want to have good memories of it, not uncomfortable ones.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 28, 2018 at 2:47 AM
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Why would it be too much to do the ceremony and the reception in the same day? That is traditionally how weddings are done. You'll just tell the remainder of your guests to arrive at the reception start time, not the ceremony start time. If you choose to do the ceremony the day before, you will be responsible for hosting a meal for the immediate family members that you choose to invite to the ceremony. That will add extra cost to your budget, as will HMUA, photographer, videographer, etc. if you choose to use them for both days.
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Expert May 2019
Jane · on August 28, 2018 at 5:22 AM
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I think doing everything on the same day is a better option but just with your closed family at the actual wedding ceremony and invite all your friends and other family to your party afterwards like you said. That way everyone gets to enjoy your special day, including you !
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Expert August 2018
Mrs. Mecking · on August 28, 2018 at 8:01 AM
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My FH and I are both really shy too. We decided that after our first look we will tell eachother our vows. Then do the ceremony and reception. We want to express our feelings for eachother but don’t need to do it in front of anyone.
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Master July 2018
Cuoghi · on August 28, 2018 at 9:31 AM
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Just do you vows in front of everyone. If you can say I love you for forever in front of your friends and family with your husband, I think there are bigger problems. During our vows I didnt even think about the people that were there besides him.
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Super June 2019
Mary · on August 28, 2018 at 9:35 AM
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We aren't even saying vows. I'm fine with public speaking but my fiance is not. We decided to not put him through that
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VIP December 2018
Ashley · on August 28, 2018 at 11:15 AM
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While I understand the point you're trying to make, it doesn't necessarily mean there are bigger problems- we're not doing special vows or saying anything remotely romantic because I am 100% incapable of doing that in front of a crowd. It's not because of how I feel about him or the relationship, it just makes me uncomfortable to say anything like that around people- much less a large group. It's not just FH, either- I couldn't say anything about how much I love anyone- family included! I don't like showing emotion around people- I just get extremely uncomfortable and look an the closest exit.

We're doing a first look exclusively because I don't want to share that moment with anyone
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Devoted October 2020
Camille · on August 28, 2018 at 11:29 AM
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I love this idea. It seems much more intimate and romantic for your wedding day. I think this is a great alternative to saying your personal vows in front of a crowd, but still having that moment. You could say the pre-written standard vows during the ceremony.
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Devoted October 2020
Camille · on August 28, 2018 at 11:33 AM
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Agree with this 100%. This is a moment you want to share with JUST your FH (at least that’s how I feel). I don’t need everyone to hear my sappy words and I think it will be much more special exchanged between just us.

With that said, though, I think this is very much a personal decision. Do what works for you and your fiancé and not what everyone else says that you should do. My cousin and her FH wrote letters to each other instead of vows, because they were most comfortable with that. I think the sharing of love between two people is very personal and the couple has complete discretion to choose what they want and what works for them!
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