Private ceremony etiquette question

It's still a tiered reception so I would shy away from it. If i remember correctly, you have lots of family stuff happening so I get what you're hoping to do, but I'd just stick with the 37 people

Yea I get it. I wish my mom and FMIL understood that times have changed since they married.

I am going to have to stand firm with this but since it is a bar that anyone can show up to, my fear is that there's nothing stopping them from inviting who they please by word of mouth. I just hope that doesn't happen.

Control what you can, be a watch dog with invitations. Worst case if that happens it makes them look tacky not you, lol. But seriously good luck!

Mrs.Voegs - is it me, or do you post this same question about every other week? Are you expecting different answers, or nah?

This is going right back to where you were.

Your private ceremony should really only be your parents, your siblings and their so's.

The other two parts, the dinner and 'after party' (if I remember correctly) should be open to the same group. Or it does become a tiered reception, which is rude.

That's a tiered reception. 37 people is not an intimate ceremony. Intimate ceremonies don't have bridal parties or SOs.

Yea sorry guys. I'm just so frustrated with my mom and FMIL. They just. won't. stop. I'll tell them no and just hope they don't invite others to show up.

To clarify, 3/4 people on each side of our wedding party are married to each other, which is why I say we are including their SO's. But I get it. ETA: The rest are literally immediate family. It's adding up quick because my parents are both divorced and remarried, which doubles the numbers. How do I invite one sibling and not another or one grandparent and not another.

You can't have it both ways The way I understand it is the moment you invite anyone except for your parents/siblings(their SOs)/grandparents it becomes more than an intimate wedding, meaning that anyone else excluded from the ceremony should not be invited to the reception or it becomes tiered.

Good luck with the moms, just show them a thread or two on here and maybe they will start to understand the logic behind it!

@Fall bride, I am actually very close with my stepdad's parents, as me and my half brother are their only grandchildren. My stepmom's parents (3 people, divorced, her father is remarried) on the other hand I could give a fuck less about being there, or even my dad, stepmom, and stepsisters altogether, but I feel obligated to invite them. Why? Because I don't want to hear anymore bullshit from my stepmom and I feel like being the bigger person and doing the right thing.

I think just stick to the 37 people!

Why don't you just have a later "private" ceremony, ie. around 6-7 pm, then do the reception at the local bar around 8? Then whoever you want at the ceremony can grab dinner before hand and you can head to the bar and prep for your other guests to arrive?

You can give the excuse that you don't want to be late for the reception and worry dinner will run over time, so if people go get dinner beforehand without you and your FH, you can still do your grand entrance at the private ceremony, and you can all then head to the reception after.

@Vanilla I think that's an even worse idea. One, because by 6 pm it's dark outside, and 2, now we are not feeding/hosting anyone coming to our wedding.

ETA: our ceremony is outdoors.

I applaud you for going the small wedding route. I'm a huge fan, and don't let anyone tell you that they aren't every bit as special as weddings with a three digit guest list.

I loved your entire idea, until you mentioned the MOB and MOG wanting to invite random friends to the third phase of your celebration. That's tiered, but I think you know that. You said you're worried about the MOB and MOG inviting these people, and because it's a public place, you can't really keep them out. Technically, that's true, and if this actually happens, you're going to have to figure out how to separate your invited, hosted guests from those you didn't invite. There's no reason you should be paying for drinks for those people who were invited by these two ladies. If they do this, despite your protestations, you have to let the mothers know they will handle the drink tabs of their friends, not you. It's a job that's far more trouble than it's worth.

Well again. You've asked this exact question every week. Better to feed none rather than some. Or just accept that this is kinda out of your control, which it shouldn't be, and make the best of it.

Could you cut grandparents and bridal party from the intimate ceremony to make it smaller and just do your immediate families?

Yeah, you need to either put your foot down to your FMIL or have the wedding they want you to have... this discussion happens like every week.