Pressure to have kids?

I get asked a lot about when are we having kids vs if we even want kids aha I guess people just assume that’s the natural next stage

Yeah, I get it all the time. I'm currently in a full time grad program and barely have time to breathe between classes, research, teaching, and clinical placements. I keep telling them that a baby isn't happening for another 2 years at least. I almost want to just record myself and play that anytime anyone asks since it's always the same answer.

When we got engaged my mother in law said I’ll give you $10,000 to have a baby today. It’s all she wants to talk about. We are trying but haven’t been successful yet. And now I’m going to my sister in law’s baby shower with her which I am dreading...all I say is I’ll let you know when there’s something to know which calmed her down a little bit. My stepmom started that stuff too but luckily my dad shut her down.

Im the same age as you, turning 25 in October. And my fiancé just turned 31 as welll! But yes our families have been bugging us about having kids for mist of our relationship so I get it! Only difference is we do plan to try once we get married in a few months so I’m not bothered by it and it actually makes me happy that our families are so excited for us to start our own family. We also don’t have any babies in either family, my fiancé’s nephew is 17 and he’s the youngest on either side. But if I didn’t have plans to have a baby either at all or not for a while I can definately see how it would be irritating, I would just reiterate that you want to enjoy being married for a few years first! Honestly that kind of stuff isn’t anyone’s business but you and your husbands.

View Quoted Comment Omg yes! I may as well just record myself at this point. I sound like a broken record repeating myself like this

View Quoted Comment Wow the fact that you’re trying would just stress me out further. It’s insensitive for her to constantly be asking you when you’re trying to make it happen and it just hasn’t yet

No kids for us! I get so sick of people asking. My family has stopped for the most part now. Even when I say no kids, people are like “ohh just wait you will change your mind” or “you don’t know what your missing” I don’t know why people think we have to have children, or when we should. I think waiting is the least selfish thing you could do. It should feel right, and have the energy and time to raise a child. I also agree with getting your travels done, a home, and some life experiences before starting your family. Honestly I had to get mad about it a few times. I think it is unacceptable and rude to tell someone what to do with their body, and when. You might have to get a bit mad to get your point across.

View Quoted Comment Omg I’m also turning 25 in October! But yeah, my fiancé and I agreed we would start trying when I turn 27, that’s when our future home will be 90% done being built. We told his mother and she gasped dramatically😭 Congratulations on your wedding ❤️

View Quoted Comment It does add to the stress, but it’s even more of a reason I’ve put up a wall there and won’t discuss details. I’ll let her know when I’m 3 months.

I had my guest mail in advice and well wishes cards since we are having a zoom wedding and I didn’t get a bridal shower. The amount of people that wrote back things about children was shocking... a lot of our friends have kids already but we really want to enjoy our marriage for a few years and I 100 percent want a house before I have kids. What makes the kid question even harder for me is that I have a condition that gives me issues with my fertility and adoption is a big conversation we are having.


There’s something about starting your life that gets people very nosey and giving unwanted advice, unwanted questions etc. I’ve learned through planning my wedding that people think their opinion is the one that matters most and you have to block it out. I’ve found comfort in letting people know I’m waiting, letting people know this is what I want and I’m not rushing. There’s so many women who choose to wait and people need to honor that more so normalizing it in conversation I hope helps !
Anyways, do what you want ! And when your ready.

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Yeah that’s probably best. Good luck, hopefully it happens soon! ❤️

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Yessss some people don’t even want to have any. It’s rude to ask and even more rude to pressure. We want to be moved into our newly built house before I give birth and spend years traveling. That means 2-3 years. It’s really not that hard to understand. Even my best friend was like “really 2-3 years? Why would you want to wait?” You’d think it was obvious

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Yes! It’s like they’d prefer if we’d still be in our apartment with an entire child than to wait until our house is done being built. It’s ridiculous how it’s taboo to wait until you’re ready. But thanks and good luck! 💕

A colleague of mine who is child free by choice responds “how do you know I can?” if people ask. It tends to shut them up. Other options, depending on how nuclear you want to go, could be:

“How do you know we’re not struggling with infertility?” If you’re not, and they say “oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t know” then you can respond “actually we’re not trying yet but if we were struggling, your asking could be incredibly painful..”

“Are you asking me if your son cums inside me without protection?”

“Oh, we enjoy anal sex far more than vaginal sex, so no kids for us!”

“Every time you ask, we put TTC off for another month. Currently we’ll be starting TTC in August 2035.”

“That’s a very personal question. I’m embarrassed for you that you actually asked that.”

“Well, MIL, we’re trying but no success so far. Do you have some suggestions for us? Maybe you could tell us what positions you used when you conceived DH and his siblings? We really like cowgirl, but maybe that’s not conducive to conceiving. Do you have any ideas what we could do to increase our chances? I mean, we’re shagging like bunnies but we’re just not having any luck. DH can go for ten rounds a day- I’m so lucky to have found him! DH is doing everything he can to get me knocked up - he cums so hard and there’s just so much of it that I can’t imagine it’s anything to do with him. And he always makes sure I have an orgasm, which is supposed to help the sperm get up into my Fallopian tubes, so it can’t be that either. What do you suggest?” Then watch her turn fifteen shades of red.

Enjoy a few years of marriage! Create a strong foundation (and enjoy some fun) BEFORE kids—they’re forever. I hated being asked that when I dated my college BF by his mom—constantly. 😡


I didn’t get married to my hubby until my 40’s (he’s 50’s), we have no kids and it works fabulously for us.

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Lol live your best life 💕 I definitely want to wait 2-3 years before getting pregnant

View Quoted Comment 👍👍👍 Smart thinking. Don’t let anyone pressure you.

I've been very open about wanting kids, but I'm also in my 30s, so most people aren't rude enough to inquire.

That said, I enjoy KiwiDerbyBride's methods, because asking if you are TTC is *beyond* invasive and people need to remember that!

Obviously, there are many shades to those responses, but I think a gentle reminder that people are prying into your health and personal relationships should do the trick.

My family jokes all the time about wanting me to have one and even saying the names I like! I don’t need anyone jinxing it and it makes me very annoyed that it always come up! I have PCOS and a bladder condition so when I am ready to try it is going to be difficult and I don’t want the constant pressure I get it all the time! Fiancé is 32 and I am 28 we want kids for sure but I’m not feeling settled with my life right now. We need a bigger place I don’t necessary need a house first because that’s going to take me years to do but I need a 2nd bedroom without a debt before I even start tor try. There’s to much stress in my life right now and I would like a little time to just be with my husband because once we have a kid it’s going to be all about them which is fine we love kids so much but it certainly will change life and I want to atleast feel more settled. I have been getting the pressure for years and it’s a huge turn off. Kids make me so happy but when someone is nagging you to have a kid it turns you off especially because they want you to have it so they can play with them and give them back at the end of the day my child is my responsibility so no one should tell me when I should have one plain and simple!! Don’t let anyone get to your head when you feel you are ready then that’s when you should start trying!

My partner's parents pressure us about this frequently. Less often since we moved away, but honestly it makes me mad every single time. We're in the same boat with you and want to live our married life first. We just say "not for a while" and they stop talking. If it gets worse again, I'll start resorting to the "that's a really personal question and we don't want to talk about it, please stop asking" response.