Pressure to be married in Catholic church

WHEN will relatives of the couple realize it is NOT about them?!

I am Catholic, and I think you should stand your ground. Although you could probably arrange for that to happen, it would probably require you to jump through hoops like promising to raise your kids Catholic, etc. Perhaps you should talk to your MIL the way I talk to my 9th and 10th graders at my church...i tell them 'nobody appreciates someone who is faking it. It is insulting to people in the church if you decide to be confirmed' (or in your case married) 'into the church when it is something you don't believe. I will respect you 1000 times more if you are true to yourself and choose another course.'

Sometimes religious people, especially in older generations, seem to believe that somehow if they can force you to receive a sacrament in the church, it will make you catholic. that is a delusional thought process. you get to make your own decisions! can FH help you? not sure why you have to be the one to explain things to his mother.

Hubby needs to step up and tell his mother it is not going to happen. It is HIS mother and she'll forgive him eventually, but she'll hold a grudge against you the DIL if you confront her by yourself.

It is the renewal of YOUR vows, not the renewal of her faith in the church.

No one has the right to shove their religion down anyone else's throat....

Best wishes!

I love what shannon said, no one likes a phony. I am getting married catholic but It was our decision to do so and let me tell you if your heart isn't in it, you are going to hate it! Besides the hour long ceremony that I get the most annoyed faces from our guest about, you have to go through classes, meet with the priest and get asked some personal questions. It's a lot to go through, so if you don't want to do it then don't. Mils can be stubborn so have your fiancé there and have him say no as well.

We were both raised catholic, Catholic school an all. heck my mom even teaches at a Catholic school, but its not something that we as adults believe in. My parents ( well mom, dad isn't involved in religion) accepted it a long to ago. I think FIs mom was upset that that we are not having a church wedding, we are actually self-uniting so there will be no minister/preacher. I am sure as the day gets closer she will bring it up more, honestly she is just going to have to accept it. We are adults and its our decision. Wait till she finds out our future child won't be baptized or involved in the church.

Doesn't matter how badly she wants it, as soon as a Priest realizes that you are not Catholic and have no desire to he will refuse the request. Plain and simple. I am not Catholic but my FH is so we are having a wedding ceremony in the Church, but not a full blown mass. And he still has to be an active member in the Church and I have to provide proof of my baptism in another church. There are a TON of hoops to jump through. So your FMIL is looking at a losing battle, she can't arrange anything, no matter how hard she might try. Hopefully she is not too sore over the situation.

Alicia, how can you "Self unite" is that even a legal marriage? Or are you just doing a spiritual marriage with no legalities to it?

I was personally raised as a Jehovahs Witness all my life. About 4 yrs ago i decided to step away from the faith and that has made my relationship with my 2 sisters and mother distatn. i hardly talk to them or see them which makes it very difficult for me at times when i wish i had their support. These past few weeks my mother has came around a lil more and I know if i were to marry in the Catholic Church just to make my Mother in law happy, shed completely walk away from my life and shed probably never speak to me again. I would never take that risk for something that I dont trully believe in. Ive always said that would make me a hipocrite, and I dont feel comfortable doing something i dont feel in my heart is right. My MIL has gone as far as to tell me and everyone that all she wants before she dies is to see all her kids married in the church. Shes tried signning us up for catholic classes and retreats.. I always refuse.

Julisa...stand your ground on this and do not give in. We ended up giving into the pressure to appease my parents and family, and getting married in a catholic chapel. We ended up really downplaying the ceremony..cutting it in half basically. But still we are not happy and its not truly what we want.

So make sure this does not happen to you. If she is going to be angry at you for not following her beliefs....I am pretty sure there is a bible passage you can quote to throw it in her face....

Oh! Here is one:

The Book of Sirach, chapter 15, "When God, in the beginning, created man, he made him subject to his own free choice."

Thank you Stacey, ill have to take note of it lol

Self-uniting i(AKA a Quaker license) very legal- at least in my state, Pa. It actually goes back to the 1700's when we were founded by Quakers. Quakers do not have Pastors, Priests, or really any type of formal head- so there was no Officiant to marry members. So the state developed this type of marriage license, where all you need are two witnesses to your vows, who then sign the license making it legal. In 2007 there was a Pa court ruling which opened this type of license up to anyone of any faith (basically the state has no business asking your religion when you apply for the license).

Our other option was the online pastor route, which in Pa may not be legal. It really depends on your county, most county level judges rule "online pastor" marriages are valid, however one judge in York county ruled that they are not valid because the "pastor" does not have a regular congratulation.

I am Catholic and we are having a nuptial mass. Part of the process for the marriage preparation is the priest/deacon verifying your freedom to marry. I'm not sure of all the details involved with a convalidation (which is basically a vow renewal in the Catholic church for a couple who was married civilly before or in another faith) but the priest/deacon would not go through with it if you were not there on your own free will. If the church feels one of the partners is being forced into the marriage it won't happen. And the priest/deacon would flat out ask you and of course you are not wanting to do it so if you tell them that they will not do it until you actually want to. The officiant has the ultimate discretion of who he marries, not your MIL!!!

If you're not Catholic, you can't have a Catholic wedding.

Do what you want. It's not her wedding.

What FutureMrsKruse said....that is a private conversation between you and the deacon/priest. Your mother will never find out what goes on in that conversation. If it gets to that point, be honest and say yes you are being forced.

Tahnks girls. I havent seen her since our Save the Dates went out. I will be seeing her tomorrow so well see how that goes..