Prenup

It’s a “just in case” thing. No one ever says “damn I wish we DIDNT get a prenup” lol. But plenty of people end up wishing they did get one.


No one goes into marriage thinking they may get divorced. But plenty of people do get divorced, so it’s naive to say it’s 100% IMPOSSIBLE that you could.
It’s something you don’t want to think about, like writing a will. You don’t want to think about death; but you still have a will. You don’t want to think about divorce..... but you can still get a prenup. If you get one, the “worst” thing that happens is you stay together and never have to use it.

My husbands family did. If I could go back that’s the one thing I would’ve pushed back more on. I ended up doing it to make people happy but it 100% wasn’t necessary for us. It caused a lot of tears and stress and my attorney even told me it was one of the most unnecessary things he’d ever done and he was sorry I was having to pay for this. I would advise your friend to get her own attorney and find out her rights.

I'm asking my fiance to sign a prenup. I have built some assets and I want to be protected if we divorce.

If you are young and neither of you has a lot of assets, they are typically not necessary. However, they can be important if either of you has substantial assets.

The stereotype is that they are for the purpose of cheating one party out of their fair share. That's not true. They are really for the purpose of making sure that in the event of a divorce, you don't have all the money going to the lawyers, instead of either party.

Simple example: couple lives in California, where all money earned during the marriage is community property. However, assets from before the marriage belong to whoever owned them then. Wife has a business which she owned before the marriage. However, she has put time and money into the business since the marriage. How do you sort out what part of the business now consists of her earnings during the marriage, versus the value (including inflation/investment earnings) of the property she brought into the marriage? Similar problems exist if one party owns a house before marriage, but pays the mortgage after the marriage with money earned during the marriage.

And this gets even more complicated if the couple lives in California, then moves to Maryland, or vice versa. Or if the wife sells that business, and buys another with the proceeds. Or 100 other complicated factual situations. In the absence of a prenup, it's easy to spend so much money fighting over who gets what that a lot of assets get wasted. A prenup can give you a formula for dividing things, so that you don't end up in this situation.

I love what PP said. I think she hit it on the nail about protecting assets. I didn't ask my husband for one and he didn't either. But I think we both agreed that had we had substantial amount of assets beforehand or a large wealth gap between each other, we probably would ask for it.
I've also heard of such things as a post nuptial

Agree that if either or both parties have significant assets, own a business/interest in a business, etc. (and/or have children from a prior relationship whose rights one party might potentially want to come before those of a new spouse, etc.), it's wise to consult attorneys regarding pre-nups. If there are issues related to "family money," the parents/grandparents/etc. who control those assets may be able to address those issues with a trust or other safe-guards that don't require a pre-nup. No one plans on a marriage ending, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. We have a relative, who after 30 years of marriage, is in the middle of a divorce and the spouse who got involved with a third party both instigated the divorce and is trying to do serious financial harm to the other spouse. It's incredibly sad and painful to watch.... As long as both parties have legal representation, it shouldn't be a bad thing.

My FH had initially wanted to get one when we were first talking about marriage because his ex-wife screwed him out of everything he owned (including the dogs) when they got divorced. We have since combined our bank accounts and called it a day, but I didn’t blame him for wanting to get a prenup just in case. It’s not a reflection on either of you, or your relationship. It’s a practical document that changes nothing unless you need it.

My FH and I agreed that we will have one. We each have significant assets that we want to protect just in case.

I understand wanting to protect your assets should you divorce. I don't think it is necessary the same as a will. You KNOW you will die, and your will is your wish as to who gets what, etc. That will be done and figured out one way or the other, so it makes sense to have a will. To me a prenup (unless there is a VERY good reason) suggests you don't trust the person and/or the relationship. I know not everyone agrees with that thought, but that is what I think.

We are both getting one done. His mom asked him if he was having me sign one. So that is what made him do it. Even though he has no assets or property or substantial money. He just wants to protect his pension and I'm fine with that. But to have family whisper in his est about it didnt sit well with me. I talked to my lawyer already and he sees no point in us getting one but we will.

He suggested before getting engaged, maybe a year and a few months of us being dating. If I remember correctly I cried. I felt that he didn't trust me. But after being engaged, I don't really mind signing anything, I let him know about it and lat time I asked he wasn't sure if he would make sing one.

My FW's father isn't someone who's really been in her life, unfortunately. We see him maybe 2-3 times a year. He is well off and plans to leave her with XYZ, however he told her Mom (they are divorced) that he's probably going to need me to sign a prenup. My FW was hysterical telling me this, because this is something she never would've asked me to do, and didn't want it to scare me off. It hasn't come up since, however I told her if he wants me to sign it that's fine, I will. I guess it's just more sad he hasn't taken the time to get to know my character and I'm not the type of person who would ever take from her. Whether good or bad times. We'll see the outcome! I love her so regardless I'd still sign it.

We decided together not to. But we've discussed it a few times. Our thoughts are if either of us had real assets before getting married it would be worth it. We have our retirement funds but decided they are not enough value to pay for the legal fees of a prenup, but if either of us owned a house we would get one.

My FH and I have both agreed to have one- well before we were even engaged! To be legal, a prenup can’t be one sided. My personal feelings is that is it easier to agree on something while you are happy, but won’t be if we ever become unhappy. His family thinks it’s the most ridiculous thing ever- but we personally feel like it works for us.

View Quoted Comment Same with me

I work in family court and there are a lot of people who would have benefited from the discussions involved in a prenup. I am not saying everyone should write one if they don't want, but you should have the conversations involved. Money and Finances. Children's religions and upbringing style (this is not legally enforceable in a prenup but HAVE THIS CONVERSATION ANYWAY). Where will you live? What property is "yours" versus "ours?" If a parent gets sick, will you take them in? We think about the assets and money when we talk about prenups, but they are so much more useful than that even when they never get signed.