Premarital counseling, what should we expect?

Be sure you feel comfortable with the therapist. Expect basic questions about yourselves and your relationship. Expect questions like "What is your partner's greatest strength?" "How do you communicate?" It's not uncomfortable if it's a good fit.

The counselor will probably bring up hot topics like what do you think about sharing a bank account, when do you want kids if you want them, who raises the kids, what religion to raise them, how often do you want to have sex, do you understand the difference between intimacy and sex, etc. A lot of topics or questions to get you both communicating and on the same page. I'm very glad we are doing this.

We are both happy to do it, I just feel better if I have an idea of what's going to happen. Thank you for your feedback ladies!

Our counselor gave us a binder of questions and asked us to look through a section before each session then talk about the questions we thought were most difficult to communicate or that we weren't sure of the other person's feelings about. Our next session will discuss our patterns if conflict and how to break negative interaction cycles.

I a marriage counselor. Since most couples fight about (and eventually divorce over) money, sex, in-laws, kids, or housework, I touch on all those. Also, I live in a very culturally diverse area, so I always ask how the couple feels about extended family living together. It is not necessary to agree on all these, but if there's a difference of opinions, I coach on good communication to help them sort through it.

As other's have said, being comfortable with your therapist/counselor is key. No one is right for everyone, so if you're not at ease with the first person you meet, shop around.

We like her so far, we've spoken on the phone a few times (damn insurance company) so I hope we like her in person.

@waychox3 Just curious, what do you mean when you mention insurance? Does insurance cover this type of stuff?

Is it a 1:1 counseling session? We've never done anything like that but we did a pre-marital counseling workshop over a weekend. We enjoyed hearing the different speakers and talking/connecting with the other couples!

My insurance covers ours. Our therapist is a family therapist and she bills for us individually.

Yes, depends on your plan though. Both fh and I have "mental health benefits" the trick is finding someone who accepts either one and is in network. I currently have Blue Cross Blue Shield PPO, fh has UHC PPO.

What I had to do was call BCBS and ask about my MHB and what they entail. For my plan a visit to this office will be a $40 co-pay. She didn't accept fh's insurance but that isn't an issue since she can only bill one insurance anyway.

Anna, yes it is. It is a standard office visit session.

Ours wasn't what expected and has been very helpful. Instead of going topic by topic on hot button issues like finances & marriage the pastor told us the bring in 12 rocks each and on each you write one thing about yourself that you feel could cause problems in your marriage. And we are not allowed to talk to each other about it outside counseling. Its great bc instead of complaining about each other we are forced admit our own shortcomings/issues. And you can't just discuss vague things like "children" bc you have to have 12 items and it's hard to come up with 12 things wrong with yourself. So obviously during discussing the 24 items all the hot topics come up in addition to some very personal & deeper issues. The format is we take turns saying one of our 12 rocks then explain why we feel like it is or could be a problem for the marriage. The pastor than ask the other person their feelings on that issue. Then he gives his advice/thoughts. So our opinions aren't muted or changed by his advice (bc we talk 1st ) which encourages honestly and not a need to sound right. Its been crazy to see FH address the very issues I see in him and its even better that he's bringing them up instead of me bringing it up. We also do other stuff like discuss family trees, and do assigned reading. Like I said its been very helpful & different than expected.

FFW, that's a really interesting approach!

Have an open mind with the goal of learning something new about communication/conflict/ babies/family.

@FFW that sounds like it would be very effective and I have never heard of that approach before! We are doing premarital with a pastor too! I hope he does something like that

She asked us to have a lot of conversations that we had thankfully already had!

My FH and I have benefited so much from premarital counseling! The pastor marrying us and his wife gave us a book and workbook to work through together and every other week we meet to discuss areas of concern, surprise, joy, and everything in between! For us, it's been unbelievably beneficial to look at budgeting and financial responsibility-focused chapters, and we've also discussed family, sex, conflict, holidays, goals, dreams, fears.... Go in with an open mind and enjoy getting to know your FH even more intimately. we had discussed all of these things before, but talking with someone else and hearing questions from their perspective has honestly made us fall even more in love and reaffirm our decision to dedicate our lives to each other. Plus, we've had a lot of fun looking to the future together each week! I feel so corny reading this again, but I mean every word. Enjoy it and make the most of it!