Premarital Counseling a must?

We did not do pre-marital counseling. Dh and I have excellent communication and regularly talk about all aspects of our relationship and our personal goals and contributions. So we are comfortable.

If you are wanting to try it out though, I would say you should schedule a trial session. It can't hurt to go to one, you might learn that there are little things to improve on, even if you decide it's not something you want to continue. I think the fact that you're thinking about it and FH is not on the same page about wanting to should tell you that it would be a good idea so you can both see what exactly it is.

I think it is important. There are lots of things you may not have discussed in depth that premarital counseling will help with. Maybe you discussed kids but not if someone will stay at home when you have kids or if you'll both work. What about a parent dying? What about an ailing family member living with you? Have you made a budget together?

I found the discussions very useful.

We skipped it, but I can completely understand the reasons for wanting to go. My friend sent me her pre-cana documents and we went through those together, but we had pretty much discussed everything prior to even getting engaged. If your communication could be stronger, I highly recommend it, but if you communicate very well already, which your FH said you did, there are a bunch of quizzes and questions you can look up online, print them out, answer them separately and then discuss together.

If it's something you really want to do though, and he's dismissing it, maybe that's an issue you'd like to discuss with him. What's the harm of trying it out and seeing? Maybe start with the at-home stuff, and if you both find you have more things to work through than you thought, look into pre-marital counseling.

My FH and I haven't done any type of pre-marital counseling, but we have gone to couples counseling, as well as individual counseling.

No matter how strong you think your relationship is, there are ALWAYS things that can be improved, or can be better. For example, if I suddenly found that my FH was unwilling to compromise or put in the time for our relationship that I was requesting of him (ie. premarital counseling) that would signal to me that something wasn't quite right.

Clearly you see the need for the counseling, and that should be enough to motivate him to want to go with you despite him not really seeing the value or need.

Just my thoughts!

I think if one person wants to go to counseling and the other just flat out says no without working on some sort of compromise (like "ok, lets try one session and see how it goes, if it wasn't beneficial we don't have to go back")....that seems like a sign that you should see a premarital counselor. If neither people have interest in going, then fine, but it sounds like you would really like to give it a try.

We did it and we enjoyed it and found it very beneficial.

It took some convincing but I finally dragged FH to premarital coaching. In his mind, premarital coaching was like seeing a shrink and only for people who were struggling. He also didn't want anyone to tell him what to do or tell him he was in the wrong. Our premarital coach doesn't do that; it's just about learning about each other. You might be able to convince him to go by framing it that way.

We're both really enjoying it. Since neither of us are very talkative, we actually are learning a lot. I think if you're a quiet couple that doesn't share everything, it's a must. But if you already discuss your personalities, religion, family background, finances, plans for the future, etc. freely and often, I think you could probably skip it.

So that's the thing, I think I'm mainly interested because of our married friends who raved about it, but not necessarily because of anything between us. He's more black and white about decisions and I'm almost always on the fence lol which balances out because he helps my indecisiveness and I help him see it things from different points of view, ya know. So I don't necessarily think we "need it", I was just interested after talking with friends and how they enjoyed it and figured why not. Maybe I'll look up docs online like you guys mentioned! I hadn't thought of that

Only read your title, not going to lie.

I might be biased since I'm in grad school to become a marriage and family therapist but here's my take on it: why wouldn't you give your marriage the best head start you possibly can? Get ahead of the game. Get all the answers to final exam. Make your marriage as rock solid as possible before the vows are exchanged. It's common sense to me to prepare when I have the means to do so.

There's a reason why many places require the therapists to complete so many therapy sessions on their own as a part of their education and job requirements. You can never be too emotionally stable and healthy.

We are doing it because it's required at my church. I'm looking forward to it, FH is only doing it because it's important to me to get married at the church.

My mom always tells the story of her premarital counseling. The pastor said "there is literally nothing I can tell you or quiz I can give you that will guarantee that you are married 5, 10, or 15 years from now." I think that's true to an extent. You know your relationship with FH. Do what is best for you as a couple.

I don't require it, nor do I offer it (I'm not qualified), but I think it's a very, very good idea for most couples. It doesn't only benefit those with issues, but everyone.

I'd try to get to one session and see how it goes, but if you think it's a good idea, he should at least try.

While your FH sounds like he's comfortable with your communication, from your post it sounds like there's a disconnect in the communication on this issue.

We're not doing premarital counseling, but we've known each other since 7th grade (we've been out of high school 10 years now, for clarification), and we've lived together full time for seven years now. We've had the discussions around how the wedding doesn't change our love for one another, or the expectations we hold (tbh, the wedding is simply because I come from a big family and its important for me to share this with them formally, otherwise we probably would've gone JOP).

I second @ Mrs. Sasswood - Why not give it the best possible headstart? Maybe ya'll go once and decide it was a waste of time, maybe you come out feeling amazing.

We are currently going to premarital counseling....our communication is horrible...read: I have a hard time talking when he's like a brick wall that doesn't show/express feelings and takes things super literally so I have to carefully plan out what I say and how I say it. It sucks. I'm hoping this helps us communicate better, but in reality the communication pieces we have covered so far are "I statements", and I suck at saying I feel ___ when you do/say ____. Because it's unnatural and he gets super defensive...the whole thing sucks...fingers crossed it gets better...

We're skipping it. We've been together 10 years, living together for 5. Our wedding is just a formality. If there is anything I don't know about FH, I'd be surprised.

I echo @MMB!

We had 1 full day of pre-cana. We communicate really well and have a great relationship (and marriage) but I will say we bonded a bit more from it.

See if FH will agree to just a couple sessions. It's worth it. FH and I thought we had great communication and were pretty set. Turns out we definitely had things to work on and it's been so beneficial! We've been learning a lot more about each other and the way that each of us thinks and it's really helped our communication even more.

Completely and 100% worth going to pre marital counseling.

We didn't do one and I think we'll be okay. We've been together for 13 years before we got married (We started dating in HS), so we're confident about who we are as individuals and as a team.

At a minimum you should read the 5 love languages book and learn what each other's love language is. After my divorce, and being married for 18 years, I learned that XH had a love language completely different from mine. I view love through acts of service and he needed words of affirmation (which I don't need or want) I firmly believe we would have had a different relationship had I known his love language and he knew mine.

I highly recommend pre marital counseling just to generate discussions you may not think of. Even if you think you have a solid relationship, an unbiased third party can help to work through things you didn't know needed to be covered.

We are doing pre-cana through the church this weekend actually. A while ago we took a financial class together which I loved, I know it is something that can lead to a lot of fights in relationships so I am happy we are on the same page with that. FH and I have already talked about a lot of things including finances, what we are willing to go into debt for, and what we would do if we couldn't have kids on our own just to name a few. I am looking forward to the pre-cana to see what they have to say. I think counseling is one of those things that can only help and will not hurt a relationship. I do believe that you will both have to be committed if FH doesn't want to be there you might not enjoy it as much