PRE save the dates?

Are you doing a wedding website? You could make up a postcard with the URL and send it to them, and put something on about checking for updates periodically in case anything changes. I agree that it's way too early to be sending STDs.

Tell them they can wait. Or be vague and just say "we're still working out some details, we'll let you know more closer to the time."

a year is more than enough notice. 6-8 months is ideal, you are correct. And honestly? Save the dates are a new phenomenon. So they aren't even necessary!

You can just tell them the date- there's no other info on a save the date that they don't already know.

I'm not sure where you got the idea that STDs don't go out until 6 months prior. It is my understanding they go out as soon as you have your date. And you don't actually have your date until you have your venue. If you have OOT guests, which it appears you do, then you should send them out as soon as possible so they can start planning accordingly.

We seriously just told people "we don't know yet."

Even when we had the venue booked, because like you said, plans can change.

I think 6-8 months is PLENTY of time for them to figure out their travel plans.

If you have a venue then I don't see why you can't just tell them the date via word of mouth

Earias, definitely not. Save the dates lock you into a guest list and sending them out a year or more in advance would be a clusterfuck.

You can just tell them the date, that's what we did! We launched a wedding website and just told people by word of mouth. We didn't even send regular save the dates lol.

FFS what a bunch of eager beavers. Tell them the date via word of mouth (if you have your venue booked), then send out your STDs when you originally planned to.

I mean, it's great that they're excited and all, but they need to calm their tits.

Oh that makes sense - I guess I automatically was thinking about STDs for a DW or a wedding around a holiday weekend like mine. I sent them out as soon as I knew the date and venue since it is so close to Christmas (but most of my guests are family anyway).

Yeah it's not a destination wedding...i just feel like I shouldn't be pressured to announce a date to certain people and not everyone and then if other family members find out they'll be mad. I like the website idea. I have started one...im just in school full time and work two part time jobs and an internship and was not ready to be making STDs yet!

You're not crazy at all! 6-8 months is plenty! I liked a PP's suggestion of directing them to a wedding website for now.

Just tell them. With your words.

"We are thinking September 22 of 2018, but we don't have anything booked yet so that is still subject to change."

There is no reason to keep it a secret.

I understand those tgat want to know early. Some people plan their vacations a year in advance. My ex's job was that way....he had to plan out his vacations for the entire year, in JAN! So while you might think it's early, if you have the date , jist tell them. You can send out STDs later on but at least they can start planning. Some might even need to save money for the trip and if they have other stuff they are budgeting for (ie a wedding of their own, saving to buy a new house, etc), they would want to make sure they have enough. We didn't do STDs. We did a wedding website and word of mouth and just sent out our invites earlier than many other people. Side note, my wedding is in 15 days!

StPaulGal- there's a larger backstory about his family criticizing us for announcing the engagement on fb (instead of calling everyone in the family...) and judging everything we do...so I want to announce the date the most "conventional" way so we're not criticized for that as well. And why should they get special treatment and get to know the date before everyone else? I agree with the majority, they should wait patiently and if a year wasn't enough notice then oh well I guess they're not coming

Honestly they've given me a hard time since day one so I think I'll go with my gut and send them the date when I want to and not when they want it!

I would send the STD's 8-9 months in advance, I wouldn't go too much before that. Good luck with it!

I'm sending mine out in the next couple of weeks. 90% of our guests are coming in from out of town. I want them to know so they can start making arrangements at work, planning for their family and watching airfare (like a sale Black Friday weekend)

I had a similar issue. Family was rushing me to send out the STD for my DW. They said they wanted time to save. I sent out the STDs .. and 1 person contacted our travel agent.

Now I'm wondering .... what was the purpose of the rush ?!

I agree.. a lot can change before your wedding.

You dont have a date until you have the venue booked. All that can change due to availability. Tell them once you get the venue and the day set in stone then you will send out the std. And make a website so they can check up periodically