pre-rehearsal lunch? or post rehearsal lunch (at an awkward hour)

How far is the restaurant from your venue and how many people?

You can probably skip the rehearsal all together. Almost no one needs one.

@ Elk - about 35 minutes away and its 20 people in 5 or 6 cars

Can you do an earlier rehearsal? Like around noon?

Eh if it was smaller and closer I'd say go for it but I'd just skip the rehearsal all together since the timing is weird.

@Celia and FB99

its not an option that i'm comfortable with.

We have small children involved, the bridesmaids are more neurotic than I anticipated (I said wear whatever nude shoe that you like and it comfortable" and I get 6 or 7 "is this ok" texts every day until i've given up and just said "yes") so they all need directions.

PLUS while I'm pretty laid back about things, our sisters are not and things really MUST be done a certain way or we're having a garbage wedding... besides... any excuse to be at my venue make me happy, its a beautiful space..

So i really am choosing to go forward with the rehearsal.

@mrs fall bride - no one involved drinks and most are anxious to check into the hotel and relax... check in is at 3.

Meaning no one in my bridal party or my parents, his parents drink.. my MOH drinks at parties but not during dinner.. its probably not as uncommon as you think..

but that was only in response to when you said that people may linger for happy hour.. This restaurant also has no happy hour..

there are several bars in the hotel but again... for the group i have atm, happy hour isn't a problem..

i feel legit stuck.

Is asking everyone to return to dinner at 4 or 5 really that rude?

If it were me, as a BP member who traveled, I would prefer gathering for lunch at 12noon, eat, head straight to rehearsal at 2:00pm and then immediately afterwards, check into my hotel and crash. I would not want to go to rehearsal and then head back out again afterwards for dinner.

As a bride, I would the love option not having anything planned/scheduled the eve before.

The bp is all family..

if i have set up a coffee/pastry/ice cream bar at the hotel for after the rehearsal - would this be enough?

Is this being done on a work day? Do they all need to take the day off to make it to the rehearsal?

I dont disagree with you Mrs. Fall..

maybe i could split the difference and have people (if they so choose) meet for an early dinner at 4 after they've settled into the hotel.

This is the problem no matte what i choose there are issues.

@helena - no the rehearsal is on a Sat and the wedding is on sunday.

I'd just invite them, let them know that lunch will be afterwards at 3:30, so they know to eat a little something first.

And rehearsing little kids is fruitless.

I vote lunch before. I think an hour and a half would be plenty of time for a leisurely lunch and then move on to the rehearsal. A gap is the worst option--don't do that. I personally would not mind the idea of lunch at 3:30 on a Saturday, but I know some people would be ready to ready to eat their own shoes by then.

Do the lunch first. That will have everyone gathered together.

I seldom do rehearsals, but they frequently start late because the people are coming from different locations and can't judge travel time. Since you're limited on time for the rehearsal, make sure everyone is there on time.

Have lunch after, and let everyone know that they won't be eating until 3:30/4 so that people can eat something before

ETA: Just do lunch before. It sounds like the best option, and they will just want to check in and relax.

It doesn't matter -- either/or (and Celia's right...rehearsing kids is an absolute exercise in futility -- cooperative one day, uncooperative the next). I've seen plenty of DOCs/Event Managers pull these rehearsals off 15 minutes prior to the ceremony -- with children -- and the final result was flawless (kids tend to do better when the idea is completely fresh in their heads). My opinion is the RD is an optic/a tradition, but it's hardly a necessity (don't get me wrong -- I had one...a rather opulent one, but it was Friday night, energy was high, and it didn't break into the middle of anyone's Saturday afternoon). There are more directives when having an MRI than there are to accomplish several adults walking a short aisle on cue. And I totally don't get the "garbage wedding" reference in relation to the lack of an RD.

You want another excuse to go to you venue, so go (I get that too -- you spent a lot of money for this little slice of time and space). Before the rehearsal, after the rehearsal...your choice. As your attendant, I'd rather go later in the day on Saturday. Then, I'd attend your lunch.

Breaking it up so that the rehearsal was at one time and the meal was several hours later? You're right. That's unfair...in fact, it would qualify as a Rehearsal Dinner Gap.

If some of your guests can't make it to the lunch before, then you have to do it afterwards. It would be rude to exclude some guests from the lunch. No gaps. So your decision is made for you.

By the time everyone gets to the restaurant, it'll be 3:30 anyway. By the time you guys order and start eating, it'll likely be 4. That's an early dinner.