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Savvy August 2020

Pre-nup trouble

Mandy, on August 10, 2019 at 8:40 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 11

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My father began the discussion with me of asking my fiance for a pre-nup. I talked to my fiance, and initially he was very upset and would not hear me out. However, the next day, we talked and listened to each other's point-of-view. After some long discussions, we have decided it is not for us. I do understand why people get them and definitely know where my dad was coming from. However, I have no idea how to tell my dad that we have decided not go get a pre-nup without him being upset. He gets along with my fiance, but he also complains about him. I don't want to risk putting a wall between my dad and I or a barrier between my dad and my fiance. They are the two most important men in my life, and I need them both!

Anybody have any advice about how to handle a situation like this?

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11 Comments

Latest activity by karen, on August 11, 2019 at 7:38 AM

Master September 2019
Sarah · on August 10, 2019 at 8:57 PM
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Why is your dad in your financial business? Is there family money or a business that he intends to give you? What is his reasoning for wanting you to have a pre-nup?
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Master October 2017
karen · on August 10, 2019 at 9:03 PM
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Need to know more. Did your dad work hard to pay for your college, and your fiancé has big student loans. People do get divorced, do you understand where a divorce would leave you financially
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on August 10, 2019 at 9:06 PM
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I agree with previous poster. I don’t think it is any of your dad business. Unless he is planning on leaving you something of large value in his estate. However, I also don’t think your FH should get upset about you asking for one. It’s simply a means of protection. There is nothing wrong with it.
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Super September 2019
Dana · on August 10, 2019 at 9:40 PM
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My fiancé and I joked about it but he says he would never sign one. I get it. We have been together for 10 years and he was with me before I chose my career path and i trust that if god forbid anything was to happen we would respect each other and work finances out maturely
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on August 10, 2019 at 10:22 PM
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I think unless you and your Dad jointly own some business or other type of investment it's not even his place to bring up a prenup. If you don't have a reason or joint investments I would tell your dad you're not comfortable with discussing this.
If you do have a joint investment your fiance should respect that and reconsider his stance.
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Master December 2019
Cher Horowitz · on August 10, 2019 at 11:33 PM
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You and FH are adults who can make your own financial decisions. Yes, it might make your dad upset, but I think he's overstepped boundaries by trying to have you and FH get a prenup
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Savvy August 2020
Mandy · on August 11, 2019 at 12:04 AM
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I own a home that I currently rent out, and I live with my fiance in his home where the taxes are too steep. My dad doesn't want my fiance to get half of my home and me to inherit of his home debt should we divorce. My fiance also is a contractor who pays his taxes at the end of the year, so my dad doesn't want me to get half of his IRS debt should he fall into trouble.
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Savvy August 2020
Mandy · on August 11, 2019 at 12:06 AM
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My dad wants me to protect what is mine before the marriage. I own a home without any other outstanding debts. My fiance has some IRS debt, and we currently live in a home that I would not be able to afford should we divorce...and then I would inherit half of his debt.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on August 11, 2019 at 12:15 AM
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Your finances aren’t your dad’s business. He doesn’t have to agree with the decisions you make, but he does have to respect them. If your decisions make him treat you or your fiancé differently, he has some maturing to do. This is a great time to establish boundaries before the wedding. If you let him meddle in your relationship, this will continue on to other things in your marriage and any future children you may choose to have.
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Super July 2020
D · on August 11, 2019 at 3:04 AM
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Your dad is giving you sound advice. It is the only way to protect yourself from potential problems. I don't think it's a matter of him liking or disliking your fiance. It's about securing you.
A prenup never sounds nice but it is the best thing should you need it.

But you can tell your dad you thought it over and don't want one. If he presses the issue tell him you'll revisit it in a couple of months.
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Master October 2017
karen · on August 11, 2019 at 7:38 AM
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IRS debt is a serious red flag to me. I am guessing he also has credit card debt etc., which he considers "business debt." A contractor, or other self-employed person should be making estimated payments during the year, not waiting till year end. I can understand your dad's concern.
To me, it is laughable to say that anyone can trust a person in the midst of a divorce not to take everything they are legally entitled to.
If a FH is saying we don't need one, we will never get divorced, then the answer is if we never get divorced, it won't ever come into play.
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