Pre-marital Counseling

I think therapy is almost never a waste and everyone could benefit from going at least once in their life. I think that probably applies to couples and couples counseling, too.

That said, we won't be doing it. It's an extra expense and we also aren't religious. We communicate very well, we've lived together for years, we've discussed serious and major life events (kids, not kids, losing jobs, moving cities, dealing with families, money, vacations, pasts, morals, ethics, life roles, and death.) Plus so much more.

As I said, I don't think any therapy where the participants are willing (and the therapist is right for you) is wasted. I also don't think it's any kind of mandatory, nor will it guarantee the success of a marriage. It certainly couldn't hurt, though. As you said, it could be interesting.

To me it depends on the couple. My FH and I are living together so we have discussed money, debts and all that good stuff. He also has a son so we have dealt with discipline issues and future children. I have a friend who didn't know her fiance didn't want children until their premarital counseling, I don't even know how that's possible. In that situation the counseling was extremely helpful. Like Casey said,it could be interesting.

I don't think premarital counseling is necessarily religious. FH and I went thru a set of online questions that went over how you felt about kids, splitting finances, household labor division, etc. It was free, and I think everyone should do it

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Do you happen to remember what website you used?

My FH husband and I have talked about all scenarios mentioned above. We decided that we would go to a counselor to consider the third way. And to have a non biased communicator and moderator. My friend went to counseling before her marriage and reported that it was a wonderful experience between her and husband. I’ve read that in some states it can significantly reduce your marriage license cost. Like down to just taxes.

Https://dating.lovetoknow.com/dating-conversation-topics/100-questions-before-marriage

Im totally stealing this link so helpful!

We did it even before we were engaged. Highly recommend!

Your local university or health agency can help you find low-cost options - usually therapists in training, who may work on a sliding scale. Additionally, some organizations (like Catholic Charities - who serve all faiths) may also offer this.

I personally don't recommend faith counseling, but I'm also NOT religious, and DH and I tried to get married in his Catholic Church, which required precana. I found their version of "therapy" .... unhelpful ... is the nicest way to put it. Secular therapists are trained specifically to help you build communication tools, trust, and support for each other.

TL;DR, do it!

My church where we are getting married made it mandatory that we go to a few sessions before our ceremony to go through some counseling and focus on things that we need to work on as a couple. Personally, we felt it was a waste of our time because we’ve been together for 10 years and have a child together. We live together and have awesome communication so there were no gaps and the priest was surprised we already had a foundation... but I think it can definitely help couples who maybe don’t live together, come from different backgrounds and who maybe might have some communication problems. I think it depends on you as a couple if you think you might need a third person to help you talk something out

I think it was very beneficial! We did it through one of the pastors marrying us, and it gave us several things to talk about (we had talked about most things they went over, but it still helped). We're strong Christians so I loved the foundations for a Biblical marriage we went over with the pastor.

I think this is a case by case thing. My wife and I are older, have been married before, were friends years before we got together, and have lived together. For us it didn't seem important to have marital counseling because we have been very good about talking through any disagreements we do have on our own. I'm not trying to come off any way but honest for us, but we have seriously had 2 fights our entire relationship. However, had I been given the option when I was young and wildly inexperienced, I think the me now would definitely tell that young woman to go for it. There are so many things that couples often don't discuss or know until they are thrust into the situation of living as a married couple. To be honest, if someone thinks therapy may help them, then they are the only one to make that decision. If he is not into it, then you can't force him. Maybe you can go on your own and he may be inclined to join you for a session or two later on. Either way, good luck to you both.

We did it and actually really enjoyed it! I am not religious, but a church near us offers a free pre-marital counseling workshop, so we attended. It actually ended up being awesome. Plus, it dropped the cost of the marriage license from 100 to 30, so that was a nice perk!

It can't hurt to have a place to talk through things and I hate that there is a negative stigma surrounding counseling/therapy. My husband and I both are huge proponents of both. You don't have to be having issues to go, it just gives you a safe space to learn new communication tools and to discuss the future.

It is totally a personal decision, but it can't hurt to try

Pre marital counseling has been great for us! We communicate really well but figured it didn't hurt to have extra tools in our toolbelt to be even better! Plus it gives you early access to therapy so that if issues ever DO arise later in your marriage it feels more like a tune up rather than having to do the work to find a therapist during a stressful time.

My pastor asked if we wanted that. I said no aha but to be honest I think it's not a bad idea. Some couples don't quite realize some issues they may have that may hinder their relationship and maybe figuring it out before hand is better.

Hi Celeste,

This is a great one! My fiance and I did pre-marital counseling with the pastor that is going to marry us and we found it VERY useful. We talked about a budget/finances, family history (how we were raised, etc.), and lots of other things that in a relationship you do talk about but sometimes may not go into a lot of depth until you're married. So it was great to have our pastor initiating the conversation and us talking through all of these things. I hope this helps! And I hope you decide on what is best for you and your spouse Whatever you decide is the right choice.

FH and I just completed our last session with our church minister last night. I didn't realize how much we needed it until we got in there and started working things out. I think counseling/therapy of any kind is worth it. We didn't think we needed it, but we're so thrilled it was a requirement to get married at our church. I say go for it!

We went last week . The counselor felt we were in good shape, although she is willing to see us again... We saw a regular 'therapist' person because we are non-religious. It was good for my FH, who is a tiny bit neurotic, to hear from a professional that we are rock solid.

Our church requires it. We're not super religious, but so far I think it's been helpful. We've had to ask each other questions that we've never asked before. We've talked about topics that don't really come to mind or we've brushed up on in the past, but haven't really went into depth with. It's kind of fun, it's like we're learning about each other all over again.

I'm a professional counselor and I fully intend to engage in pre-martial counseling with my FH. Just because I'm a counselor with experience with couples counseling, it's not my niche, and I'm aware of where my professional limitations are.

I believe that any form of counseling can be beneficial, regardless of background and experience with your significant other. My FH and I have discussed, argued about, and resolved MANY differences in the almost seven years we've been together. We're in no way masters of everything (including parenting) but we're pretty fluent in each others' approach and what works well for us as a couple. I'm aware of his strengths, his limitations, and his goals...and he's aware of mine.

Additionally, I have no experience with "marriage", whereas my FH was married once before. I believe it would be beneficial for us both to have a moderator there than can add some additional insight / perspective on any lasting concerns we may have about anything.

If you're worried about COST of counseling in general, here are a few things you can try:

- Check with your insurance provider. Some insurance plans cover mental health expenses.

- If you're uninsured or underinsured, research your area for a CSB (Community Service Board), which is a large mental health agency / provider. Some have state contracts that can cover the cost of mental health (or behavioral health) services. Also, some agencies offer a sliding scale that will work with your income.

- Check with your church and see if your pastor / minister offers pre-marital counseling for free or at a reduced cost. If you go with a church or faith-based provider, consider working with someone with a background in Pastoral Counseling or something similar.

- Counseling is now provided online in many areas. See if you can find a lost cost option that fits your needs.

I'm sure there are additional resources available in your area. Feel free to ask around!