Pre-marital Counseling?

We were going to just to do it, but after pushing up our wedding date, we just didn't have the time. We also didn't feel like we really needed it to be honest. We've discussed everything under the sun and worked on our communication a lot over the years. But that being said, I wouldn't have been opposed to doing it to have the officiant that I want. It can't do any harm (or at least it shouldn't lol). Are you sure it's the pre-marital counseling that your FH has a big issue with or does he just not want to have a wedding like the one you're currently planning?

I personally think pre-marital counseling is really important. If you have never been married before I think it helps you better understand exactly what marriage is all about. It helps build that foundation that you already have.


My FH and I have been together a little over 4 years and have been living with one another for a little over 2. Our situation is a bit different though. We live with his parents at the moment so bills are paid but not as they would be with our own home.
I really want us to speak more about finances and I feel an outside party will be helpful since my FH is very closed off about money.
Men HATE the term/idea of counseling. You have to explain that it is not the type of counseling people get when they have problems(because truly it isn't). It's counseling to prepare you.
My FH and I had our first session with a pastor that my FH grew up around (my FH has different views on religion and is very closed off with emotions and was still able to agree on going and he opened up). To add, the pastor isn't marrying us which I like even more to be honest... I'd rather do counseling with someone that isn't taking part in our big day.
We both come from broken homes and don't have many marriages to admire in our families so I feel preparing ourselves is important.
The stats show that couples that attend counseling have a lower risk of divorcing.
Lastly, I expressed to my FH pre-marital counseling is very important to me because if we ever (pray we don't) have serious issues I want to know he is open to actual counseling in the future if needed. If my FH isn't willing to go the extra mile to keep us together (even if it's attending something a bit uncomfortable for just about anyone..) that's a deal breaker to me.
I hope this helps!

We're not doing pre-marital counseling. We just don't feel like we need it. Not everyone may feel the same way, though

We're not doing counseling! We're having a family member (my brother specifically) as our officiant.

I was offered it but didn't do it. I kinda felt like we didn't need it but I do think it's a good idea for some couples to just hash out or bring to light some issues that may plague them before marriage

We're doing premarital counseling but not with our officiant. I think that's sort of odd, personally, but I'm not religious so I may just be missing something. We NEEDED premarital counseling because neither of us have been married and there were still a few things we needed to hash out. Like Kayla said, it's not counseling to FIX anything, it's counseling to get you ready for marriage. I don't know what it is with men - they really have a hard time seeing therapists, and they're often not good at expressing themselves or opening up. My guy didn't like the idea of counseling, but he was open to it and now we look forward to our sessions - we're going to continue going even after we are married because it helps us communicate.

Your fiancé's reaction of shutting down and suddenly not being excited to get married is one of the myriad reasons it may be a good idea for you guys to go to counseling. However, it might be best if you seek counseling elsewhere. I don't know - personally, I just wouldn't want the person marrying me to know all of my business.

Is she charging for these sessions? Or does she offer this service for free? Maybe your officiant will let you seek counseling elsewhere and then have a signed affidavit or something showing that you did some counseling?

Counseling also isn't for everyone. Do you feel like you two NEED it? Or are you just going to do it for the sake of having a particular person marry you? You may have said, "She won't marry us unless we get counseling from her", but your fiancé might have heard, "She thinks we have problems and wants to fix them before we get married". Counseling definitely taught us that we hear things differently. If you don't agree you actually need the counseling, I'd find a different officiant you can both get on board with. But if you think you need it, find a therapist together. My fiancé didn't want me to pick the therapist - he needed to feel a little in control that part so I let him, and we're very happy with how it's worked out. Hope this helps a little. I apologize if it meandered a little.

We did premarital counseling with one of the pastors marrying us! Even though we had already talked about a lot of the topics, I still think it was really beneficial. I don't think you can ever get too much advice on communication with your FS.

If it's not something you and your FH want to do then i would maybe find a new officiant if she won't marry you without it.

My FH and I have been together for 6 1/2 years and we have been best friends for 26 years. We have lived together for about 4 1/2 years so we know each other really well.


We are getting married at a Catholic Church so we are required to do an Engaged Couples Retreat. I talked to a few people who have done this and they loved it. Instead of “counseling” one on one with someone, you attend workshops together and then you and your FH/FW talk privately about what you heard at the workshop. You are also there with other engaged couples so you don’t feel alone or singled out.
I am actually looking forward to ours in May! I feel as though everyone can benefit from counseling or something similar no matter how strong your relationship is. Just my opinion though.

Is the officiant a certified therapist? Personally I would never go with an officiant who forced me to do counseling. If it ain’t broke don’t fix it. The ceremony lasts like 20 minutes, I’m sure there are plenty other officiants out there!

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We have ours in March, I'm also looking forward to it. We also have to meet with our priest 3-4 times before we get married, which has been interesting. Did you also do the Focus test? We did and it did bring up a few items that we haven't fully discussed, so I thought it was helpful.

We had been living together for 8 years and we took the offer for pre-marital when it was offered by our pastor. He started off with a website called couplecheckup.com where you both fill out a forum and then you get the results printed off to see where your strengths and weaknesses are in your compatibility. It didn't hurt at all, we know where we differ in opinions and it was interesting to talk about how to resolve issues and problems that may arise. It was just refreshing to talk about our relationship to a third party, different perspectives.

My FH and I have done it. Our pastor is officiating and requires it. But we were excited for it because we saw it as beneficial. Also, we are close with our pastor (FH and him are former roommates) so it was not weird or awkward to talk about important topics and share about the history of our relationship together. We had a strong relationship and were still glad that we went through with it as It helped put future things into perspective and helped each of us realize our flaws, love languages, and how to be prepared for a lasting marriage.

View Quoted Comment No, I have not heard about that. We are getting married by a deacon and not doing a full mass. Maybe that is the difference or just the diocese itself. The deacon is a long time family friend so he knows us really well and we will meet with him about the wedding but he has not said anything about meeting him for counseling.

My pastor requires it but we are actually doing the counseling with a therapist I already see. She’s awesome and my fiancé and I are actually excited for it! We’ve never been married before so we feel like we could benefit from it. It’s definitely up to your preference though. You should do whatever you guys are comfortable with!

Something soooooo important I would definitely do counseling I have been married 21 years lived with my spouse before marriage and I still go back to marriage counseling marriage is belief bu th it's also WORK a bias perspective is and will always be needed maybe you should find someone together