Prayer During a Non-Religious Ceremony - HELP!

From my own recent experience, I learned that I had to let that one go.

We wanted a non-religious ceremony but my grandfather is doing our ceremony and he's a retired southern baptist preacher. He agreed to do the ceremony however we wanted - but now that we're three weeks out, he's saying he is going to pray before and after, and he's going to talk about what the Bible says about marriage (which I do not agree with).

My dad is VERY firm about me letting this go because Reasons and blah blah blah.

Since he's paying, I had to let go.

What about something like this?

May your marriage bring you all the exquisite excitements a marriage should bring, and may life grant you also patience, tolerance, and understanding.

May you always need one another – not so much to fill your emptiness as to help you to know your fullness. A mountain needs a valley to be complete; the valley does not make the mountain less, but more; and the valley is more a valley because it has a mountain towering over it. So let it be with you and you.

May you need one another, but not out of weakness.

May you want one another, but not out of lack.

May you entice one another, but not compel one another.

May you embrace one another, but not out encircle one another

May you succeed in all important ways with one another, and not fail in the little graces.

May you look for things to praise, often say, “I love you” and take no notice of small faults.

If you have quarrels that push you apart, may both of you hope to have good sense enough to take the first step back.

May you enter into the mystery which is the awareness of one another’s presence -

no more physical than spiritual, warm and near when you are side by side, and warm and near when you are in separate rooms or even distant cities.

May you have happiness, and may you find it making one another happy.

May you have love, and may you find it loving one another.

The above is called Blessing for a Marriage by James Freeman

Thanks - both good thoughts! I like the idea of the Blessing for a Marriage. I was also thinking that perhaps it could be done as a toast during the reception, or during the rehearsal dinner, which my future in-laws are hosting.

Do you think it would be insulting to suggest she do the prayer/blessing as a toast?

I would possibly be insulted by that. i would want to give a toast. here's the thing...there will be people at your wedding from all walks of faith i'm sure. so just let it go. when you see a character on tv pray, do you turn it off? no, because it's not that big of a deal and its not life changing. your wedding day will still be your wedding day if a priest, rabbi, preacher, shaman, and priestess all show up and say something that day. let her say her peace, thank her for it, and go right along with your life.

I don't think it would be insulting to do it as a toast, i think it's common to have a blessing before dinner and such. I think it's insulting to push religion on your wedding when you don't want it. I'm not religious at all and that would bother me.

We are having a non-religious ceremony but as a way to appease certain people we are offering a moment of SILENT meditation and/or prayer at the beginning.

How about if she did a prayer/blessing before the meal? Separate from the toast, but kind of like grace before a meal? It might feel more special to her if it weren't part of the toast, but it would still not be part of the ceremony.

Would she be open to a spiritual but non-religious blessing?

My SIL is super spiritual, but non-religious and does 'prayers' all the time. They never mention God, Jesus, or anything religious.

For example, before a meal she might say something along the lines of:

"We are so thankful for this meal, these friends, and our lives." The she has us all clasp hands nod our heads for a few seconds of silence.

You could also find blessings that don't mention God or religion, but are actually from a religious text. Maybe one of those?

Or find out what she wants to read and ask her if she would be ok reading a version you edit to your tastes?

There are lots of ways to compromise, I don't think it should be a problem.

There are a ton of non-religous wedding poems and what not out there. I did a google search and found a passage that we are using for ours. It's not specifically religious, but we both really liked it. I think if it is part of your wedding ceremony, you should have the final say in what is read.

Missed your psot about toast. I think it would be a good idea to save the blessing before dinner is served at the reception? That way you can really keep your ceremony tone the way you want

Are you doing a first look? If so, would it be a compromise for everyone if she read her prayer to you both *before* the real ceremony, but during 'the whole thing'. Being a strong atheist myself, I would not want even the most benign mention of god during my ceremony, period, end of story-- my DH wouldn't even get married in a church, even though Unitarians don't care what you believe!