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Just Said Yes November 2022

Potential family drama- how to respond.

Allie, on August 30, 2022 at 4:00 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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So first of all, I’m asking for advice INCASE something happens so I can be prepared, but so far we are in a calm before a potential storm.
My grandma is honestly a sweet lady, but likes to be in control of everything and can’t see any other points of view. Speaking has not been able to resolve anything at this point. She says that if she can’t bring the family member that she wants that she just won’t come to the wedding, which honestly is fine, like I want her there, but I can’t force her to come. My fear is that she will bring this family member against our wishes. This family member is a cousin who has been kicked out of 4 boys homes and regular breaks into different members homes and steals things. My family is very hush hush so he just keeps getting sent to boys homes and no one presses charges. How do I deal with the situation if she decides to bring him anyways? I’m concerned that just letting him be there may not be a safe option.

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Paige, on August 30, 2022 at 5:17 PM

Expert October 2023
Bailey · on August 30, 2022 at 4:09 PM
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If you're concerned with him potentially putting other guests in danger, you need to hire some security and provide a picture of him to deny entry. This can be anywhere from $50-$100 an hour from where I'm from, so I'd definitely be prepared to pay $800 or so for this if during the wedding process you believe this may happen. It's a lot of money, but imagine how he could potentially ruin your MUCH more expensive event!
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on August 30, 2022 at 4:18 PM
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She's emotionally blackmailing you with the goal of including your cousin. I would be very direct with her, and say that if he arrives at the wedding there won't be a seat for him, and he will be asked to leave. If she threatens then not to come, then if you're ok with that consequence (and I would be) say "you'll be missed....". She will likely back down, but if she doesn't she will have learned that she can't run her agenda.
Edited to add that you don't need to give reasons or excuses or she will come up with "solutions" to the problem.
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Just Said Yes November 2022
Allie · on August 30, 2022 at 4:22 PM
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Thank you, super helpful! Honestly I feel like this could be so worth it not to mention the peice of mind!
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Just Said Yes November 2022
Allie · on August 30, 2022 at 4:24 PM
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So true thank you! I think I’ll ask someone to keep an eye out just to keep an eye on things. She can be so manipulative, but all I can do is be as honest and kindly stern as possible.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on August 30, 2022 at 5:11 PM
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Boundaries. It's just boundaries. You have a right to have your limits when it comes to your family.
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VIP October 2022
Paige · on August 30, 2022 at 5:17 PM
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Definitely stick to your guns. This is your day (and your fiancé's day, obviously), and you call the shots on who from your side does or doesn't get to come. You have a perfectly valid reason for not wanting to invite your cousin. Jacks hit the nail on the head. If your grandma brings it up, just say that your cousin isn't invited and you're not going to discuss it anymore. Don't try to explain it, just leave it at that. If she says she won't come if he's not invited, tell her she'll be missed. I also agree that Bailey's suggestion of hiring security is a good idea if your grandma doesn't seem to want to respect your decision.
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