Potential bridesmaids that hate eachother?

As soon as you ask them, I'd say something like "I'm also asking so-and-so to be a BM. It would mean so much to me to have you both in my BP. Do you think you will be able to put your differences with so-and-so aside for me?" I think it is reasonable to expect your closest friends to be adults and not fight on your wedding day (or during any wedding related things that come up beforehand. If you let them know you have this expectation up front, they can decide right then if they are willing to play nice. If one of them can't make that promise, then she can decline the offer to be a BM and you can invite her as a guest.

I'm thinking about asking a close friend of mine to be a bridesmaid, and her ex is the best man. They had an okay-ish breakup, but the tension between them has actually grown since...long story but kind of similar to your situation. I'm just going to keep them away from each other and come up with some threatening warning if they mess up the wedding.

I think you deserve to include both your friends. Only include them both in what you absolutely have to. This could be hard if you're planning a lot of bridal party events, but I know I'm having one bridesmaid come to dress fittings, one to hair consultations, etc., so they don't even need to do that much together.

edit: I second Samantha

Last night I was FaceTimeing one of my friends who already knows she'll be a BM. She came right out and said "I'm not standing up there next to Jess!" (these 2 have always disliked, okay, HATED each other; it's been 15 years so I have no hope of that changing). I told her if she wants to be a BM she just has to be there for ME not Jess. Then I went on to tell her that this is her fair warning if there is any drama that impacts me or my wedding, they will both be sitting in the crowd and not standing up there with me.

Eta- I don't even care if this means they just don't even talk to one another. They are there to represent my friendship and support.

I really like what Samantha said. I think you should ask both and give them full disclosure, and they can decide if they can handle it like adults.

Ask whoever YOU are closest to. Your bridesmaids aren't required to "work as a team to throw any parties for you"---yes that means your bms are NOT expected to throw you a bridal shower and , bacchlorette party . They're only "job" is getting the dress and standing next to you at your wedding. And you also shouldn't expect your bridesmaids to go dress shopping with you. If you live locally , then go you can go with them separately.

This had to be 15 years ago.....a group of friends I ran around with for several years, one was getting married. One of them and me had a falling out, the groom knew it, but he also knew we'd have enough respect in our respective best man / groomsman roles to go through it seamlessly. If you think they can grow up and be there for you, go for it....this discussion should only happen once. Him and I got through it, we had fun like old times, and we had a mutual respect for each other after the event, even though we all went our separate ways again.

Jesus how do you have such immature friends they can't stand next to each other for fifteen minutes? I don't even understand that.

@jewles, she never said she expected any of that from them, she simply asked opinions on if she should ask both or choose another in place of one

Can you have a conversation with them separately before asking them? Something along the lines of, "I've been thinking about who I want in my bridal party and you and friend x mean the world to me, but I know you have a past history. Would you be able to put those differences aside for me?"

I did this with my bridesmaid for lives in the UK. I'm state side. I didn't want to put her in an awkward place because of the financial travel burden without talking to her first. She had been with me through mine and FHs entire relationship. It felt like a slap in the face not to ask her but I knew it would be a huge cost for her. She said she would love to stand beside me when the time came but she appreciated me considering all the factors. So it worked out.

Sadly, and I'm being colored by my past week, some women just cannot put things aside and get along. Don't let that impact you. But that is easier said than done.

What Samantha said!

And put it this way - they will both be invited to the wedding anyway. Hopefully they can suck it up and stand near each other at your side at the altar.

If they can't act like adults for the event I wouldn't ask either of them.

If your friends can't put aside their differences for YOUR wedding, then kick them to the curb.

You ladies all hit it right on the head! Thank your for the amazing advice. I really like what Samantha said, I'll definitely lay it all out from the beginning. I think I'm going to end up asking them both and just make it clear that they're both being included and it's important to me to have them both there with me!

@lulu1180 hahaha seriously! I don't think I ever said anything about them needing to throw me parties lol.