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Just Said Yes September 2021

Potential bridesmaid with physical limitations

Brianna, on February 20, 2020 at 12:42 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 6

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So I'm in the early stages of wedding planning, and picking bridesmaids has been a big struggle. One of my very good friends whom I would like to ask has some.. Physical limitations, to say the least. Over the past few years she's transitioned to a very sedentary lifestyle, and at this point has gained so much weight she struggles to stand for more than a few minutes at a time. I absolutely don't care about throwing off some kind of "wedding aesthetic" or whatever, she's my friend and I don't care what she looks like (though we've already had a few discussions about my concerns for her health to be sure). Trust me, I'm a big girl too.

Please offer me constructive criticism if I'm being a bad friend or selfish by even worrying about it, that thought has crossed my mind more than once. I just don't know how/if I even should broach the conversation with her that I really don't want to have to have a chair set up for her to sit at the altar (it'd one thing if she was in a wheelchair or something, this feels different), and I'd really prefer if she didn't have to wear sneakers... I'm wearing flats myself, no heels needs for sure, maybe supportive dress shoes exist?
Ultimately, I'm gonna do what I have to do to have my friend in my wedding, because she's very important to me. This is just a conversation that makes me very nervous and I'd like some advice. Thanks!

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6 Comments

Latest activity by Leaves232, on February 20, 2020 at 8:29 PM

Master July 2021
Rebelle Fleur · on February 20, 2020 at 5:22 AM
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If she’s wearing a long enough dress her shoes won’t show and I’m sure you can find wise or extra wide comfortable dress shoes. I’d just flat out ask her hey I know you’ve been struggling with your health and it’s hard for you to stand for long periods and I don’t want to make things harder for you would you rather sit in a chair at the altar (you can have her groomsman sit too so it’ll look “even”) or sit in the front row and have her just stand to take pictures.
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Master November 2020
Kristen · on February 20, 2020 at 7:21 AM
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I don't think you should approach her in a special way. I think you should just treat her as any other bridesmaid. Ultimately it will be on her how she chooses to get ready for the role. Almost every time I've been a bridesmaid I've had to make sure that I keep my weight in check so I can fit into the dress I'm going to wear. Maybe you just asking her to be a bridesmaid will make her feel that she can do what she needs to do to be able to stand by your side.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 20, 2020 at 8:11 AM
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I think you'd be setting yourself up for an awkward situation on your wedding day to ask her to be in the wedding and not discuss her physical limitations. If she can't stand for long periods of time, she can't stand for long periods of time. You need to be okay with providing her a place to sit or not ask her to be in the wedding. It's unrealistic and self centered to think that she will "keep her weight in check" for your wedding. The positive is that you have lots of time before you need to decide on your wedding party, so I would think on it a while longer.
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Super August 2020
Alex · on February 20, 2020 at 8:44 AM
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I would have a conversation with her! Tell her you want her to be a bridesmaid, but you want to make sure she is comfortable. If she want/able to walk down the aisle, then sit down, great. If she want/able to walk down the aisle, then stand with you, great. If she doesn't want/able to walk down the aisle, great. If she wants to just be with you while getting ready, great. I think you genuinely care about her and want her included without being uncomfortable. Tell her and get her input!
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on February 20, 2020 at 12:19 PM
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I agree with this response. I feel like it’s all in how you can accommodate her and what she’s able to do because at the end of the day you want her there. My moh was sick a week or so and week of my wedding! She was coughing up a storm and told me she’s not sure what to do because she has periods she has coughing fits and worried she would make a scene at my wedding. I told her look I still want you up there with me so if you feel you need to cough then just briefly step to the side or back and do so and then come back in line. Granted that’s not the same situation as what you’re saying but it’s the idea of hey you’re my friend and I want you there even if it might not be the most ideal situation I’ve in mind
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Devoted August 2019
Leaves232 · on February 20, 2020 at 8:29 PM
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My husband's four brothers were our groomsmen. One had undergone a serious medical procedure before our wedding which made him unsteady on his feet. He was ok with posing for pics and walking down the aisle, but asked if he could sit in a chair during the ceremony at the alter. Of course we said yes and I just accepted that the pictures would look uneven.
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