I am always surprised to see how often 'it is your day' is invoked by all of us on the boards. Still, there is one example when this seems to clearly not be the couple's day. And that is when it comes to an elopement and a follow up wedding ceremony - complete with vows. I'll be honest. I was reading posts about this and was deeply troubled by what I read...
I think it needs to be said that legal paperwork and religious/romantic ceremonies are not the same thing. And even a minister and priest will tell you this. That is why they want you to be married in or by the church. If they were the same the church wouldn't be bothered by it. For example, notice that no one minds when a minister or priest (or other) says that even though a couple is married under the law, that they aren't under God - and then they have the religious ceremony to correct this (although having already signed the certificate). Or that a couple married under God still needs the legal paperwork and goes to the courthouse.
And more importantly no one refers to it as fraud when the couple seeks out whichever part they missed and no one claims that a priest is committing fraud for marrying a couple who was already married outside the church (and signed and filed paperwork). But, if the couple asks that this be done then everyone trashes them and calls them frauds. That makes no sense. Can couples do the legal and religious/romantic parts all at once? Sure. But, they can also do it in parts.
I've never understood others right to be pissed about something that was really not theirs to be pissed about. Getting married is about the individuals, so get married in the way that suits you, in whatever way suits you - but don't judge others. And if a person wants one family romantic ceremony and one that is just the two of them - they should go for it. If they want the courthouse and a beautiful church wedding they should do that. If they want two romantic weddings (private and public) there is no rational reason to tell them they can't have that.
Weddings celebrate the couple, and if others can't celebrate the couple unless they do it your way or call it what you want them to ... well, I guess you really weren't there to celebrate the couple. If it's a wedding to you because there are vows being said and the important people are there, that's enough justification to call it a wedding. And lastly, only marriage is recognized by law; a wedding can be anything you want it to be. Handfasting, religious, pagan, nonreligious, or paragliding, bungee jumping, and cliff side are all weddings. There is one marriage but there can be any number of weddings (and they do not have to be called a vow renewal). This is because whomever is having the wedding gets to call it whatever they want.
Personally, I trust people to know what's best for them. I have no problem with hidden ceremonies either. For some people, it's just what felt right for them (celebrities often do them). It's not an attempt to lie to everyone or even deceive. And it's not starting marriage off with lies. It's starting it with boundaries that a couple has agreed to regarding their privacy and should be honored by guests.
To be clear all these rules are made up by someone, sometime long ago. No one is forced to adhere to those rules, though others might not like it if they do. However, someone not liking your idea isn't necessarily a reason not to do it. Each bride and groom has their own story and it should be written by them on their terms only.
I support anyone who wants a secret wedding, an elopement with a wedding too, or any combination. The world needs more love and weddings are a wonderful way to keep spreading that happiness around.
