Postponing plans

Anything secret is not worth doing especially when it comes to weddings. Why would you want to keep your marriage a secret?

I think if you have to ask for clarification if something is selfish then most likely it is. Why not just postpone?

View Quoted Comment Well we wouldn’t keep it secret forever. We would just be married a year before the wedding. I wouldn’t hide my marriage but it could be nice to share it just us for a year. We’re just brainstorming ideas with all the craziness going on!

Yes, lying to your friends and family is selfish and no way to start out a marriage.

Lol no I wouldn’t do that. Marriage is to be celebrated. We considered getting married on our original date and party later, but it seemed like a waste since we’d already be married. Just postpone and enjoy the authentic feelings with all your loved ones.

Contrary to some other posters here, I don't believe you have any obligation whatsoever to tell anyone you got married legally before holding a public ceremony with your family/friends later. That is your business and no one else's. I also don't think there's any major reason NOT to share the news, but I wouldn't think anything of it if I found out a friend or family member got legally married before their public wedding ceremony. Especially not these days.

Getting legally married in private doesn't make the public ceremony later any less special, important or authentic.

I would advise no to keeping it a secret. Eloping is something people choose to do even when there is not a pandemic. If you want to elope and celebrate later (maybe even with a full ceremony) than go for it but I would advise you to tell people that is what you are doing.


That being said my fiance and I waited a week before telling ANYONE we were engaged. He pulled out the ring when we were having a moment despite having a big surprise planned.

View Quoted Comment

Yes, this. It's absolutely fine to get married in a private ceremony, during a pandemic or not. Making this choice is not selfish. But there are no good reasons to keep it a secret (i.e., lie). Get married, embrace it, own it. Celebrate with your loved ones when it's safe to do so.

I think it's ok to have a ceremony just you two but i don't see why keep it a secret.

1) we are getting married on our original date as we have plans for our future and COVID can’t control our lives forever.

2) It’s not selfish if you are truly getting married because you simply can’t wait and don’t want to anyone to “find out” until the actual wedding. Not to be keeping a secret just to blow smoke. But if they find out don’t lie. “Yes we got married because we couldn’t wait but we are anxiously waiting to celebrate with you all! Oh and please respect our wishes and don’t tell anyone else.”

Keep it moving. Your marriage and your business.

That's the farthest from being selfish that a person could possibly be. What is selfish is having a bunch of people together for your wedding spreading the virus. Your decision is not selfish in the least. 100% opposite! You should be proud of yourself and your strength to do what's best for everyone. Having your own little thing is a cute idea. If you want to keep that secret to yourself, I think that's okay. If you want to share that you did do that, that's okay too.

I don't think it is selfish. Everyone has their own way with coping with the situation and you are within your rights to decide how and when you want to share the news with others. We are planning on having a very small civil ceremony (just us and 2 witnesses, which are required in our state). Initially, I didn't want to tell anyone beside our immediate family just because it felt overwhelming. Now my thought is we will hold off telling others until after the fact in part because we still don't know if and when our civil ceremony will be able to take place given our personal logistics.

I think you should do whatever is best for you.

I get what you’re saying, I don’t think it’s selfish to want to join your union with just the two of you and have a big ceremony later, but I don’t think it should have to be kept secret. Your wedding is your own personal day for the two of you and you can do it forever you’d like. I just don’t think it should have to stay secret, even if people are upset, it’s you alls day and you can share it as a large celebration whenever you want 🙂