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Dedicated July 2020

Postponed Wedding -bridesmaid Issue

Jakia, on May 18, 2020 at 8:49 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 10

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Hello All:

Our original wedding date was scheduled for July 25, 2020, but due to the COVID-19 Pandemic we decided to postpone our wedding date. We just made the announcement to all of our guests. The bridesmaids dresses were already ordered before this pandemic began but hasn’t come back yet. To add more stress to me about postponing the wedding one of my bridesmaids (who is my cousin) had the nerve to send me a message asking if they will get refunds for their dresses. The dress policy clearly stated no refunds or cancellations when they placed their orders. NONE of my other ladies asked about a refund except for her. I am so furious with her. I cannot believe she had the nerve to ask me that as if I’m not already stressed enough with postponing the wedding! I sent her a message explaining the dress policy and told her everyone is still responsible for paying for their dress then they come back in and to hold on to the dress until we pick a new date. To make matters worse, I find out from my MOH that my cousin the same bridesmaid that I’m talking about was against all of the ideas for the bachelorette weekend and didn’t want to participate. Honestly, I didn’t want to put my cousin in the wedding from the beginning but I went along with it b/c I was the MOH in her wedding. I’m more furious at the fact I went all out for her wedding with paying for everything and doing all of the responsibilities that MOH would do for her wedding yet she doesn’t return the same favor for me.
At this point I want to take her out of the wedding. FH thinks it might cause some tension between us if I do. How should I go about handling this situation? I’m thinking about sending an email to all of my bridesmaids reiterating the dress policy but also giving them the opportunity to drop out if they need to and I will replace them with another person. Do you think this is a good idea? What would you do in this situation especially if you have a bridesmaid acting like this?

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10 Comments

Latest activity by Jakia, on May 18, 2020 at 1:13 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on May 18, 2020 at 8:57 AM
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No, I don't think it's a good idea. Perhaps the BM was under the impression that you were canceling instead of postponing, in which you would be responsible for refunding your bridal party the money for their attire. It's also not a big deal at all that she didn't want to participate in the bachelorette party, it shouldn't be a requirement. Kicking her out of your bridal party will definitely damage, if not end, your relationship. Replacing her with someone else will worsen the blow and is also super rude to the person who you ask to be your runner up bridesmaid.
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Dedicated July 2020
Jakia · on May 18, 2020 at 9:14 AM
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Thanks Caytlyn for helping me to calm down. I see your point. You and FH both have a valid point. I will just let things be and if she or anyone decide they do not want to be in the wedding anymore b/c we postponed then I will let them make that decision and will refund them their money.
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on May 18, 2020 at 9:33 AM
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I agree with everything Caytlyn said. I also wanted to add a different perspective. I am supposed to be a bridesmaid for my sister in law's wedding, which was postponed until next year. I had actually recieved my dress right after they postponed. I didn't go through the bride, but I was also hoping for a refund for my dress. I have every intention of still being in the wedding, but I would have rather had the money now and just re-order the dress next year, especially because it also gives me more time to lose weight, than now having a dress taking up space in my limited closet which may or may not fit in a year. Sure, should your cousin have probably contacted the dress manufacturer or store where you purchased the gowns? Yeah, it may have been a better idea. But maybe she thought, since you looked into other things, maybe you had looked into that as well.
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Dedicated July 2020
Jakia · on May 18, 2020 at 9:52 AM
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Hi Hannah, I haven’t spoken to the bridal store since the pandemic began (they’ve been closed). So the information that I have is the information from the very beginning when the dresses were ordered months ago. I will give them a call this week if they are open now to inquire about any refunds or cancellations due to COVID. Thanks!
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Master July 2019
Hannah · on May 18, 2020 at 10:01 AM
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No problem! I just wanted to give you a different perspective coming from the bridesmaid side!
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Dedicated July 2020
Jakia · on May 18, 2020 at 10:29 AM
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I do appreciate it. 😉
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Super December 2020
Anais · on May 18, 2020 at 11:05 AM
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I understand why you’d feel annoyed at this request, it is so tough having to deal with postponing! I do agree with PPs, it’s not a great idea to remove her from your wedding because it will definitely affect your relationship with her.
Honestly, the pandemic has been hard for so many people she might be worried financially and thinking that she could get some money back during tough times. I agree you should try to call the bridal shop, their return policy might have changed since you bought the dresses.
I’m sorry you had to postpone and I’m sorry you have to deal with more issues. Good luck!
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on May 18, 2020 at 11:43 AM
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I made clear to my bridesmaids that if we decided to postpone, it would be a true postponement and they would be wearing the dress eventually. I did not want them to pay $100+ for a dress they would never wear so as my girls have started to buy their dresses (I gave them until the end of this month) I made sure they knew that would be the case. Did you make that clear to your cousin? Are they actually going to need the dresses?
As far as the bachelorette, we need more information...when is it? Did she not want to participate in a bachelorette happening in the middle of coronavirus? Because that seems reasonable. If she was just "meh" in general, that is different.
I will say that just because you went took it upon yourself to do and pay for all of these things for her, unless she specifically asked you to, does not mean she has to do the same in return. This is especially true because you were MOH for her but you have a different MOH. Maybe she's not expecting to do the MOH-level duties that you did because she isn't your MOH?
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Dedicated July 2020
Jakia · on May 18, 2020 at 1:10 PM
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Hi Tiger Bride,
Yes - I did communicate this to my bridesmaids prior to them ordering their dresses. Their dresses were ordered months ago way before COVID-19 started. Each one of them understood they would be responsible for paying the remaining balance on their dress when it is returned. At that time no one knew this nation would be hit with a pandemic. Yes, each bridesmaid is required to have their dress in order to be in the wedding. The bachelorette and bridal shower have all been postponed due to COVID. I was informed she was being "meh' in general when the plans for both of these events were laid out months ago. Again all of this was Pre-COVID. I would think people would be considerate and understanding to just hold on to their dresses until we are able to solidify a new date.
To answer your question about my cousin, when I was her MOH the rest of her bridal party was not supportive of her at all during her wedding planning. So my cousin came to me in tears asking if I would take care of everything and pay for it to still make sure she was able to enjoy having a bridal shower and bachelorette party. Without question or hesitation I felt bad for her so yes I did what she asked of me to do. You do have a point about she's not expecting to do the MOH-level duties for me and honestly that's not what I am asking of her to do. I would just appreciate the level of support that I offered during her wedding. Not one time has she called me to offer support or lift my spirits about postponing this wedding. Yet my other BM's have all reached out to me with support. Do you understand my frustration now?
I'm not going to let it stress me. As I mentioned to a PP if anyone decides they need to back down from being a BM then I will let them do so on their own.
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Dedicated July 2020
Jakia · on May 18, 2020 at 1:13 PM
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Hi Anais, yes I am very annoyed by this request from her. Ever since this pandemic began things have been so stressful to the point I just want to cancel everything!! I will take each of your advice and not remove her. However, I will give each of them the option that if they need to step down from being a BM they are free to do so and FH and I can make adjustments with our numbers in the wedding party. Once I hear back from the bridal store then I will have a better idea how to move forward.
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