Possibly No Matron of Honor

I would say prepare now. I hate to say it but marriage and relationships sometimes affects people's involvement in wedding parties. I would try to have her there but yeah maybe mentall prepare for her to not be involved or apart of the party. Sucks that her low self esteem has put her in a rough situation and I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Plan with the assumption she won't be able to attend.
My heart breaks reading that. It's unfortunate that she feels she has to stay with him when no one deserves that kind of life.

I would plan for her not to be there, that way it’s a pleasant surprise if she is. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

Have a conversation with your sister. WE (women) know when that window to get pregnant is ... advise her to avoid that window. I know it sounds selfish but see what your sister says. He can’t force a pregnancy. Sister can determine when it happens tho... I’m just saying.


This is a tough-y! This really makes me sad. I would still title her as the Matron. But dont stress about it because you guys have talked, I know it might but upsetting but she chose that life. Try to find a work around. Title her and had a Maid of Honor if you would like.
It’s going to be difficult to go up again her husband.

Yea I would mentally prepare yourself in case she can’t be there

My advice would be to monitor your sister for signs of defense wounds. Trying to isolate a person from her family is a strong indicator of abuse. I had an ex who basically tricked me into eloping and not telling my family. Shortly after, he became extremely abusive, ending in a brutal beating that left me with three skull fractures. His brother had also tricked his wife into eloping, and she later said that he was extremely abusive as well. It sounds like having a baby is another way for this man to control your sister. Not saying this is what's happening, but I sure wish this would have been on my radar when it happened to me. If she stays with him, I would be prepared for her not to attend your wedding and to have less and less interaction with you as time goes on.

I’m sorry, but I agree with PPs that it sounds like you should probably plan for her not to be there. My mom is like this, she didn’t have her own phone for a couple years so she could only talk to me when he allowed it and our family wasn’t allowed to see her at all because he said we were a bad influence and too nosey. He’s loosened the reins over the past few years, but it really damaged our relationship for a while, and my mom raised me by herself so we were super close. My aunt, cousins, and I just try to have whatever relationship with her that he allows and make sure she knows she has a support system if she needs it. It’s really hard to watch the people we love end up in situations like this.

View Quoted Comment Yes, thank you. Please please please read and re-read this. This is not normal behavior.

View Quoted Comment Not all physical abuse is visible though. Some people are crafty enough that they aim for parts of the body no one will see.


Agree with PP this is *not* normal. She can escape the environment but it has to be well planned out (when he's not home, etc) and her placed in a safe environment he can't get to.

View Quoted Comment As a survivor, I am very well aware of this. I was giving the OP one suggestion. Please don't quote my story, which is never easy to share, to point out that my suggestion isn't fool proof.

I would go to the brother in law and tell him you NEED your sister with you on your day, he had his wedding his way and you want your wedding your way with your sister.... and he can come too ... no reason why he cant come too...

Your sister is in an abusive relationship. There’s no ignoring that fact or dancing around it. Being controlling, keeping her from family, saying what she can and cannot handle, etc, are all major red flags. I would plan on her not being there simply due to him continuing to try to isolate her. She truly needs to leave him, but it doesn’t sound like that’ll be happening anytime soon, unfortunately.

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THIS FIRST PART.

A child with this man sounds like a terrible idea.

Please, also, research how to support a person trying to escape abusive relationships. (Support them, emotionally, but don't attack the abuser, for instance.)

I would prepare for her to not be there, but I'd also be prepared to help her get out of a terrible situation, and possibly need security to keep the husband away.

I'm so sorry.

View Quoted Comment Makes sense. I tried to avoid that part on the post out of respect. But I’m sure you know what’s best. Congratulations

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He is invited. If she is pregnant or has a baby, neither of them would choose to attend.

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I had the exact same thought. Controlling men often turn into abusers. Hell, controlling behavior IS abuse in its own way. Abusers often isolate their partners so that they have no where to turn and no where to run and feel they must stay with their partners just to survive. Adding baby to the mix is just another way to control.

@Kristen...I would have another talk with your sister and point these things out to her, but be prepared for her to be defensive and to make excuses for her husband. But at the very least, you've let it be known to her that you see what's going on and let her know that she will always have you and you will always have her back if she needs help. As far as your wedding is concerned, I agree with those who say prepare for her not to be involved and leave space for her TO be involved. It's really all you can do.

Reading this post made me have that nervous pit-in-my-stomach feeling. I'm not in the situation, so I don't know for sure, but your sister appears to be in an abusive and controlling relationship. The wedding is a side-issue here: please don't let him isolate her from you. Please talk to her gently about counseling, either individual or couples. Please talk to her about purposely avoiding pregnancy until he is able to be less controlling and wants to make healthy joint decisions with her instead. Maybe prepare for your conversation with her by reaching out to someone who has experience in relationship counseling or domestic conflict resolution so that you don't inadvertently say the wrong thing.

I'll be praying for her.