Skip to main content
ARE YOU A VENDOR?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Courtney
Savvy June 2020

Police academy rant

Courtney , on June 27, 2018 at 7:45 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 18
Saved
Reply
I’ve been feeling a little stressed lately and just need to get a few things off my chest! So my FH lives an hour away from me working on a fire department that he absolutely loves. However he just got accepted to go into the Michigan state police academy. He is over the moon excited as it’s something he has always dreamed about. I am so happy for him but also feel really guilty because I don’t want him to go. We live in the U.P. And he would have to go down stare (8 hours away) for 6 months for the academy. He leaves September and graduates in March. He then has to do three months of ride alongs down there before he gets stationed to his post. We are supposed to get married in June and he won’t even be home for it... So now I’m freaking out because he won’t be here for any of the planning and I’m seriously thinking of postponing the wedding because this is so stressful, but then I think we can make it through it. Ugh we just don’t know what to do and it is stressing me out so much

18 Comments

Latest activity by Sara, on July 19, 2018 at 11:14 AM
  • Kaye
    VIP October 2018
    Kaye ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Weddings are stressful. Life is stressful, Deep breaths! You can do this

    • Reply
  • Miranda
    Devoted October 2018
    Miranda ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You have plenty of time to decide and/or plan! Slow down and discuss with FH if y’all want to get married in the midst of a long distance relationship or wait until the next chapter. Since you have so much time you’ll be able to get everything planned without him, just enlist friends and family. If it’s important to you to be married sooner instead of postponing y’all could consider having a courthouse ceremony and then have an actual wedding/party when life slows down a bit. If it were me I’d forge on with your original plan.
    • Reply
  • ThePeoplesBride
    VIP October 2020
    ThePeoplesBride ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    I agree with the PP, talk it out with your FH. Find out if he feels the same way. If not, why.

    Communication is key. Especially in stressful times like this.
    • Reply
  • Kaye
    VIP October 2018
    Kaye ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    My coworker went through something like this. She did a wedding package through a bed and breakfast. They had a very small wedding with about 20 people. She basically wrote the check to the bed and breakfast and they took care of the food (tea sandwiches, etc) and cake. She was just really laid back about it. She didn't even know the flavor of the cake before they cut it. She loved her wedding. No stress.

    • Reply
  • WED18
    July 1993
    WED18 ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    Hugs. Breathe. Let it all set in first before making any big decisions. Congrats to your FH for getting into the academy!

    • Reply
  • Cheryl&rock
    VIP June 2019
    Cheryl&rock ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    Discuss it with FH.. Open line of communication is key, especially with the time apart! ❤️ ❤️
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Savvy June 2020
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Well what’s stressing me out even more is we have almost every vendor booked for our wedding next year. So we could be out thousands of dollars if we choose to not do it. All of his was planned before he got accepted into the academy. The academy was something we weren’t expecting so we didn’t plan around it
    • Reply
  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    You will be fine. Do not hold him back from following his dreams because this is a great opportunity for him. You will obviously miss him but this doesn’t mean that he can’t be included in the planning process. I’m sure you’ll be able to make occasional trips to see him and can communicate on the phone or via Skype. I wouldn’t postpone the wedding.
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert June 2019
    Afterallthistime...Always ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Check your contracts. All of my vendors (including venue), allow me to change the date as long as they have the other date available, at no extra charge as long as it’s far enough out. If you postpone the wedding, you might not lose any money. Talk to your vendors and explain the situation.
    • Reply
  • Miranda
    Devoted October 2018
    Miranda ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    Oh yes that changes things. But the good news is, if your vendors are booked then all the big planning you need FH for is already done! Life is crazy, but together y’all will get through it. And the distance will really make you appreciate the good moments that much more. It sucks to be apart but you guys will be so much more grateful and cognizant of the importance of the day. Also if you really want to postpone, since it’s so far out, if you explain the situation your vendors may be more forgiving and helpful than you think.
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Expert October 2018
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    If you have the majority of your vendors booked, what is it you need his help with? Will he not have any time off?
    • Reply
  • futurmrslowe
    Super December 2018
    futurmrslowe ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    My FH graduated from the Academy in May and is now in his 4th week of FTO / Ride alongs. (Our wedding is in December, if all goes well he'll be done with training). So, I understand EXACTLY how you feel! It sounds like he has a residential academy? Luckily, my FH didn't have to live-in.

    Generally, employers will work with you to make sure you can attend your own wedding. He'll have to be assertive about putting the information out there, and he may not get like 5 days off. It might be just 1 1/2. Also, you may have to postpone a honeymoon slightly (we are going to go in January....whenever he confirms his days off, I will book it Smiley atonished ....)

    FH have approached is as he is getting ready / prepared to be a provider and take care of his family. In the end, I think the year will fly by and you'll just have to take some road trips to visit on the weekends!

    And they sure look cute in those uniforms when they're all done!

    • Reply
  • Annie
    VIP October 2018
    Annie ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    You can totally plan it on your own without him there! My FH deployed 3 weeks after we got engaged and I literally did 90% of the planning by the time he got home last month. I still ran things by him when he was gone, and I kept him in the loop with a google sheet doc of all our numbers. It's totally possible to do or ask your mom to be involved and go to different meetings with you. Good luck to your FH.

    • Reply
  • Mrs. Cohen
    Super October 2018
    Mrs. Cohen ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    If your FH won't be back home for your actual wedding and will have to travel to be there, then 100% postpone it (if you are still able to).

    I think it would be way less stressful and more enjoyable for you if he played a bigger part in the planning process, after all, it is his wedding too. And if you're feeling embarrassed or ashamed for postponing your wedding (not saying that you are, but I know some people do feel that way), don't; moving your wedding date, especially to accommodate your FH's career path is not a bad thing at all Smiley smile

    • Reply
  • Daria
    VIP January 2019
    Daria ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    If you've already booked all your vendors, just keep the date. Hopefully you have someone who can go to tastings and stuff with you, maybe your mom? If you try to reschedule you will likely lose a lot of money and it will be just as stressful. Keep him in the loop via Skype or Facetime.

    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Savvy June 2020
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    I could never hold him back, I am so excited for him and it makes my heart happy seeing how excited he is and how passionate he is. He gets his phone one hour at night and gets out every Friday at midnight and has to be back at “base” Sunday by mid afternoon. So it’ll be hard to keep him in the loop. I’m super worried about getting him his suit and everything ready for his side because he will be so busy. He doesn’t even have any idea on who he wants standing up yet. I guess I’m just worried that he will be so preoccupied, wedding stuff will be the last thing he wants to talk about
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Savvy June 2020
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content
    View Quoted Comment
    He does not have any ignorant husband guys picked out and we have to get his suit. He will be able to leave Friday at midnight and has to be back Sunday mid afternoon. So it will get a little difficult planning all of that when he is gone and won’t be back home until the month of the wedding
    • Reply
  • Sara
    Super July 2019
    Sara ·
    • Flag
    • Hide content

    My FH went to the PA State Police Academy for 9 months and it was awful. If you feel like it will be too stressful, then do what you feel is right.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×
WeddingWire celebrates love ...and so does everyone on our site! Explore how we embrace diversity

Groups

Show more

WeddingWire article topics