Plus Ones/significant Others: what is your criteria for inviting?

We are looking at each on an individual basis. I have a cousin coming that we haven’t met her boyfriend of almost a year, but that’s because they live in England, so he is invited with her. However, there is a family friend that isn’t getting a plus one for his on/off girlfriend because we don’t want the drama associated with it. I don’t think there has to be a set rule.

There's not a rule for this. You should do what works for you - your budget, relationships, restrictions etc.

Like Kristin said, we are looking at each individaully. Generally, if they are in a relationship, the couple is invited. There is one, maybe two, who have on/off girlfriends, sometimes its the same girl, other times it's not, so they aren't getting a plus one. Not worth the drama. Single people aren't getting a plus one.

We are inviting ALL members of couples, regardless of how long they’ve been together. FH and I both feel that it is not for us to determine how “serious” a couple is by any form of measure, including how long they’ve been dating. As far as plus ones, we will be giving all single guests a plus one if they want to bring someone. Guest experience is a top priority for FH and I, so we want to do all we can to ensure guests feel welcomed, comfortable and able to have a great time.

We invited everyone’s SO, no exceptions.

I consider people with a SO, married, dating, serious relationship, engaged...to be a package deal and aren't part of plus one group! The only exceptions I see to this would be if the SO was toxic or had a terrible personality and behaved awfully. We have one person on our list that has been in a relationship for a few years, but we've never met her bf, nor have we spoken to him. We also haven't spoken to her in years but since her parents and sister are invited, my mom wanted her to be included as well. I know a lot of people on here won't like that decision, but judging by what her sister and parent's say about him, I wouldn't want him at my wedding anyways.

We have a few guests on our list that aren't getting a plus one because they've never been in a relationship OR jump from one relationship to the next, and we don't feel comfortable letting them invite a random person lol.

To address the 'single people can't enjoy themselves without a plus one' theory: I don't believe that's true, unless that person will know little to no one at the event. Example: We invited 2 of my parent's older friends out of respect. They get a plus one because they truly will know only myself, fiancé, and my mom. So to make it less awkward and lonely for them, we gave them a plus one.

Ultimately, FH and I looked at it person by person, to determine how we would handle it.

Everyone with a SO is getting a plus one. However, my brother and my cousin aren't seriously dating anyone but I will still give them a plus one if they want to invite someone.

Maybe what i did isn't good for etiquette i don't know but i def looked at it individual basis

wedding party got plus ones/their significant other invited. if you were married and engaged i definitely invited the significant other.

as for every other guest, i let the ones that didn't know anyone else to have a plus one [because they didn't know anyone else and are not sociable enough to be ok with that]

there were some in relationships that i just didn't have room for anymore to also invite their significant other and i know that's frowned upon but when it came down to comfort level, if i felt they weren't sociable enough then those were the ones i invited their boyfriend too. but for instance i had female friends who were invited with groups of other friends but i would have individual friends who didn't really know anyone else there so i invited their boyfriend too. i know that seems kinda bad to invite some and not others but they were ok with it cause they knew other people.

We’re allowing plus ones for people who aren’t in a relationship - some of them are but we haven’t met yet, that sort of thing.
And of course inviting any people together that we know of as couples.
We’re probably outliers, it’s just that we have a few different “circles” of family/friends/colleagues/co workers that I don’t want anyone to feel stranded.

We are doing it case by case. For our friends, if we know the SO, and we know it is serious we are inviting them. My FH has a HUGE family, and a ton of 1st cousins, all of whom are invited, but only the married/engaged/living together ones are bringing SOs (which is like, 5 of them!), because we cant invite john's girlfriend without inviting Sally's boyfriend, etc etc... and that's just too many extra people we don't know. Plus they are all cousins and don't need a date to enjoy the night.

Everyone we know that's in a relationship will be invited as their pair, no matter how long they've been dating. Even if they announce their relationship right before we send out invites.

If we find out someone has officially entered a relationship after their invite has been sent out (they're titled as SO/BF/GF and not still just seeing each other) we'll extend our invitation to them as well if we have the space.

The only people who won't get a true plus one are coworkers and family members. If there's a friend invited that doesn't really know anyone else they'll get a plus one because they deserve to have someone they can talk to if they're not comfortable interacting with the people who are strangers to them.

View Quoted Comment I was at a wedding a few years ago with my FH and this one guest kinda glommed on to us. She asked how we knew the bride and groom and my FH said he knew the groom (for about 20 years) but I hadn’t met them yet. She was SO MAD that in her eyes my FH got a plus one and she didn’t. However, as the reception went on, I saw the reason - most of the guests were from the bride’s side. There was a rather large age gap and it was clear that her age group made up the majority of guests. The groom didn’t have a whole lot of guests so he had more leeway to include plus ones.
The complaining guest didn’t quite understand that if all the bride’s college friends not in a relationship were going to get plus ones, a bunch of them would have not been invited.
Situations really vary and it’s pretty stressful to figure it out, that’s for sure!

We are trying to keep things as small as possible and only inviting people we are very close friends with to start (almost at 70 people but that will drop some with RSVPs). Most all of them are living with their SO or already married if they are in a serious relationship (not that this is a requirement for commitment, just the stage of life most of us are in). Consequently, we are also friends with their SO's and it makes the decision on who to invite or not invite very easy.



Only inviting 3 people that neither my FH or I have met before: wife of my FH's family friend, GF of my high school friend (she moved to a different state to follow this girl. I call that serious, don't you?), and GF of my FH's college friend (relationship is new but serious. If they break up, he isn't the kind of person to bring a rando, only a new SO).

If someone was exclusively dating one person when we sent out our invitations, then that person was named on the invitation. If we didn't know their name, we reached out to the family member/friend to find out. Across the board, that was our policy. If someone became exclusive after invites were sent out, they were not offered an extra seat as our numbers were already more than we originally anticipated. That was all mute since COVID changed our plans, but we wanted anyone in a relationship to feel included in celebrating ours.

I am not extending +1 to single guests.

Anyone who is married, engaged, or dating (regardless of duration) when invites go out will be invited as a package deal. About 90% of our guests are married, making this mostly very simple.

Any single guests will not be given +1s. This is really because our (currently) single guests, I question who they would bring. I do not want my best friend who picks wedding dates like handbags to bring some dude she found on Tinder the Wednesday before (which I know she has done for several weddings). I do not want my other best friend to think that +1 means he can bring one of his regular friends, all of whom I despise. I do not want one of our newly-divorced friends to bring his son who I don't know, or our other newly-divorced friend to bring some bar floozy, and I don't want my SIL to bring whatever drug dealer she's buying from that week. I'm not worried they won't have anyone to hang out with. SIL will have her family there, and all of our friends know each other well. I could literally seat any of our guests next to any other guest without issue, that's how familiar this friend circle is.

Additionally, this is a very intimate event - being a vow renewal, I really only want the people who are nearest and dearest to us, so I'm being a lot more selective about who I allow.

Two things to consider is your budget and their relationship with their plus one. If it fits within your budget then by all means go ahead. However, if it does fit within your budget, but you are on the fence of that guest having a plus one because it could cause drama or negativity on your special day then you would have to really consider that.

We're giving pretty much everyone invited a plus one, as most of our guests are in a relationship/married/engaged. There are only a few exceptions to this rule. We are aware some people may not bring their plus one's, his aunt who's husband has passed away several years ago, one of his groomsmen who is not currently in a relationship and doesn't play the field, and I'm iffy on another one of his groomsmen's fiance actually showing up because she despises me and I her (but she is invited as my hate for her is petty high school shizz and I respect her fiance)

1. My brother, as of right now, he gets a plus one, since he is in a relationship at the moment (I have well over a year before I have to send STD's) and my brothers relationships don't always stick and when he's not in one he's constantly going on Tinder Dates and I don't want some random girl from Tinder at my wedding. If my brother is not in a relationship by the time STD's go out we will invite his best friend, who was like a brother to me growing up. This is due to my brother not being as close to my extended family for some choices he made when he was younger that they still hold over him, I want my brother to be comfortable and have fun at my wedding, so I will do what I need to, to achieve that without having some random chick at my wedding.

2. FH's cousin is engaged to a man that neither he or I can stand. We know some gruesome details about their relationship, and how he treats her and do not agree with her being with him. (we're still iffy if we will attend their wedding which we're not confident will happen.) She broke up with him about a year and a half ago where I had to be with her while she moved out of their apartment for her protection. When they got back together, she talked to me about it and I informed her that if FH and I were to get married (we were not engaged at the time) her SO would NOT be invited to the wedding, and if she was ok being in a relationship with someone who was not welcomed by her family that was on her. If she chooses not to show up because of this then that's on her and we know where we stand. His parents are pushing us to invite him but we are firm in our decision.

We invited everyone’s SO and gave a plus one to all single guests over 21. We had no guests between 18 and 21, so the only ones who didn’t get a plus one were a few cousins under 18 and the kids of the people in our wedding party (all under 10).

Everyone dating someone at the time of invites got their SO included by name. Cousins and bridal party got a plus 1 if they were single. One friend mentioned a boyfriend after invites went out and we accommodated because we felt it was the right thing to do and our bad for not knowing about the partner. All other singles were invited as singles.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree! It’s weird to judge someone’s relationship from the outside. We are doing the same thing basically. I personally wouldn’t want to show up to a wedding alone or not allowed to bring a new SO if we had only started dating.