Plus Ones

I think you're right. Plus ones are usually for single people who are not going to know anyone else there so it's a courtesy. I think if they are your family and other family is coming, they don't need a plus one. I think this may make them upset though and you have to be prepared for that, especially with teenagers wanting their boyfriends to come. But I think you should stick to your guns on this one

I think you’re totally right! Plus ones are for serious relationships. We decided we were only giving plus ones to people who lived together, or have been together for at least a year. You’re totally in the right to not invite their boyfriends especially when they’re going to know so many people there.

View Quoted Comment I agree with half of your statement. People in relationships (even if they don't fit your serious relationship criteria) should be invited as a pair. And therefore aren't really plus ones. But why should people celebrate your relationship if you don't acknowledge theirs because maybe they'd only been dating for 6 months?
I do believe OP is perfectly in the right to say no to the teenage romances though.


Thats what we did, gave plus ones to single guests over 18 especially because everybody was traveling for the wedding.Under 18, they were coming with family and so they knew people.

If they're under 18 you don't need to invite their SO. If they're adults (18 or over), you should invite them with their SO, just like you should invite all other adults with their SO.

I agree. If you had the space and budget, I would say it’s kind of you to invite them. But since you don’t, I really don’t think you have to. Teenagers will either have to come with their parents or not, but that’s for the parents to decide. Even if someone doesn’t want to come because their boyfriend isn’t invited, who’s to say if they’ll have the option of not attending? Plus, I would be nervous as a teenager in high school to go to an SO’s family wedding. I think you’re perfectly fine to cut these people out

I didn’t invite kids, but if I had I wouldn’t give a plus one to anyone under 18. I did give plus ones or invite the couple for all adult guests.

I agree with the PP's. 18+ invite because it can come off wrong that some can invite their SO's but some can't regardless of how long they have been together. My FH and I have been together longer then some of my friends who are now married to their spouse but that doe snot make their relationship more special than mine. It sounds like you may want to cut the guest list a bit if it is getting overwhelming in regards to numbers. Sorry to say. Something I saw when how to word invitations to not include kids was to write the person's name and then say that x# of seats have been reserved for you. So for the 18 under crowd RSVP card could read: M (insert name here) 1 seat has been reserved for you. That was it lets them know that +1's are not allowed.

Plus ones are for ADULTS. Your 14 year old cousins do not need to bring dates. But depending on your relationship with your younger cousins, they may be hurt if they are not invited.

I think it’s totally fine to exclude plus ones, it’s your wedding so invite who you want to be there! We’re in a similar boat. We’re not inviting children and people with plus ones are if they are in a serious relationship, are traveling from far away, or if they don’t know anyone at the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I agree with Vicky.

Including both parties in a couple is a rule for adults. No way do you have to include your high school age cousins bf/gf because they would be invited with their families. Other than that, it's not your place to judge the seriousness of an adult relationship - they are invited as a couple no matter what. If your 16 yo cousin doens't come bc they can't bring their SO, that's ridiculous but not your thing to worry about IMO.

Also, please do not split up families with an arbitrary 14+ rule. I hope you dont' have any families with a 15 yo and a 12 yo or something like that - it is super rude to impose age limits like that unless it is required by your venue (still weird though).

View Quoted Comment I think it depends on your crowd, all of our friends who have been with their gf/bf for less than a year don’t consider it serious and didn’t mind not bringing them. But if you think your family would be upset you’re fine to invite them. We just knew what worked for us.

Woah! High school students with significant others do not need to bring their partner to a wedding when their parents and siblings will be there.

I agree with you. If your mother has a problem with it, I would ask her where she thinks cuts should be made. It sounds like this is more of a capacity issue than trying to stick hard to the budget, so it’s not like you can create wiggle room there. I doubt the Fire Marshall is going to make an exception for your teenage cousins dates! Haha!
Someone mentioned breaking up families if the kids are on either side of the age limit. I personally would be fine with that, but if it’s going to cause you issues, I would bump the age limit to 18 and call it a day. That would also help get your list down to where it needs to be.

I agree that teens don't need a plus one, and people who have been dating a short time don't need a plus one.


However, if you're already 50 people over capacity, I'm sorry but you need a new venue. Even if some people don't come, you probably still won't be able to fit everyone. You should have included serious plus ones in your original guest count BEFORE choosing a venue that doesn't fit everyone.

I think you need a firm plus one policy and you need to stick to it. Come up with one and make clear who counts as a plus one and who doesn’t. Don’t make exceptions for people. If anyone questions it, be honest and say that your venue has a limit and you had to cut somewhere. This is your wedding and you should have people you want there, not people you feel obligated to invite to make your teenage cousins happy. It’s not their day, it’s yours.

I'd say plus ones are just for non-family singles who know no-one or only one other person there (besides you and FH). Adult couples in a relationship for more than a year should have both names on the invite. Underage couples don't count, in my opinion.

I think I have a similar situation: my FH's mom wants to invite a family friends that FH grew up with. I've met the parents and daughter multiple times and I like them. I've met their son (who is away in college) twice. We've agreed to invite the family but MIL wants to extend an invite to the son's girlfriend (whom we have not met-FH did not even remember her name). Because of our guest list size, FH and I were comfortable deciding that we weren't doing that but the son (who will know a fair amount of people) would be invited as part of his family.

If your cousin has a high school boyfriend, I think it's weird that the boyfriend's family is fine letting him travel to another cousin's wedding. Like, hotel room wise, how does that even work out? Save everyone the awkwardness and just be firm about 'family only.' Your mother shouldn't be that invested in someone's high school relationship anyway.

I 100% agree with you. I have several cousins who are in the same age bracket. I am only inviting plus ones for my cousins who live together or have been dating over 1 year. I have one cousin who is 18 and has a boyfriend who is on and off and she will be invited but her boyfriend (if he is around at that point) will not. If family and all the other cousins her age is not enough to keep her happy, she doesn't need to come (in my opinion). However, I think she will come anyway & enjoy the time.

When I was in high school, I was just happy to be invited to my family's weddings! I don't believe you need to indulge a sense of entitlement in people this age. They have no concept of the cost of a wedding, and they surely will not be covering their plates. I say, don't feel obligated to invite. The max guest count should be enough to satisfy your mom as a reason.