Plus ones for everyone?

Our guest list exploded due to plus-one drama. So we cut down the guest list to only people who we loved so much that we didn't care paying $150 for them to bring some random hookup to our wedding if that's what they wanted. That turned out only to be our immediate family and best friends, and all of them actually have regular significant others that we know and love so it worked out.

Before that, it was like 75 people turned into 150, with at least about a third who we've never met and we just didn't want to spend our wedding day with 2 minutes face time with everyone and meeting 50 strangers. Now it's like 12 people who we've known for years if not a lifetime, and whom we anticipate will be in our lives for a long time to come. We'll be spending 6 hours of quality time with them. We're really excited about it.

Everyone's going to have a different opinion on this. We aren't doing plus ones. I'm with you there. I really don't want random people at my wedding. Fortunately everyone in my WP is in a relationship or married, but if they were all single I probably would have let them bring someone since they each spent a considerable amount of time and money to be a part of my wedding. All the singles at our wedding will know each other so they probably would turn down a plus one if offered. Every relationship is getting invited, relationships/marriages are not considered "plus ones" . I would probably feel insulted if I got a wedding invitation from someone that said Mr. (FH's name) +1

Hi Hailey! How did you address your invitations to these guests? Did you give them the option of a plus one or guest? If you clearly addressed your invitations directly to who was invited (example: "Mrs. Jane Doe" vs. "The Doe Family"), then you can absolutely reach out to the guests who RSVPed or have asked you directly for additional guests and kindly but firmly tell them that you will not be able to accommodate additional guests. That is totally fair!

When looking at our guest list before sending wedding invitations, we decided not to offer plus ones. We invited everyone's significant other (regardless of length of relationship) by name, and didn't have any single guests who didn't know any other guests. If you do have room in your budget and in your venue to host a few extra guests, I think that offering a plus one to a guest who doesn't know anyone else is a very kind thing to do!

Yes that's exactly what I was thinking, and my fiancé and I are really wanting to limit the amount of people either of us know especially if those people know so much of the other guests! Its just a sticky situation and I don't wanna be rude and make it sound like I don't want them to come either

We added plus ones to people we knew were married or are dating someone as well as friends we know won't know very many people there! I have had some friends apparently searching around for a date and asking people without really asking if we are accommodating another guest for them so it is tricky! Idk what to do, I may just tell them we are trying to limit the guest count but of course want them there!

What we did/are doing:

If you are together when we sent the save the dates (6 months before the wedding) and are still together when we send the invitations you're both invited

If the only person you'll know is the bride or groom you get a plus one

@Hailey, it absolutely is a sticky situation. Many people think of weddings as very romantic event which one must bring a date, while understandably, many bride and grooms really only care about celebrating with the people in their lives they know and love. Add budget concerns on top of that and the perception of "judgment" about people's relationships, and it's a giant emotional nightmare.

We literally cut it down to people we couldn't imagine getting married without. Otherwise, once you started inviting in circles with extended family, we simply couldn't avoid the whole paying for the "cousin we've seen twice in the past 5 years and his date" instead of "college friend couple who we both know and keep in touch with" situation.

@Hailey, also to clarify for you, as used here, "plus ones" are 1 extra invite to single people, not a guest's SO, regardless of the length or seriousness of the relationship.

Significant other/SO: anyone in a relationship. Bf, gf, living together or not, engaged, married.

Plus ones: for truly single guests.

I did not give a plus one to all my guests. I gave it to those who are traveling from out of state, those who won't know anyone else at the wedding and a guy who just broke up with his fiancee (I felt bad for him, but he declined the plus one). The rest of the single guests know plenty of other people at the wedding, and I'll be seating them accordingly.

Have y'all encountered a situation where you didn't offer a plus one but the person/people just text you and tell you who they are bringing? I feel like that's the major problem I'm facing and idk what to really say!

@Hailey - no, I personally haven't. If that were to happen to me, I'd probably ask who was the person they were bringing. If it's someone they are in a relationship with, I'd apologize for the oversight and add them to the list. If it's someone that's adding a plus one simply because they don't feel like driving by themselves, well then too bad.

Also, the best advice I can give you and FI is that if there's one person close to you (usually a family member - moms and MILs are notorious) who is pressuring for a larger guest list, set a budget, pick a venue with the number of people you actually want to invite, and let them deal with how to work it out. They give up pretty quickly.

We had some pressure to invite distant family and some of our parents' friends, so we picked a venue with a small limit and a budget of $12,000 and told the family members who kept thinking about expanding our guest list to decide who they wanted to invite and how to make it work. They immediately got bogged down with 1 and invite-in-circles drama, and so pretty quickly gave up.

This only works however if you are paying for your own wedding. We adamantly paid for our own in order to keep this control in our hands (I know, that's a terrible way to put it, but after reading about the drama that is involved with people chipping in and then dictating the wedding, we decided it wasn't worth it).

For me, I gave plus ones to obviously immediate family, people in the wedding party and for people I know for a fact wouldn't know anyone else at the wedding.

I pretty much did plus ones for all my single guests. I know if I was single, I would want to bring someone in case I didn't know hardly anybody else at the wedding. The only person I didn't give a plus one to was my uncle, who is single and has early onset Alzheimer's (I truly hope that doesn't sound harsh, its just VERY unlikely he will have anyone else with him).

Oh yea - plus ones for those in the wedding party b/c they are your VIPs. Sorry, forgot to mention that.

A missive from the land of 200.00 plates.

Anyone married, in a long term relationship, engaged gets a partner. If you don't know them well enough to even know if this is the case, they shouldn't be on the list to begin with.

Random dates? No. If your truly single guests feel uncomfortable coming, then don't come. I know that sounds harsh but I also would not want a room full of people I dont' know who are on date night.

Bridal party? Everyone gets a plus one.

People telling you they are bringing people? No; that does not fly. You're not the rude one here. Repeat that to yourself and then tell them no.

We are inviting guests and their SO's by name, and giving plus 1's to all guests who are not in relationships.

@Hailey

People in relationships do not get plus 1s. Their SO is listed by name on the invite. This is a matter of semantics but is important to know when discussing the topic on here to not have confusion.

@OP

I automatically counted 2 people for every invite. This will save you if anyone starts a relationship between now and the wedding. Also, I have not had to deal with any drama because of this. It also makes your guests have a more pleasant experience and is part of best hosting practice.

Looks like we're in the minority but we're totally giving everyone not in a committed relationship an "and guest" on their invite. (As pointed out before, those in relationships get their SO's name spelled out.)

Anything to make guests feel happier at the wedding. I'm guessing most won't take us up on it...or if they do, they'll bring their mom or child or whatever (i.e., not a rando off the street) and that's just fine by us.

To be honest, I don't think most people know about the plus one concept. When I helped my SIL plan her wedding 20 years ago this concept was not around. Each invite that was sent out was counted as two people unless it was more with a family. The first time I heard about it was on this site. If you are wanting only the one person to come it would be important to put it on the RSVP that only one seat is reserved in your name. Many older generation people may want to bring a guest because they do not understand this too. It is always best to spell out what your expectations are so that your count does not rise.