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Dedicated November 2019

Plus ones for 16-20 year olds

Yasmine, on May 17, 2019 at 11:28 AM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 12

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I already made a decision on this, just thought I’d like to hear what other people think!

To clarify- I am talking about a couple of boys I know who are being invited with their parents. The 20 year old has a girlfriend, as does the one who will be 17 at the wedding. Everyone keeps telling me I don’t need to give the boys plus ones because they are invited with their parents but.

When I was 19, 20, 21, I would always get invited to family weddings with just my family (despite not living with them and being in a relationship) and never got a plus one and to be honest, I enjoyed the weddings a lot less because of this.
I just decided to give both boys plus ones, as their mom said they’d probably like to bring the girlfriends.

Did anyone else deal with this?

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12 Comments

Latest activity by Heather , on May 19, 2019 at 9:29 AM

VIP October 2018
Victoria · on May 17, 2019 at 11:34 AM
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Generally anyone over 18 would get their own invitation, so for the 20 year-old I'd have invited him and his girlfriend. The 17 year-old didn't really need one, but I think it's awesome you gave him one!
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Super July 2018
Brittany · on May 17, 2019 at 11:38 AM
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I think anyone that's 18 or older that's in a serious relationship should get to bring their significant other, but younger than 18 shouldn't and 18+ and not dating anyone shouldn't have one.
For example, for my wedding I let my 19 year old cousin bring her boyfriend that she's been with for 2 years, but I didn't let that cousin's 17 year old sister bring her boyfriend.
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Champion October 2018
Kelly · on May 17, 2019 at 11:47 AM
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Anyone 18 or over wouldn’t be invited with their parents but would receive their own invitation. For someone younger than 18 that’s a judgement call on if you want to invite their significant other but it would be nice if you have the room and budget. A plus one is for someone truly single not someone in a relationship.
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Expert October 2019
Jennifer · on May 17, 2019 at 11:49 AM
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If someone is living away from home, I'm giving them a plus 1. I really don't want to invite my niece's boyfriend, and if she comes, she'll come with her parents. My thing is, it'll be the first time she's seen her aunt, my sister, in YEARS, and I really want her to focus on our family, which she won't do if the boyfriend is there. That sounds awful, and it is, but I'm making a choice. No one else we're inviting is in a similar situation of living at home and having a SO.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on May 17, 2019 at 11:50 AM
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I think under 18 no plus ones. I kind of see this as a liability to have a minor who is not associated with me in any way attend my wedding. If I was a parent, I don't think I'd be comfortable chaperoning my child's SO at a wedding.
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Master October 2020
Mandi · on May 17, 2019 at 12:08 PM
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In my family, the girlfriends usually just came along regardless of being invited specifically or not.
My region seems to be much more relaxed when it comes to wedding etiquette.
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Dedicated November 2019
Yasmine · on May 17, 2019 at 12:16 PM
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Yeah I was honestly using plus one as a blanket term while posting this. Shouldn't have done that, sorry for any confusion!
However, it feels a little silly sending the 20 year old his invite as he lives at home while in school, so they will all be getting one invite as a household.
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VIP October 2020
Kelly · on May 17, 2019 at 12:26 PM
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Nope. My sister in laws would be the only exceptions if they had a serious relationship (more than a year). I don't think any of them are dating anyone anyway!
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Devoted May 2020
Bride2020 · on May 17, 2019 at 12:31 PM
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If you have the room for it I think that's great, really nice of you to be considering them like that. Obviously if you get to a point where you have to cut down the list that's a good place to start, but if you don't have those kinds of concerns then it's really nice of you to be putting that effort in for them.
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Master July 2018
Mcskipper · on May 17, 2019 at 1:05 PM
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I’d probably treat different scenarios differently— an 18 year old cousin, for example, I’d probably include the girlfriend given the potential to be family, basically. If it was my parents’ friends and I invited their kids too, their kids I probably wouldn’t give the plus ones to— too far removed from me on a personal level. (irrelevant for me anyhow, we didn’t invite kids. The only guests in their early 20s were cousins of mine and they weren’t given a “guest” but their SOs were invited if they had them [same rule as the rest of our guests])
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Super September 2019
Jess · on May 17, 2019 at 2:48 PM
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I have a 17 year old cousin who is invited (he's the only one under 18 allowed). So because of him being the only one under 18 I am giving him a plus one for his girlfriend so he has someone to talk to. Yes his older brother and sister are also invited but they are of age to drink so I figured they would be at the bar a lot so I wanted to make sure he has someone to have fun with as well.
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Expert August 2020
Heather · on May 19, 2019 at 9:29 AM
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I think that's really nice of you! We tend to be so focused on how we are as adults that we forget how he we were teenagers our relationships were just as important to us as they are now. I'd rather have the boys enjoy the day, then sit there bored and feeling like they were dragged there because they don't have anyone to hang out with.
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