Plus ones at intimate wedding?

Sounds like she really is looking for someone to keep her company. I would reluctantly allow it lol I would feel bad if I said no and she ended up spending time all by herself. I totally understand it being a small intimate wedding and you not wanting people you don’t know. I would also feel that way, and instinctively say no, but I would eventually come around 🤣

Is this someone she is in a relationship with or just a friend of hers? If no relationship then you have no reason to feel bad about including your siblings’ SO because those are long term relationships.
Is she the only alone person that will be attending? If there are no other singles then I’d say let her bring her friend. If there are any other singles then I’d say no.

I wouldn’t feel bad if it’s just a friend and not someone she’s seeing

We are only allowing one person a plus one, and only because he literally only knows my FH and we wanted him to feel comfortable. She knows 4 out of 16 people, maybe I’m just mean but I think she should be fine.

Yeah, I think she’ll be fine. Don’t worry about it, keep it small.

A spouse is an automatic invite. Someone you don't know, when you have purposefully kept the guest list small, is not ok. Have your fiance talk to their mom and explain the situation. Surely mom knows someone among your guests she can talk to? If you aren't inviting your own friends, it doesn't make sense nor is it fair to anyone for her to be the lone exception.

I'd let her bring her friend. She's your mother in law. I'm all for building positive relationships. I also believe that, unless your fiancé doesn't have a relationship with his mother (not true in this case) you're marrying the whole family. Not just him.

If this is someone she is dating, then I'd say yes, absolutely let her bring this person. If this is just a friend, then I would say no.

View Quoted Comment Agree with this. She’s FH’s MOG, she will know other people. If it’s not a SO, I would vote no.

If she doesn’t have a date, she may be more comfortable having a friend. She may feel awkward/left out because she can’t hang out with you guys. Who else does she know there?

Is this person a stranger to your FH as well. Regardless.... if you understand your FMILs discomfort in only knowing 4 out of 17 guests, then I’m sure you can handle not knowing your FMIL’s friend. It’s only one person and she’s your FH’s mother. Pick your battles and no need to rock the boat over this request.

She’s the mother of the groom. She’s important regardless of how many people she’ll know, and I’m sure they’ll talk to her. I would not allow a random friend to come. It sounds like she’s nervous, so maybe try introducing her to more of the other guests before the wedding, especially if she hasn’t met your parents. A “meet the parents” video chat could be cute! I’d definitely try to make her feel comfortable without adding an extra person to the guest count.

Even though it's not her significant other and I'm not obligated to let her come as a plus one, I decided to make a compromise. My MIL, her friend, and myself are all going to go out to lunch together one day so at least she won't be a complete stranger to me at the wedding.

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It's a long time friend of hers, no romantic, just a girl friend of hers but she will be the only one ,besides my cousin who is 18 and 2 kids, that doesn't have a partner.

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That's kind of how I felt about it because I'm not even inviting my closest friend or a bunch of my other family that we rarely see because it was supposed to be very intimate and comfortable just having the family that we see regularly.

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Her two sons (one is my FH), me, her grandson (he'll be 15), and her other son's long time girlfriend

It's your FH's mother. Do you really want to start your wedding off on a bad note? Bumping the number to 18 is still keeping it intimate and again, it's his mother.

View Quoted Comment That’s a tough one. She can socialize with her son & grandson but might feel like a 3rd wheel because her (other) son has his girlfriend. But it’s a local wedding, not a DW, right? I would think she could be fine for a few hours.


We had 15 guests so I understand. Both of my parents are divorced and if either asked to bring a friend, my hubby would have been more bothered because we only wanted guests we both knew (except we hadn’t met the boyfriend of a dear friend). However, it was a DW and we probably would have understood in that case.

I am also having a small wedding with 17 guests. While we want to keep it intimate with our immediate family only, we are going to tell my brother he can bring a +1 (which will likely be his female best friend whom we have never met). Literally every other adult at our wedding will be there with their spouse or fiance, so we thought giving this option might make him more comfortable / allow him to have more fun. Not sure whether or not he will take us up on the offer!

That's all to say, I totally get not wanting to invite someone you have never met. It's your day and ultimately you get to make the decision!

I think you taking this very positive approach - taking time to meet and be sociable with this person, so the issue is no longer a complete stranger at your wedding - is an excellent start to in-laws relationships. It is a very mature, let's solve this problem , attitude. Many divorced or widowed people do not choose to date or have romantic/ sexual relationships, sometimes for many years, or always. But have one or 2 companions they do everything with. You not only saved FMIL distress, you also kept her other family members from hearing about it in a negative way, from FMIL, and judging you unkind. People will remember this as kindness. I hope friend is nice, and not a pill! You may have eliminated having FMIL clingy and too close to you for the whole wedding, which would be nice.