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Just Said Yes September 2019

Plus One at Covid Wedding

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Lisa, on March 9, 2021 at 1:59 PM

Hello, so my best friend got engaged in December and her wedding is in June. I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 years. My friend and I live far apart and don't get to see each other often. I got to see her in November and my boyfriend mentioned to her that he talked to my family about us getting married so we are in a serious relationship. When she was finalizing the guest list I told her I would be driving down with my boyfriend because of COVID and I would be staying with my parents. The drive is over 14 hours and I would not be comfortable doing it by myself. When she sent the invite it was for only me and not my boyfriend. She said she figured he could still come down but is not invited to the wedding because she is limiting the guest list to 25 people due to COVID. I am trying to be respectful of her choice because after all it is her wedding, but my boyfriend is really hurt and offended by this and I'm upset that he should have to travel but not attend. I'm not sure how to respond to her invitation.

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27 Comments

Expert April 2022
Fred · on March 10, 2021 at 11:47 AM
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I agree with Michelle coz a couple is a "social unit" when the relationship is serious. This one IS serious since her boyfriend mentioned marriage to the bride-to-be. In this situation, the proper etiquette states that either you invite them both or neither of them. Covid or not.
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Super March 2021
Kimberly · on March 10, 2021 at 11:58 AM
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Everyone is missing the fact that a long term relationship does NOT fall into the “plus 1” category. You are a unit of 2 people. If it was so hard for her to make cuts then push the wedding out. Don’t disrespect others for the sake of making tough choices. And asking you to drive 14 hours to attend a wedding alone is unreasonable. For that reason alone he should have been included.
Decline the invitation and wish her well in her marriage.
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Dedicated April 2021
Kim · on March 11, 2021 at 12:23 AM
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I would not take it personal. I’m only allowed to have 58 guests so we aren’t inviting any of my future husbands cousins to the wedding. It’s literally only immediate family and close friends. We are having only three friends each. Some are bringing their spouse and others aren’t due to Covid but everyone has been very understanding. Like other people said, either accept IG and be understanding or decline. Brides are in a very tough situation currently.
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Dedicated April 2021
Kim · on March 11, 2021 at 12:24 AM
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Right? Over reaction much lol.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on March 11, 2021 at 12:44 AM
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It is frequently pointed out in many posts including this one that significant others are not plus ones. However many fight it tooth and nail to get out of doing so, stating that manners are outdated, do not apply in the 21st Century/during Covid, etc.
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Super June 2021
Elizabeth · on March 11, 2021 at 6:39 AM
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Yeah this is a solid perspective. To invite your boyfriend, she would probably have to a cut a very close friend or family member. I doubt anyone is getting their significant other invited besides parents. I think be grateful that she wanted you there, don't get upset over this, and decide if you want to decline or not with no hard feelings.

I am big on etiquette and I think there are almost no situations where covid justifies not following it. This is a rare exception for me.

When weddings were limited to 10 people, my friend got married with just parents and siblings. Her siblings were not allowed their significant others because it wasn't possible--it would have had to be no siblings or just siblings without SOs. Should she really not have had her siblings there?
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Dedicated May 2023
Katie · on March 12, 2021 at 10:52 AM
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This is a tough one. On the one hand, my FH and I were together but not cohabitating or engaged for nearly 5 years and I had a few friends who were getting married off-hand comment to me that "I'm only giving plus-ones to couples that are serious enough to be living together", forgetting that due to our circumstances at the time we were in a serious, committed relationship talking about our future together. It was like a backhanded slap in the face and it was all I could do to say "Oh so I guess that means boyfriend isn't invited?" at which point they would trip over themselves backtracking and assure me of course he's invited and of course they didn't mean "couples like us".
But the guest list is very limited so I doubt this is a case of not recognizing the seriousness of a relationship. I guess if I were OP, I'd have rather been asked by the bride/best friend if I'd rather come alone or if I'd rather pass up the opportunity to be there. I agree that asking someone to travel 14 hours for a wedding and not invite their significant other is a BIG ask, even if their parents live locally. I think I agree with other posters that you need to decide if you can live with not being at your best friend's wedding. A good compromise would be inviting SO to travel for a long weekend and he can find other ways to occupy himself while OP attends the wedding - that way she doesn't have to travel alone, they can have a bit of a getaway together, and she doesn't have to miss the wedding. Or else, she declines out of solidarity to SO and allows the couple to invite someone else in her place.
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