Plus one and kids - limited seats close to max already!

"Although we love your little ones, we kindly request that both our ceremony and reception be adult only. We want our guests to be able to celebrate without having to worry about little eyes and ears. We appreciate you making arrangements ahead of time and leaving your little ones at home - We hope you will see this as an opportunity to let your hair down and really enjoy the party with us!"

This is what I have on my website regarding kids! Whoever tells you that you have to invite kids if you invite the parents - do not listen to that. My fiancé and I knew before we started planning that we didn't want kids there - nothing personal, we just want to enjoy our party without kids running around. Everyone of our guests with a child appreciated this and they're all very excited to have a babysitter for the night and come party with us! If nothing else, you can blame Covid restrictions/maximum guests count.

You simply don't invite them. Doesn't need any explanation. No one should be asking for any reason but they do, state space and budget. Also be aware that a significant other is not a plus one. If someone is in a relationship whether 4 months or 50 years, their significant other is an automatic invite. It's offensive to disrespect their relationship by not recognizing it while asking them to celebrate yours. A plus one is a random stranger. Single guests do know others in attendance and will be able to enjoy themselves.

Always ok to not invite kids. Just address the envelope to parents only. However you must be consistent. Don't have a flowergirl only and all other kids banned as many tend to do because that will offend guests wondering why they have to find childcare and someone else doesn't. Also don't split up kids by allowing teens and making toddlers stay home.

And just hitting on the plus ones in general, I was in the same boat! It made me sick thinking about spending $100 a plate for someone I didn't even know. You DO NOT have to give everyone a plus one. You don't even have to give everyone in a relationship a plus one. I would say always give one to married couples, for sure. But you do not have to allow people to bring their Tinder date to your wedding, I'm sorry but no LOL. And if you are restricted on guest count, you can be selective for those in a relationship too. Do you personally know their plus one? Are they coming from out of town? If so, you don't want to ask them to travel alone. Everything is circumstantial but there is no set rule for plus ones!

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The idea I have toyed with is to put "Due to limited capacity we ask that only those on the invite attend the wedding." The reason being is there WILL be some kids there (family friends and very close relationship ones and of course single moms from out of town) but we just dont want to leave the door open for a family of 6 to come when we only have room for two adults!

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I think that is totally acceptable!

I would address the invites only to those who you are inviting ("Mr & Mrs Smith" instead of "The Smith Family"), and also add a line on your invites stating, "We have reserved __ seats in your honor", and fill in the number. If they try to RSVP for more than who you were inviting, you could contact them at that time and say something along the lines of, "Because of capacity restrictions, we are unfortunately unable to accommodate additional guests than those listed on the invite." I wouldn't put "adult only" on the invite, but you can list it on your wedding website and put your website address on the invite.

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This is perfect thank you SO MUCH!!!!

I would just address the invitations to the individual names of those invited (i.e. 'John and Jane Smith' instead of 'the Smith Family.') I'd just be mindful that kids or no kids is usually an all or nothing rule, or a situation where kids in the wedding party are the exception--you may end up with some people offended if they see other kids there but were not allowed to bring their own. I'm not saying what you should or shouldn't do, just throwing out something to think about.

As for the plus ones, it's perfectly ok to not invite plus ones, but keep in mind that significant others are considered a package deal and not included in what constitutes a plus one. But I definitely agree that you don't have the space for random dates in this situation! We didn't invite true plus ones (random dates) either

The cleanest way to say no kids is "this is an adult-only affair". Then you can clarify on your wedding website if you have one

If you don't know that they are even in a relationship, it's fine to leave a bf or gf off. Otherwise, guests will probably find it rude and decline. It may indicate to them that you don't think their relationship is as valuable or legitimate as yours (and you may actually feel that way)

View Quoted Comment Yikes, this is going to rub people the wrong way. Either it should be adult only or not. I wouldn't pick and choose whose kids are allowed to be there

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This will likely end up being a problem. It is typically all kids or no kids. When you tell one family their children are not invited, and then they find out someone else's children are, you might run into some issues.

The best way to go about this is to post on your website that it is an adult only wedding and then just don't invite the people you don't want there. "Mr. and Mrs. Smith" and not "Mr. and Mrs. Smith and family".

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I am not saying kids are not welcome its just when someone has 5 kids I just dont have the space. So if they cant come because of it then so be it. Unfortunately I have to be limited on space and capacity, otherwise i would not care frankly. I was just looking for the most tactful way to put on the invite that only those invited are invited. Another poster very eloquently put it and I am going to use that. Not trying to offend or rub parents the wrong way but to be honest I would not try to bring my 4 kids to a wedding if they werent specifically on the invite. To me personally its kind of assumed not to bring kids unless A. they are invited or B. they are family or like family (which is what all of the kids coming are)

THanks everyone for the comments and advice appreciate it!

Again to reiterate the ONLY children currently invited are either family or LIKE family to us so its not just random invited families getting to bring kids. There are only about 10 to 12 coming several of which are in the wedding.

View Quoted Comment "like family" is not going to fly, I'm sorry. You can do whatever you want, but you will hurt people's feelings or offend people

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Again thank you everyone for the advice, opinions etc. I have taken it all into consideration. Appreciate it!

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Agreed. Kids are all or none. You cannot allow exceptions for family or wedding party and tell everyone else no. People will be highly offended and talk among themselves for years but they will never tell you directly.

I think you need to reevaluate your entire guest list, if you are that close to the limit. Your wedding is over a year away. People could start a relationship, get engaged, even get married in the time before you send your invitations. Anyone in a relationship at the time your invitations go out - about 8 weeks before your wedding - should be invited with their SO, by name.

Honestly; I’m doing something similar. I get the whole “it’s kids or none at all.” But, given that we are in the middle of a pandemic, I would hope people be more understanding that we simply don’t have room to invite 6 kids to a wedding but would love the parents there. On my fiancé’s side it’s much easier since they’re used to having weddings be adults only. However, One thing I did for the families that are bringing kids, is I have found a way to use as many in the bridal party. There aren’t many, but incorporating them as my ring bearers, flower girls, (and since our traditional Christian Spanish weddings have kids carrying ropes, Bible and the cushions to pray on) it’s a good way to incorporate the ones coming without everyone feeling too bad. I know we don’t want feelings hurt. But someone always gets hurt, has something to say, and on this day it’s okay to be a little selfless. I’d be honored that with limited guests I’d still be considered a guests. Kids or not

View Quoted Comment You can't use "it's a pandemic" to be wildly rude. 150 is not a minimony. It's either all kids or no kids. No kids is perfectly acceptable. What isn't acceptable is "I am close to their kids, but not theirs, so I'll invite the kids I like"

View Quoted Comment Well, the wildly rude would be depending who you ask. I can’t think of a single guest of mine who would be incredibly insulted and call it wildly rude if I invited just them, and when they got there they see very few family children there. Especially if the kids they see are in the bridal party and everyone else there is only there with a spouse / +1 only. Id use “it’s a pandemic” for people to consider that rather than our 300 original, all kids included guest list, now is forcefully cut down to 150. I think you can find loop holes for sure when wanting to include some kids... just not the way you’re making it seem of “I like your kids but not yours” lol. Maybe i miscommunicated, or maybe you’ll still think it’s rude. But That’s not how I chose who got to bring kids. I kept it limited to maybe 5 families. All of which are either related to me or that one who is basically family and all their kids will walk down doing something so others can be understanding. But again, I know my guests and I know they’ll understand. If I felt in my heart that someone would be insulted, I came to the conclusion that actually, that guest would find something to be insulted by regardless and I didn’t truly want them there on my special day..