Plus one advice for bridal party

Hi everyone,
I was maid of honor for my best friend of 15 years a few weeks ago and I am having some problems coming to terms with the plus one situation to the point it is really affecting our friendship on my side going forwards from it.
When they first got engaged and invites were starting to be spoken about, she said a few times that they were having a ‘if you’re not engaged or married then you won’t have a plus one’ rule. As I was maid of honour and the only bridesmaid above 7 years old, I wasn’t sure if this applied to me or not, but it was said very loosely and so I let it go. When invites came through a couple months later I was shocked to see that my boyfriend of 4 years wasn’t on the invitation. We have lived together for a year. Not wanting to cause problems and more stress (she was having stress with the guest list already with a few other of her partners friends) I decided if that was the rule and she was really trying to crack down on numbers then I would try my hardest to let it go, as it is only for one day (very difficult to keep quiet about and wish I had said something but I am very laid back and not one for confrontation or drama). Couldn’t even have the cute invitation displayed out at home as I felt too guilty for my other half.
As the only bridesmaid (the other 2 were ages 7 and 5) it was my duty to organise the hen/batchelorette party. I did this all by myself- a weekend away for 14 girls. No help or assistance from anyone else and it was extrmely stressful but nonetheless I pulled it off and all the girls said what a fab job I had done.
While on the weekend away, I found out around the dinner table on the first night through the other girls that 2 of the other girls in the group (who weren’t moh or even bridesmaids) had their boyfriends going. Spent the rest of the weekend trying not to feel angry and upset.
Wedding rolls around a few weeks ago and it didn’t come as a surprise that the best man (again not engaged or married) had his girlfriend there. (They had travelled some time to get there though so I don’t know whether to let this one go? Even though he did know a lot of people there so no need for a plus one) another one of the grooms friend also had his girlfriend there. And these are just people I noticed so I’m not sure how many more there were....

i organised the weekend away all by myself, I did a speech which I found extremely nerve wracking to all of these people (and their OHs) and all that and she couldn’t even invite my OH of 4 years who I live with.... been reflecting since the wedding and I don’t know what to do. I don’t feel the same anymore and I’m waiting for the right time to say something as she is on honeymoon right now. Advice please..