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Just Said Yes June 2021

Plus 1’s

Brittany , on April 6, 2020 at 12:15 AM Posted in Planning 0 8

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This is a 2 part discussion:

Part 1 - So my fiancé’s brother/best man was given a plus 1. Our RSVP date is tomorrow so I’ve been reaching out to everyone who hasn’t responded and my fiancé reached out to his brother to ask if he was bringing anyone and he said “at the moment no, but idk.” He was told that we need to know for our head count and he couldn’t just change his mind later so we all agreed that he wouldn’t bring anyone. Then, I was also talking to my fiancé’s mom to get some phone numbers because of the RSVPs and she said obviously they’re coming even though they didn’t send there’s back and she listed a plus 1 with his brother so I told her everything we just discussed with his brother. So she calls me and starts yelling at me because they put money towards the wedding and “you know him, he’ll change his mind 100 times” referring to his brother so we should just pay for an extra person whether one shows up with him or not.. I don’t agree with that.. and even though they put money towards the wedding, that didn’t even cover half of it.. But my fiancé is a mama’s boy so even though he agrees with me, he won’t stick up to her.. I want to know what other opinions are out there.......

Part 2-Also, with trying to get the RSVPs back, on the invites I write them out to the specific ppl and if they got a plus 1, I put “guest”. I had someone ask me today if her 2 daughters got plus 1s. The daughters were invited and the way we did guests is if we knew they were in relationships for at least over a year. I only met them once and my fiancé isn't that close to them so I stalked their Facebooks and the one has single, but the other has supposedly been in a relationship for 4 years but idk how accurate that is. Idk what to do there or how to be polite when I answer her...

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8 Comments

Latest activity by Vicky, on April 6, 2020 at 10:29 AM

VIP January 2020
Vicky · on April 6, 2020 at 1:21 AM
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1) It's too early for an RSVP date for a June 6 wedding.
2) If she's been in a relationship for 4 years, of course her bf should have been invited. Are you saying that you didn't invite the bf?
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Super August 2021
Dierdra · on April 6, 2020 at 1:49 AM
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I would plan on the +1 in those three cases. The last wedding I went to they didn't have enough places for 2 significant others (over a year) was left out. Besides if you aren't that close to them not everyone keeps up with Facebook anymore (I surely don't). In the case of the BM - we just assumed all of our wedding party got a +1 it made it easier when planning and if anything the extra plates will feed our vendors. I would only for a small number of people. Now if 20 others in your family contacted you the same then we would have a wayyy different discussion lol. It also comes down to the cost of the meals. So I also understand if that is more where your concern is.

Regardless congratulations! You are almost there if you're doing a final head count!!!!
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Just Said Yes June 2021
Brittany · on April 6, 2020 at 1:50 AM
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It’s not too soon for the RSVPs.. we also need time to do the seating chart, centerpieces, favors, etc.. and the venue needs the headcount too.. plus we’ve been planning for 2 years and the save the dates went out a year ago so the guests were well aware of the date..

If you read the whole thing you’d seen that I only met that part of the family once and my fiancé hasn't seen them in years so we weren’t aware that they’d need plus 1s, plus Facebook isn’t always accurate. And the aunt asked if both girls could get a plus 1 and if Facebook is correct the 1 is single. So I’d feel weird saying the 1 can and then other can’t.. but like I said, we barely know them..
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Devoted August 2020
Tina · on April 6, 2020 at 1:50 AM
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Something like that bothers me. I have a big family that I don’t even know them. My father has cousins and they have kids I got to the point where it’s like oh no just the adults invited. I don’t know my father’s cousins let alone their 2-5 kids. Each person is about 127 each so it’s like no I just said no to inviting all these extra people. I want a small wedding.
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My opinion if it’s not engaged couples I wouldn’t invite no guest for them. What is the relationship of that lady and her daughters to you? Did I miss it? My future mother in law wanted me to invite her step kids with a guest. Both of them are a state away and I met them like 3 times. One in a relationship with an ex or something like that so no I don’t want him to come and the stepbro he’s something else so I frankly don’t want him inviting some girl he seen few times or so. That’s me. I feel like if the only person or people they may know is 1 or 2 it’s like would they want to even come if they don’t know me or my fiancé? Guess it’s really a preference kind of thing.
When does the venue need a headcount of guests? With everything going on. June wedding lots of people wouldn’t know if this be gone by then so that’s a good reason they didn’t RSVP.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on April 6, 2020 at 7:37 AM
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1.) Red flag. You're getting married and your husband can't stand up to his mom about his own wedding? Stick to your guns, but also work out the boundary issues between your FH and FMIL.
2.) The sister in the relationship should be invited with her SO.
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Master October 2021
Mrs.a · on April 6, 2020 at 8:02 AM
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First off, why did she yell at you?

Second, I do see where she has a point if they’re paying for it to include the SO. It’s definitely not worth fighting over.
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on April 6, 2020 at 9:34 AM
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1) His brother should receivr a plus one because being in the wedding party means putting in time and commitment. Plus he's about to be YOUR brother too. Is him bringing someone to your wedding or not the hill you want to die on? I would have your fiance talk to his mom though - she should not be yelling at you. Weddings make people do crazy things.

2) As a cousin who had her bf of 2 years denied to a wedding because they "didn't realize we were that serious" from my lack of Facebook posts, I say that sort of stuff hurts. Sounds like you tried to cover everyone, but you can't always know who's in a relationship. Again, is this your hill to die on? I'd let cousin in a relationship have her so. Then its really up to you if you give the other cousin a plus one, and that's a courtesy. General rule is a couple should be invited together because they're a social unit. Anyone who is single gets a plus one at the couples' discretion.
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VIP January 2020
Vicky · on April 6, 2020 at 10:29 AM
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Yes, it is too soon for RSVPs. 2 months out is when you're supposed to send the invitations, not request responses. 3-4 weeks out is the appropriate RSVP timeframe. It should depend on when your venue needs final numbers, with a small buffer in order to contact people you haven't heard from yet. It's rude to your guests to request an inordinately early response just so that you have extra time to spend on things like seating charts and centerpieces. Plan for all of the guests you invite to attend, and if you have fewer then you adjust. It doesn't matter how long they've had the date; they still may not know until a month out or less whether they will be able to attend, for very good reasons.
You said yourself that you FB stalked them and saw that the one daughter has a long-term boyfriend, so why didn't you include him in the invitation?
You can respond to the aunt that of course daughter #1's significant other is invited, but unfortunately you are not doing Plus Ones for single guests. If she comes back and tells you that daughter #2 also has a SO, then you say "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize. Of course he/she is invited as well in that case."
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