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Just Said Yes May 2023

Please tell me if I’m crazy

Emma, on August 12, 2022 at 1:54 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9
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So my fiancé and I are having a destination wedding in France next summer. We got engaged in May of 2021 and gave everyone a two year notice of when our wedding will be and to plan accordingly. Two days after I got engaged my sister texted me that she was going to start trying to conceive a baby with her husband. I was a little confused as to why all of a sudden after I got engaged she wanted to start having a baby, but I knew either way we had time until the wedding so it was all good. She told me multiple times that if she wasn’t pregnant a year before the wedding then they would wait to try until after the wedding. If she got pregnant a year out that would mean she would be traveling internationally with a 3 month old which is the recommend minimum age to travel. I just found out today that my sister is pregnant and is due 7 weeks before my wedding, on the day of my bridal shower. If I was having a local wedding I know this wouldn’t be a big deal, but I don’t know how my sister is going to pull off traveling internationally with a 7 week old. So realistically they might not be able to come when she is my MOH and her husband is my fiancés BM. And I know for my bridal shower and bachelorette party she will either be too pregnant or have too fresh of a baby to really help.My wedding is also very intimate with only 20 people going, and I feel like I’ll be very disappointed if my sister is not a part of those 20 people. We are paying for accommodations for everyone at a large house for 4 nights in France, but I didn’t plan on having an infant with us. The whole point was to have a small wedding and make it a family trip as well. Am I totally crazy for being a little disappointed she might not be able to come when I gave everyone a two year notice and she gave me a deadline of when they’d stop trying? I know I’m being selfish, but damn I feel kind of slighted.

9 Comments

Latest activity by Jacks, on August 12, 2022 at 2:55 PM
  • mrswinteriscoming
    Rockstar December 2021
    mrswinteriscoming ·
    • Flag

    I don't like being this blunt but you really need a reality check here.

    Your sister (and everyone else for that matter) should not be expected to put their lives on hold for your wedding, whether or not you gave them a 2 year notice period.

    She decided to start a family as she is wholly within her rights to do regardless of the fact that she told you they'd stop trying - trying to conceive is so much more complicated than anyone ever warns you and it sounds like she's been trying for at least a year now so falling pregnant may not have been the easiest thing for her to do.

    Whether she comes with her baby or stays home, that is a decision that will need to be made but she did not in any way "slight" you. I'd be mortified if I was in your sister's shoes and knew my sister felt that way.

    • Reply
  • Scarlett
    Dedicated December 2023
    Scarlett ·
    • Flag

    I agree! Everyone is an adult and has work, family, and financial responsibilities. You love your sister very much and want her to be there on your big day! But it was her choice to want to try for a baby. A wedding is for one day; she will have this child for her whole life. It sounds like she wants to go but with her having a baby, it might not be possible. I would show her support and love. If she decides to come on the trip for your wedding, make sure she is accommodated for her child (like crib, easy bathroom access, etc.) Hope this helps!Smiley heart

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  • Traci
    Devoted May 2025
    Traci ·
    • Flag
    You are entitled to your feelings. I'm not going to say you are wrong or crazy. But you have to respect people's life and time and things happen. In this case a beautiful life😇.
    Is it possible to have the wedding where you all are from. Have you already paid for the vacation house. If you really want your sister there on your special day I would look into changing some things a Lil or as Scarlett said if she does make it have all the things she'll need. I hope everything works out.💜
    • Reply
  • Bailey
    Rockstar October 2023
    Bailey ·
    • Flag

    You're not wrong for being sad/hurt that she probably isn't going to be at your wedding. I would be absolutely crushed if my sister wasn't at my wedding. But the reality of it is, her journey to conceive has absolutely nothing to do with your wedding and she does not owe you a whole year of her life waiting to start her family to go to your wedding. It was kind of her to offer to stop trying, but I would not hold her to that comment.

    • Reply
  • S
    Super September 2022
    Sarah ·
    • Flag

    Your are absolutely allowed to feel sad or disappointed that your sister might not be at your wedding. Those feelings are completely valid. BUT your sister is definitely not "slighting" you. Honestly, she was probably planning this before you got engaged, but told you out of respect so you had a heads up. You are having a 2 year long engagement, she shouldn't have to put off her life for you. Be a supportive sister and try to offer accommodations so she can attend.

    • Reply
  • W
    VIP September 2020
    Willow ·
    • Flag
    She probably realized how unwise it is to put her family planning on hold for a one day party. Fertility declines as you age. Birthing, carrying, and raising kids becomes more difficult with age. 35 is considered the cutoff for a geriatric pregnancy


    You are right to feel disappointed that this may affect her attendance. You are completely unreasonable to think she should have put a year of her life on hold for your wedding. I don't know why she ever made that representation in the first place. Probably in the spur of the moment. The only correct reaction would have been to reassure her to live her life.
    • Reply
  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
    • Flag

    Like others, I completely understand your disappointment that your sister likely won't be able to attend your destination wedding, but as someone for whom getting pregnant took nearly 8 years, I encourage you to be much more understanding of your sister and brother-in-law. During our struggles to get pregnant, I remember thinking each time we heard about an upcoming wedding/reunion/etc., "I may not be able to fly then," or "Hopefully, we'll have a baby by then"! For many people, the path to starting a family is less than predictable; feel your feelings of disappointment, but then do your best to get over them and definitely don't say anything to anyone where word might be back to your sister or BIL. Good luck!

    • Reply
  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
    • Flag

    I'm very relieved that you realize you are being selfish. Please feel your feelings privately and work towards getting over them. Giving people two years notice of your destination wedding doesn't mean that people put their lives on hold for two years (THAT would be crazy), and I think you know that.

    It also doesn't matter that your sister initially gave you a deadline she would stop trying and you now feel she went back on her word. Family planning is intensely personal AND impossible to hold to an actual schedule. Please, for the sake of your own happiness about your wedding and your relationship with your sister, let this go.

    • Reply
  • Jacks
    Champion November 2054
    Jacks ·
    • Flag

    When you have a destination wedding, that comes with the territory. People won't absolutely put their lives on hold or start saving for years in advance especially just coming out of a pandemic and heading to a recession. She mentioned starting a family as soon as she knew about your plans to get married in France, which is fair. The timing is unfortunate, but that's life. You're going to need to let this one go.

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