Please tell me if I’m crazy

I don't like being this blunt but you really need a reality check here.

Your sister (and everyone else for that matter) should not be expected to put their lives on hold for your wedding, whether or not you gave them a 2 year notice period.

She decided to start a family as she is wholly within her rights to do regardless of the fact that she told you they'd stop trying - trying to conceive is so much more complicated than anyone ever warns you and it sounds like she's been trying for at least a year now so falling pregnant may not have been the easiest thing for her to do.

Whether she comes with her baby or stays home, that is a decision that will need to be made but she did not in any way "slight" you. I'd be mortified if I was in your sister's shoes and knew my sister felt that way.

I agree! Everyone is an adult and has work, family, and financial responsibilities. You love your sister very much and want her to be there on your big day! But it was her choice to want to try for a baby. A wedding is for one day; she will have this child for her whole life. It sounds like she wants to go but with her having a baby, it might not be possible. I would show her support and love. If she decides to come on the trip for your wedding, make sure she is accommodated for her child (like crib, easy bathroom access, etc.) Hope this helps!

You're not wrong for being sad/hurt that she probably isn't going to be at your wedding. I would be absolutely crushed if my sister wasn't at my wedding. But the reality of it is, her journey to conceive has absolutely nothing to do with your wedding and she does not owe you a whole year of her life waiting to start her family to go to your wedding. It was kind of her to offer to stop trying, but I would not hold her to that comment.

Your are absolutely allowed to feel sad or disappointed that your sister might not be at your wedding. Those feelings are completely valid. BUT your sister is definitely not "slighting" you. Honestly, she was probably planning this before you got engaged, but told you out of respect so you had a heads up. You are having a 2 year long engagement, she shouldn't have to put off her life for you. Be a supportive sister and try to offer accommodations so she can attend.

Like others, I completely understand your disappointment that your sister likely won't be able to attend your destination wedding, but as someone for whom getting pregnant took nearly 8 years, I encourage you to be much more understanding of your sister and brother-in-law. During our struggles to get pregnant, I remember thinking each time we heard about an upcoming wedding/reunion/etc., "I may not be able to fly then," or "Hopefully, we'll have a baby by then"! For many people, the path to starting a family is less than predictable; feel your feelings of disappointment, but then do your best to get over them and definitely don't say anything to anyone where word might be back to your sister or BIL. Good luck!

I'm very relieved that you realize you are being selfish. Please feel your feelings privately and work towards getting over them. Giving people two years notice of your destination wedding doesn't mean that people put their lives on hold for two years (THAT would be crazy), and I think you know that.

It also doesn't matter that your sister initially gave you a deadline she would stop trying and you now feel she went back on her word. Family planning is intensely personal AND impossible to hold to an actual schedule. Please, for the sake of your own happiness about your wedding and your relationship with your sister, let this go.

When you have a destination wedding, that comes with the territory. People won't absolutely put their lives on hold or start saving for years in advance especially just coming out of a pandemic and heading to a recession. She mentioned starting a family as soon as she knew about your plans to get married in France, which is fair. The timing is unfortunate, but that's life. You're going to need to let this one go.