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Please Help!!! Sister and mother in law problems three weeks before the wedding
My mother and sister in law caused a bunch of drama three weeks before our wedding! Am I obligated to still invite them to the wedding? A little back ground ...... My husband had been in a previous marriage for 16 years. His wife didn't love or want to be with him but stayed for financial reasons and the kids. She made it known to him, his family and everyone else she felt this way. When we got together I had many failed relationships. No man had ever been able to make me happy. I am Italian, by that I mean I respond often times before thinking. I struggled being able to control my emotions and actions. God made my husband especially and specifically for me. From day one he knew exactly what I needed most of the time before I knew or asked for it. He is the only person who is able to calm me down and pull me back when my mind starts racing and I get upset. He makes me incredibly happy every day like I have never been before. We have been together since 1/9/2018. We got engaged 7/5/2018 and married on 12/13/2018. We are having a ceremony and reception to celebrate with family and friends on 7/21/2019. When I met my mother and sister-in-laws we all got along great. They were so happy to see their son and brother so happy. I expressed to everyone how much I appreciated & loved him. Our first month together his mom went to visit family in the Dominique Republic. I wanted to do something special for her while she was gone. Her room was in need of a serious renovation. The furniture and mattress was over 30 years old. Her walls were bright avocado green and horrible orange. We got his older sister involved to make sure we didn't over step touching or moving her things. She was excited and couldn't believe I was going to cover the cost & do most of the work myself. She offered to help by removing all her moms stuff from the room. We detailed everything first; the ceiling fan, blinds, walls, switches, doors, baseboards, framing, windows which had packing tape everywhere we removed. We primed & painted a softer natural earth tone orange on two walls and a light brownish tan on the other two & the ceilings, baseboards, door & window framing white. We purchased black out curtains & installed in hall leading to her room to reduce heat upstairs. Installed a new TV mount in her room. Had the carpet professionally cleaned. We bought a new solid wood high end furniture set with 5 drawer chest, 6 drawer dresser, 1 night stand, head board, foot board, side rails complete bedframe. A new Aireloom mattress with wireless adjustable motion massage base so she could sit up in bed if she wanted. Everything she needed on her bed the protector, sheets, quilt, throw, 4 Tempur-pedic pillows. A nice roomy leather storage bench for the foot of her bed. Wall and room furniture finishing ascent décor to complete the rooms look. We detailed, painted and replaced everything in her bathroom. New shower curtain, floor matts, towel holder, & towels. Matching wood storage cubes. Locking over the door vanity storage mirror, vase with flowers, art décor for walls, rolling 3 wicker basket décor (she's hair dresser) needed this bad. New shelf and counter décor. Her bathroom mirror had cracked and blemishes around outer trim so I sea shelled the complete trim with stones and shells to cover blemishes. When she got home she was so surprised she kept saying I can't believe it. I feel like I am at a resort. Impressed with my giving nature his family immediately became like my close family. His mom unlike my mom put family first and we had a lot in common. His two sisters I loved to be around and had fun with. I told my dad he was going to love them because they are so nice. This year when she went to visit family again we did more work to her house. This time we removed the stair way baseboards that were awful. Detailed & painted the stairway and upstairs hallway to mom's room. Installed new wood flooring upstairs and bought her a new hanging plant she loves. Everything was great for the first 17 out of 18 months I've known my in laws. About three months ago my sister in law needed help with her finances and reached out to my husband and me for advice and guidance. She came over with her husband with all her financial documents so we could help them get out of debt. She has been struggling for a few years now financially and since I am financially debt free and have a large amount of retirement savings and income for myself she asked me to help show her what to do. I initially declined multiple times when both her and my husband asked me. I know finances can be a sensitive and very private subject. It's hard to expose to others openly and put the person in a vulnerable position to be judged. Finally I agreed to sit in and listen when they came over my house. They make $2000 less than they need for bills each month. The problem was obvious they were spending 6,500 a year going on vacations they couldn't afford. Eating at expensive restaurants too often and a few other things. When I said I didn't understand how they could afford to go on vacation. She got defensive so I got up excused myself and didn't say anything else. I asked his mom and sisters to be in our wedding party. He asked his sisters husband to also be in the wedding party. We chose a tux we liked from Friar Tux. It was only available to rent not buy. It was expensive $176.00. My husband knowing their financial situation was worried his brother in law wouldn't be able to pay that much money. He called his sister to tell her the price and she immediately started saying that's ridiculous. He said I know it is a lot for you guys right now so let me know. They hung up and he thought about it and texted her if you want we can just reduce the wedding party by two so you guys don't have to feel obligated to do it. She got so pissed off he called her the next day and she said that didn't sound like you why are you acting like that. Then she said I'm surprised you guys are spending all that money on a party after what advice you gave me. He said look we want you to be in the wedding we can pay $76 of the cost and you pay $100 will that work. She said she would talk to her husband and get back to us. The next day he called and she said she still didn't know at this time we were like were reducing the wedding party to make it easier because it was no longer about the money she just didn't know if she wanted to and in that case never mind. Then his mom calls mad and said if his sister is out then so is she and his other sister. When he told me this I decided to cancel the wedding. We were supposed to have 150 guest and had paid for the venue, photographer and lots of other stuff already. My husband text his mom tells her its cancelled and she drives with his other sister to our house at 9pm at night. She sits at my table in my house and starts to lecture both of us in a loud and soon to be yelling voice at my husband and me. She didn't let us talk or try to be objective to her our side and wanted to express and defend his 50 not 15 year old sister. Every time we tried to talk she interrupted us and didn't listen. Then when I interrupted her she yelled at me with our kids in the house. She began pointing her finger in my face I got so mad I got up from the table, went to my room and didn't come out until she was gone. I should of kicked her out of my house. My husband and I still want to have our celebration and we were planning to cut it down to a couple family members and just friends total 36 guest including us on the same day smaller boat cruise wedding. I never want to see my mother or sister in law again so I don't want to invite them. I don't want to do the wrong thing but I have been so good to them and did nothing to deserve any of this. My husband supports whatever I decide but I know if we do this without inviting them it could damage their relationship worst and I don't want to do that to him. I just don't know if I can be happy on my wedding day with them being there and ignoring them. This happen a week ago and still no apologies. Please help!!!
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Latest activity by Naikesha, on July 7, 2019 at 11:09 AM
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