Planning your own bachelorette party?

Definitely tell them. I’m with you in not enjoying a night of drunkenness. For mine we will either do something like a paint night or an escape room.

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Any tips on how to bring it up? I asked the three of them about doing the sign making, not necessarily as a bachelorette party, while I am home and it feels like they simply acknowledged that it would be fun and then went about their day.

It's rude to plan parties in your own honor. It's also not a your bridesmaids or moh's responsibility to plan any parties for you. Particularly completely optional parties. The only things wedding party members have to do is show up to the wedding in the correct attire, smile for pictures, and get down the aisle. Anything else is a wonderful gift to you. Additionally, your wedding isn't until next summer. There is a lot of time for anyone, wedding party members or not, to plan something if they choose.

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My bridesmaids asked me what I wanted to do, because like you, I'm not all about that party life and didn't want to have drunken escapades. I suggested Painting With A Twist and they were more than happy to accommodate my wishes. I would bring it up to them again and tell them that you think it would be fun to do the painting class for your bachelorette party. There is nothing wrong with that in my book. I would rather tell my BMs what I would be up for doing versus being surprised and/or hating the plans they came up with on their own. Make sense?

View Quoted Comment Honestly something like, hey I don’t know if you are planning a bachelorette party or anything, bc it’s totally not necessary but if you are, please know that a drunken night on the town is not for me and maybe a different girls night activity is a better idea. Something casual along those lines

Exactly. And I'm not asking them to build a shrine to me or dedicate a whole weekend to me. I'm just wanting my girls and I to have a nice night together doing something fun that I know all of us would enjoy. I would do it even without the title of bachelorette party. I just think it would be nice to call it that because that's what I would want. I only have one planned visit home between now and my wedding so it's not like there is truly a lot of time to plan something and I would rather be included in the planning than be surprised or disappointed. I'm not asking for a shower, or gifts, or for people to spend lots of money. I just want some quality time with the people I care about.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Melissa that sounds like a lovely easy going way of talking about this with them.

I don't think it's rude to plan it yourself, nor I do think it would be an issue for you to bring it up with your mom or your maid of honor. Your wedding party is there to help you and make sure your day goes smoothly, so you have to do whatever you're comfortable with.

As for bringing it up, don't be too worried that your mom doesn't seem to concerned right now. With a wedding in July 2019, you've got a LOT of time before your party, and if you're looking for a small, fun, night with friends then it won't take too much planning to get it all done.

And Melissa, thank you for the escape room idea!! I was drawing a complete blank on what to do with my girls (also not a big drinker haha) but an Escape Room sounds PERFECT!!

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All of this.

If you want to have a party, sure, you can throw something. Don't call it your bach party. Just have it a girls night.

View Quoted Comment Wedding parties aren't there to help. Sure, if someone chooses to that is a great gift, but no one has an responsibility to plan it help plan except the couple.

The point of wedding parties is for the couple to honor special people in their lives. What the couple is saying is, "you are so special to me that I can't imagine not getting married without you at my side." That's the point. Yes, wedding party members often help with DIY projects or going to vendors, but that's optional and a gift.

Parties in the couple's honor are also completely optional events. They shouldn't be expected. If someone ANY one chooses to throw a party that is a fantastic gift and should be treated as such.

Wedding parties are absolutely there to help. Yes, you're honoring them, but they are also there to make sure the wedding goes off without a hitch. The day of, there's no time for the bride and groom to worry about 8,000 things so the wedding party helps out, like if one of your groomsmen is missing a sock, or grandma is lost and yelling at her gps, or your dress got wrinkled in the ride to the venue but you're too busy to take care of it because you're pinned to a chair having your hair and make-up done. These are all things someone in your bridal party can step up and take care of. You're honoring them and saying "I need you here with me," and they're responding in kind.

I never said it should be expected of them to plan it, nor did I say the party was necessary. I said they're there to help and she should feel comfortable talking to them about her party whether her mom, her maid of honor, or she herself will be planning it. It's not necessary, but if you want a fun night out with your girls then there's no harm in planning it yourself. If they choose to throw it, then yes, it's a fantastic gift. I never said otherwise.

I think you are allowed to help plan and give suggestions, I don't see anything wrong with that.

View Quoted Comment Once someone has offered and asks or if they want something that is out of your comfort level, skydiving or strippers or a drunken bar crawl or a camping weekend (I'm trying to come up with things someone might take issue with, not saying these are inherently bad), sure. You just don't plan your own or try to control the party if offered.

When my sister/MOH asked what I wanted to do for a bachelorette party, I also said no drunken craziness. I suggested maybe an escape room, or the new go-cart place near us. She was excited about doing something "outside the box", in her words. When/if it comes up, definitely tell them your preferences, they might surprise you.

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I didn't say plan your own... I know that.

I'd just tell your MOH what you want! My MOH asked me my vision, and I helped her look for house rentals. Other than that, she is doing everything else.

Your MOH in particular should be concerned with what you want. All the bridesmaids should, but she's there for you. Ideally, you chose her because you knew she'd be a sweet asset to you on that day. Like someone said, you need help! I've been the MOH at multiple weddings and my goal was always to make sure the bride's day went off without a hitch. If your girl is like that, she'll ask you what you want. But if you're worried, definitely talk to her about being uninterested in surprises or the typical bachelorette party and ask her if you can be involved in the planning, if there is planning going on. And congratulations!

I planned my own. I don’t think it’s rude, however. I divided everything equally and paid my part. It would be rude to plan it for yourself with the expectation that they would pay your way. My MOH was originally planning but she lost her job and could no longer afford it. I took over at that point. I asked budgets and got people’s thoughts on things to do.

They did surprise me with a lingerie shower one night!

I've reached out to my MOH to see what her thoughts are. She's my best friend so I shouldn't have been afraid to talk to her so I'll wait and see what she says. Thank you for everyone who gave me encouragement and support. Our girls are there for us! Whether it's a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with, or someone to help you plan your future. They don't owe us, but they wouldn't be standing up there with us if they didn't want to help and support us.

If no one else is expected to pay for you, then I don't see what is the big deal about planning your own and asking others to come. Everyone gets so uptight about this, I have two friends who planned their entire bach party and no one batted an eye, both were so much fun! If others don't want to go they don't need to.