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Jennifer
Savvy March 2020

Planning while grieving death of loved one

Jennifer , on November 14, 2018 at 3:21 PM Posted in Planning 0 4
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We recently lost my brother in law. He was 38 and unexpectedly had a massive heart attack. This is my fiancé’s younger brother. We are all grieving. Especially of course my future in laws who lost their son. I am myself a mother of two toddlers and I can’t imagine....

anyway, I’m just wondering if anyone has been through something similar. I feel guilty even thinking about a wedding right now. It’s far away. March, 14, 2020. But we were already meeting vendors and picking out the major ones now to book in January. But now, the thought of planning what should be the happiest day is just... too hard. If I need to relay any wedding info to FI, his first thought is “my best man won’t be there” (understandably of course!!) and we both can’t focus and he falls completely apart. So we’ve stopped talking about it altogether. I’ve cancelled the videographer meeting we had without even bringing it up to him. I’m getting messages back from inquiries and have been ignoring them bc I just start typing back and again, I’m filled with guilt. Like, how can I even think about my wedding when he’s not here and everyone else is in shambles??

i asked if we should postpone since planning has completely stopped and he said NO! And again, being that it’s so far away still that would’ve been a premature emotional decision I’m sure I’d regret in the future.

Idk, part of this is venting and part of this is to know I’m not alone and hoping that this wedding guilt will go away.

4 Comments

Latest activity by Mrs!, on November 14, 2018 at 4:41 PM
  • Abby
    VIP March 2019
    Abby ·
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    I'm so sorry for the loss! The good thing here is your wedding is a long ways away still. You shouldn't have to postpone the wedding if that's not what he wants but you can definitely afford to take a step back for a bit. You have plenty of time to get things done so a break would probably be best right now.
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  • Nisa
    Super March 2019
    Nisa ·
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    I'm sorry for your loss. I think everything that you both are feeling and experiencing is totally normal. Losing someone is losing someone, but when it's unexpected it's like a permanent punch to your gut that just...keeps happening. My FH's fraternity brother (who was still in college) died of a random, sudden heart condition a few months ago. He passed out in the middle of a choir performance and never woke up. It's scary and it's sad, and it throws your whole world out of orbit for a while.

    You have plenty of time to plan. So don't worry about that. Just grieve. And if I could offer a small suggestion, take things one day at a time. But don't try to pause the world either. Definitely pause wedding planning and anything else that's overwhelming, but still do little things for yourself at your own pace. Take walks, watch movies, little things. It's so important that you let your grief out without losing yourself... Easier said than done. Just take it one day at a time and be there for each other.

    I'm so sorry again that you're going through this.

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  • Melissa
    VIP October 2018
    Melissa ·
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    So sorry to hear of your loss. That cannot be easy, and I can't imagine what this situation is truly like. But I do echo the previous posters - you have plenty of time. It is totally ok to dial it back a bit, pull away and grieve. If your wedding planning serves as any type of "escape" for you at any time, jump in (I know it did for me, and when I would get stressed or overwhelmed, some of the planning helped me...personal situation, I know). And if there are any vendors who you were really hoping to work with, it is ok to tell them what has happened. But honestly, this is a hard situation for you all, emotionally. Grieve. Be there for each other, and take every day on its own.

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  • M
    Expert November 2019
    Mrs! ·
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    Honestly give yourselves a break for a while. Think of it as a mental time off. We are just approaching the holidays and I know that’s always a hard time when grieving the loss of someone. Wait til January to start planning. You’ll still have well over a year to plan on january. I’m so sorry for yours and your family’s and FH’s loss. It’s so hard to be happy during such a hard time. Smiley sad bless you all 💜
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