Our wedding is still a little while from now, but my fiancé and I are really nervous about planning the entire thing. Im worried that something bad might happen or we’ll forget something super important, and my fiancé is worried that he’ll get really anxious in front of so many people or that things won’t go as planned. This has caused all planning to cease. Does anyone have advice on ways to relax and maybe make things more fun so we can calm the anxiety a bit?
Having some anxiety is very normal. Sometimes just reflecting on what is very important is helpful. The only truly super important thing on the wedding day is to get married. Everything else is just extra. If your fiance is anxious about being in front of a bunch of people, do you all need to have a large wedding? Weddings can be whatever you all think they should be. If something more intimate would be better, do that. All that being said, anxiety is a legitimate concern and if you two are feeling so much anxiety it is paralyzing, then the best option is to see a licensed therapist to help learn strategies for coping with anxiety.
Honestly, for us, our coordinator at the venue has been such a big help. She asks questions and reminds us of things we never even thought of. She started asking us what color tablecloths we wanted - and we had no idea that was something to think about! But she was also able to share what other couples have done in the past, as far as decorating and minor details. It also helps to talk to family members- my FBIL got married 6 years ago so him and his wife still have some fresh memories about the planning process to give advice on. Planning can feel overwhelming, so definitely take advantage of the WW checklist or another planning timeline tool and communicate with some family members that may understand or even be able to help or provide some guidance.
I second hiring a wedding coordinator, if not a full planner. Our venue doesn't have a coordinator so I looked for one through the weddingwire vendor search. I chose one who charges $850. She sent me a list of referrals to assist my planning and a template to start listing my plans as I go. A month before the wedding she goes into action to cross check that we've got everything we need and coordinating all the vendors. She also rents out things like linens and decor for really affordable prices, and she brings the stuff and takes it. Less stuff for us to have to worry about.
Don't get stuck comparing yourselves to others though. Just focus on what's important to you and find some help, even if you have to shell out some money for it.
Just here to repeat the benefits of a DOC. My FH and I shuffled some of the other budget item amounts around to get one to fit our budget and it has already been a game changer. She has a planning checklist for us and even though she's just my DOC, her package includes monthly check-ins to make sure we're checking things off in a timely manner.
If a DOC isn't in your budget, the checklists on Wedding Wire and The Knot are super helpful, and I actually just bought a planning notebook from Wicked Bride on Etsy that is PERFECT. Pretty much anything you would need to think for your day is in there, and it's cheaper than a DOC. I got it specifically as a keepsake, but turns out it's kind of awesome anyway.
Checklists with specific timings helped alleviate my planning anxiety A TON. Also, my FH doesn't do crowds, much less speeches in front of them. Before we decided on a small destination wedding, we were going to do a first look and read each other our vows during that time. Not only as a way to practice, but as a way to have that special moment just the two of us and alleviate some of the jitters. So you could definitely consider something like that!
Maybe consider a planner or an all-inclusive venue? The most important thing to remember: 1) comfort of guests (not too hot/cold, ample toilets, etc), 2) providing good food & drinks. Decor is usually unnoticed so do only what makes you two happy. For you as a couple, get a good photographer because great photos of you & guests are pretty important.